


Roll for Initiative

by Spriingflower



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan is Whipped, Coming of Age, M/M, Memes, Minho is a pretty boy, Pining, Romantic Comedy, Slow Burn, Stereotypes, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Summer Romance, chan felix jisung and changbin play D&D together, like a lot of them, past!woochan, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2020-01-06 19:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 58,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18395000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spriingflower/pseuds/Spriingflower
Summary: Chan and his friends are a group of self-proclaimed nerds, hanging out in a basement to play D&D. Minho is a pretty boy walking into the wrong room at the right time. Roll for initiative!





	1. Critical Fail

**Author's Note:**

> so, welcome to my new project^^ thank you for clicking on this  
> before you get into this story there are a couple of things I'd like to say  
> 1\. d&d is kind of a topic in this story but you don't really need to know anything about the game to enjoy this, I'm actually not super knowledgable myself, I only watch a lot of d&d podcasts and have kind of read through the handbook a little, so if I can write this without knowing everything about d&d you can also read it without knowing everything^^  
> 2\. Most of the humour in this fic comes from references to video games, movies, music, cartoons, anime, comics,... I could probably go on. Some references are very obvious others might go unnoticed, I honestly think it's impossible for someone to get every single reference in this story because you'd need to be into exactly all the same things I'm into, but I'm always happy when someone notices a reference and points it out^^  
> 3\. I don't know how regular updates will be because I just started my last semester of university and should probably work on my bachelor's thesis rather than a fanfic but I will try to post a chapter at least every second week  
> and with that said, have fun reading!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a pretty boy comes to get lemonade, Chan develops an instant crush and Changbin fails a dex save

"I'm going to need you all to throw a dex save right now", Chan announces. This is immediately followed by an annoyed groaning from Changbin – who always has the worst type of luck with saving throws – and Felix scowling.

"Oh come on, do you really need to sink that goddamn boat right now? Please tell me it's not some kind of fish people, I really don't want to fight fish people again."

Chan rolls his eyes at the comment but decides to ignore it this time. He's spent most of his first semester at university and away from his friends back at home with preparing the next combat encounters for the campaign they got stuck playing before he left and he's not going to let Felix's complaining about his lack of creativity when coming up with monsters get in the way of that. Also, it's not fish people. At least not this time.

"That's a D-Twenty, right?", Jisung asks. Chan can hear Changbin mutter something about how he is surrounded by idiots and maybe he would also comment something like that, but it's been a while since they last played so he decides to cut Jisung some slack. After all, it is their first session after almost half a year and with him gone they couldn't really continue their campaign and they probably would have felt bad about replacing him with someone else and starting new without him. Chan may have left them because he graduated and went on to university first but they stuck around to wait for him to come back and finish what he had started. Also, Jisung has never fully figured out this game either way. He almost certainly has never actually read the rule book himself and all his knowledge come from the other three explaining and correcting him time and time again. Jisung asking questions like this is nothing new. And Chan is way too patient and lenient of a DM to scold a player over asking questions.

"Yep and don't forget to add your ability modifier to your throw."

Jisung nods and then searches the table for his dice that he last touched a couple of minutes ago but has already lost sight of again. Striped brown, pink and a soft yellow. Neapolitan ice cream. A set he bought online a while ago when they first started playing and he didn't want to continue borrowing dice from Chan and Felix for all eternity. Changbin refuses to let anyone borrow dice from him because he is protective of the ones he has. Mostly custom sets as well, he has one made of actual semiprecious stones that he never uses but proudly displays on his shelf next to a tattered collector's edition of Lord of the Rings. Yet Felix is probably the biggest dice collector in their group. He has always liked all things cute and pretty and over the years has grown a collection of _aesthetic_ dice he finds on Etsy. Mostly see-through material but with some flowers or something in the middle. The ones he is using today are shimmering slightly blue and have small goldfish in the middle. Chan patiently waits for them all to roll with more or less enthusiasm and prays that no dice will end up on the floor or being thrown around this time.

"Okay, we'll go round, starting with Felix, everyone please tell me what you-"

Chan gets cut off in the middle of his sentence by the loud creaking sound of the door to their little hideout being pushed open. Time seems to slow down for a bit as all four of them turn their heads to look at who interrupted them. A boy is standing in the doorway. A very pretty boy with brown doe eyes opened wide in surprise, full lips slightly parted for a silent gasp. Strands of black hair fall into his face in a way that seems messy and unplanned and yet looks so perfect that Chan is sure the boy spent hours in front of a mirror this morning to make sure his hair falls into his face in just the right way to make him look effortlessly perfect. He's wearing a light blue apron, the logo of the small coffee shop Jisung's parents run printed onto his chest and overall he looks like he just walked straight out of that Coffee Prince drama that Chan totally has never watched and only knows because Felix won't shut up about it. After the prolonged second that somehow stretched into a small eternity in which Chan admires the stranger has passed he realises three fundamental truths at the exact same time. Number one, that pretty stranger just passed through a door that has _we are a bunch of losers_ written all over it in big bold letter. Literally. There's a sign that reads _speak friend and enter_ another one with _no muggles past this point_ scribbled onto it and finally a small one hanging around the door handle by a thread that just says _d &d in session, please don't disturb. _Number two, Chan is wearing a dark cloak that makes him look like the leader of some sort of occult organisation. Changbin and Jisung both have very questionable hats and Felix is literally wearing elf ears and a flower crown. There is no way this does not look like a cult meeting to the pretty stranger. Or at the very least they must look like a group of total idiots playing dress up in a basement room. Number three, the boy is really pretty. Like breathtakingly so. The kind of pretty that makes the whole world stop for a moment and if this were one of those romance movies Felix loves so much this would be the scene where everything happens in slow motion while music plays in the background and animated cherry blossom petals fly across the screen. Chan can feel a blush creeping onto his cheeks and- oh god no, this is not really happening right now. He's really here, crushing on first sight while looking like a total idiot. Absolutely fantastic.

"Yo, what are you doing down here?", Jisung asks the boy that just walked in on them. He sounds casual and not the least bit bothered by some stranger barging in on their D&D session. Almost as if he's talking to some friend from school or relative that he coincidentally met. Someone he knows but just didn't expect to see here. But Chan is pretty sure that this is no one from school. This is a relatively small town and he knows pretty much all the kids his friends go to school with. This boy is not one of them. Chan would have noticed him if he was. Definitely.

"Just picking up some lemonade, your mother said it's stored down here, I guess she forgot to mention that you guys are also hanging out here, I would have knocked first if she warned me", the boy replies in the same casual manner. They seem to know each other. He apparently even knows Jisung's mother. But when Chan looks over at Changbin and Felix they seem similarly confused about the boy leaning with his back against the opened door. So definitely not some kid from school.

"Oh yeah, it's in that shelf over there", Jisung explains while kind of pointing his chin in the direction of one of the shelves lining the wall. The basement room of the coffee shop has mainly two functions. The first is as their secret hangout for D&D sessions. The second - and also the only actually intended purpose - is storage for pretty much anything that doesn't need any special cooling or other storage conditions. Stuff like dry ingredients for the various cakes and pastries that are sold upstairs. Or the decorations that Jisung's mother puts up every year around Christmas. And also the stock of lemonade and other various sodas that is not stored in the cooler upstairs. Which is actually another reason they picked the basement here as their place to meet up. As long as they keep track of it they can pretty much take whatever they want from that shelf and drink lemonade whenever they feel like it. The pretty boy strolls over to the shelf and picks up a full chest of lemonade with a little bit of effort and a small grunt and maybe that is what finally startles Chan out of his awe.

"D-do you need help with that?", he manages to stammer. The boy looks at him. Really looks at him for the first time, kind of gives him a quick once over, not missing the weird cloak that is still half covering Chan's face and then somewhat raises an eyebrow at him in a way that could be either mocking or just genuinely intrigued.

"No thanks, but it would be cool if you could close the door for me, I kind of have my hands full here", he finally replies. Chan almost knocks over part of his set up when he jumps up way too eager to be helpful but no one really bothers with it except for Changbin who immediately reaches out for the figures standing in the middle of the table to make sure everything stays in position. Because maybe they've had one too many instances where they knocked their position markers over mid-fight and had to spent several minutes reconstructing everyone's places. The boy walks out and turns over his shoulder one last time, almost out of the door already.

"Have fun with your, uh... role play thing", he says and this time Chan is pretty sure that he is mocking them a little. But can he really blame him for it? They must look like total idiots. He gently closes the door behind the boy after staring at his backside for a little bit too long. Because damn the boy has a really nice... backside. And he's walking up the stairs.

Chan finally turns away and walks back to the table, a question burning on the tip of his tongue that he doesn't really dare to ask himself. He doesn't want to seem too interested in the stranger. That would be suspicious. But luckily for Chan, Felix lacks a brain to mouth filter and just burst out with the question in the same second that Chan closes the door.

"Who even _was_ that?!"

Everyone is looking at Jisung now because apparently he knows the boy. He just shrugs at the question, still looking as if nothing out of the ordinary just happened here, which leads Chan to believe that Jisung has known that boy for a while now and yet the other two have apparently not met him yet. Which is weird considering that Jisung and Felix usually stick together the same way gum sticks to the sole of your shoes.

"That's just Minho. His family moved here recently I think. He's working here as some summer job thing, started like a week ago. He's really nice. And he's around our age. Older than Changbin but younger than Chan I think. I hang out with him sometimes when he's taking a break or when there is not much going on in the shop."

The other two seem completely satisfied with that answer and ready to just brush it off with that and go back to their game but Chan is intensely focusing on every little detail, trying to remember all the information he can. His name is Minho, he's younger than him but older than Changbin, so it's likely that he has also finished school already. He just moved here, maybe he's from the city. Now that Chan is thinking about it, the boy spoke completely without any dialect. The kind of clean and crisp Korean that you only really hear in and around Seoul or on the news. If he's really fresh out of school then it would be weird for him to move here now. Usually, those that have just graduated high school move into the city to attend university there and not out of it to do a summer job in some small town by the seaside. It's normal to be curious about that, right? Because curious is definitely all that Chan is. Yeah, he's just very, very... _curious_ about Minho.

"Hey, Felix changed his dice!", Jisung suddenly interrupts Chan's train of thought with a loud accusing voice. To top it off he even jumps up from his chair to point a finger at Felix who promptly jumps up as well and slams both hands on the table. Changbin scrambles to make sure nothing falls over and Chan sighs. So they are doing that bit again.

"I did not!", Felix defends himself and looks in Chan's direction for support. But honestly, the last thing Chan was paying attention to for the past few moments were probably the dice on the table. Yet he also knows that he has to deescalate this somehow before it turns into a whole court style debate and they start addressing him with your honour, he's really not in the mood for that right now.

"How about you all just roll again? We got interrupted and I'm sure that we all kind of bumped the table a bit just now so maybe something fell over and the dice might have changed. And I didn't get a chance to check your throws before it happened so I can't check whether anyone here has tempered with his dice while I wasn't looking."

Felix sits back down with a slight pout on his face, Changbin lets out a loud sigh and Jisung, who is apparently not letting this slide just like that, now turns to point his finger at Chan.

"Come on, that's unfair, I actually had a decent roll just now", he complains. Chan shrugs. He is used to a bit of stubbornness from his player's at this point. But there is one card he can always play, even though he doesn't really like doing it.

"DM's decision, Jisung", he states calmly. "Also you were the one who even initiated this. Sit back down and roll again."

Jisung looks at the other two for support but both Felix and Changbin have already picked up their dice to throw again. So Jisung finally sits down with an overexaggerated pout and picks up his own dice and they all roll once more. And that's that. At least Chan thinks so but then Changbin's head hits the table surface while the boy lets out a loud groan.

"And I rolled a twelve the first time", he mutters against the table surface clearly devasted by whatever he rolled just now. Chan glances over at Changbin's dice. A four. Ouch. From across the table, Felix reaches out a hand to gently place it on Changbin's shoulder and gives him a couple of soft pats that are probably supposed to be comforting but all in all the whole thing just looks kind of ridiculous.

"That's rough, buddy", Felix hums. And that's that.

 


	2. Tragic Backstory™️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chan has a long inner monologue, makes a shocking discovery and instantly gives up on his crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of the overwhelming feedback on the first chapter, I'm publishing this a lot sooner than I thought I would, thank you all so very much!  
> (also lol did anyone else notice the D20 on the table in the 19 MV??? literally wtf?)

They continue for roughly another hour after that. Somehow Chan manages to get them through the whole combat without any further disturbances. But his head is not really in the game. He keeps forgetting about the functions and conditions of the bonus actions and spells the other guys throw around and has to ask them about what exactly they do and how exactly the damage is calculated time and time again. He blames it on the fact that they haven't played in a while but he knows that that is not all that is to it. Chan's mind is wandering and there is one topic he keeps coming back to.

Minho.

And he keeps telling himself that it's just innocent curiosity that is keeping him so distracted. He just wonders about the new kid in town. Wants to know what happened to make him end up here all the way down near the coast and far away from anything even remotely interesting. Maybe he just wants to make sure Minho is coping well here, wonders whether he has adapted to life here yet, whether he has found some friends or just someone to show him around town. Chan knows what it's like to be the new guy somewhere and he knows how stressful it can be. Especially when moving into a small town like this where everyone already knows everyone else and it only happens once every couple of years that someone new moves in. The last time it happened was probably when Felix's family moved here almost two years ago and Chan is sure that some people at school still refer to him as the new kid.

It's tough being the new kid. Chan knows that very well because before Felix got here it was him they only referred to as  _new kid_  because no one really bothered remembering his name for the first three weeks or so.

Chan's family moved here when he was fifteen. He was already used to moving around at that point. Being on the move and never really staying in the same place for more than a couple of years had become somewhat normal for him. But so far the moving around had at least been limited to one country. For a couple of years, it had even been one city. There is probably not a part of Sydney that Chan has not seen. So moving to Korea all of a sudden hit differently. But at least he had kept up with his Korean. Thanks to his parents speaking it a lot at home he had petty much grown up with two languages and always tried hard to not neglect one of them even though he only really needed one. Also, they would be moving just in time for the beginning of the new school year there. Chan would start high school together with a group of kids who were also just starting their first year. They would all be new. They would all need time to adjust. At least that was what he had hoped for. What he actually encountered were a group of kids that had already known each other for years, some friendships even going back all the way to elementary school. A town in which everyone already knew each other. And, finally, a scenario in which he ended up being the odd one out for almost two years.

To be fair to the other kids involved, it has to be said that Chan has never been particularly good at befriending people. Especially when they already kind of grouped together and he didn't want to try and squeeze himself into a group where he might be unwanted. Had he tried harder to talk to people, been more open, more social, a little more daring, maybe he would have had an easier time making friends. But as already mentioned, Chan has never been the best at making friends.

Things changed in the middle of his second year at high school. He had heard about Felix long before he had ever seen him. A new kid at school is already enough to get people whispering in the halls and passing back and forth notes in class. But a new kid in the middle of the year with a foreign sounding name might have just been the most interesting thing to ever happen at that school. Maybe only second to that one fabled time a third year threw his shoes onto the rooftop of the gym and then tried to climb the walls to get them back. Apparently, he almost got all the way up before he fell and miraculously only twisted his ankle. It's rumoured that the shoes are still up there and that every year during summer break the boy comes back and tries to climb the gym walls to get them back. Maybe all schools have stories like that. Either way, Chan had probably heard five different versions of the entire backstory of a certain Lee Felix before he had ever seen him in person. There was only one thing all of the stories agreed on. He was new, he was a foreigner – Australien some said, which only added to Chan's curiosity – he was in first grade and he looked "different".

So Chan went looking for him during lunch break. Honestly, Felix hadn't been hard to spot. Chan immediately understood what the others had meant when they had talked about him being foreign-looking. His hear was bleached blond, his skin a little more tan, freckles scattered over his face, anime buttons on his school bag and the widest smile on his face when Chan sat down his food next to him and greeted him in English.

 

A lot of things have changed since that first encounter but the way Felix smiles as if he's the literal fucking sun is still the same. Take away the elf ears, the flower crown and the pink streaks in his hair and he is still the same excited 15-years-old boy, eager to meet a new friend.

"Maybe you should take them off before you leave", Chan suggest, pointing vaguely to Felix's ears. They are packing up for the day, Chan has rid himself of his cloak and Changbin is busy carefully putting his dice in the small pouch he has attached to his belt just for that while Jisung is frantically searching under the table for one of his dice that he thinks fell down earlier. Felix reaches up to touch his ears unconsciously and gasps a little when he feels the rubber ears on top of his actual ones.

"Oh, almost forgot about that,  _thanks mate_ ", he mutters. Chan only nods, not bothering with it any more than that. Even though he can't imagine at all how one would be able to forget about wearing elf ears. He tried them on once and it was maybe the most uncomfortable sensation he has ever felt. They are itchy, weirdly stick to the skin and you start sweating under them after a couple of minutes. Before that Chan wasn't even really aware that ears could sweat.

"Has anyone seen my D-Eight?", Jisung asks. His head is popping up from under the table where he is still on his knees and searching around on the floor.

"It's literally right there on the table", Changbin explains without even really looking up. Jisung bumps his head on the table when he jumps up and then curses loudly for several seconds. Felix laughs, Chan shakes his head and even though Changbin stays quiet as usual a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

"Can we just let the setup stay like this overnight or is anyone else gonna come down here? We're meeting again tomorrow afternoon, right?", Chan asks before even more chaos can ensue. Or before Jisung can actually try to fight Felix for laughing about his misery and Changbin silently films the whole thing. Wouldn't be the first time something like that happens but they don't talk about Chan's eighteenth birthday party for a reason. Jisung rubs at his forehead once again before he shrugs.

"I guess no one else is gonna come in here and even if I doubt that they would mess with our set up."

Chan is willing to take Jisung's word on this, mostly because he doesn't want to carry all of his stuff home and always tearing it down and then setting it back up the next day is tedious work that he can gladly pass on. Changbin doesn't look as convinced but instead of complaining he just snaps a couple of pictures with his phone that he will probably compare with how the table looks tomorrow. And God beware if anything is just the slightest bit different from how things should be. All hell will break loose then. But the rest of the group doesn't really bother with Changbin for now, as they do most of the time honestly. Jisung has finally gathered all his dice and is ready to change the topic again.

"By the way, mom said that if there are any muffins or cake or something leftover at the end of the day we'll have that for dessert tonight, so does anyone want to stay for dinner?"

"Oh hell yes!", Felix exclaims right away, throwing an arm around Jisung overly enthusiastically. Jisung grins wide while he turns to the other two. Changbin shrugs.

"As much as I love your mom's cooking I don't think I can stand being in the same room as you two any longer without murdering someone", he deadpans. Jisung pouts a little but doesn't engage in their usual friendly banter. Apparently, they have used up all their energy for today. Instead, Jisung turns to Chan and looks at him expectingly. But Chan can only shake his head slowly.

"Sorry, I promised my parents I'd be home for dinner." He adds in a slight shrug for good measure and then leaves it at that. Jisung rolls his eyes once and then throws an arm around Felix, who still has his arm around Jisung's shoulder.

"Looks like it's just you and me against the rest of the world, my only loyal friend who is not just exploiting me for my family's basement", he announces dramatically. The smile on Felix's face could only be described as literally beaming.

"The world may be against us but at least there is more cake for us", Felix declares with his whole chest. Changbin snorts.

"Yeah sure, your only loyal friend is exploiting you not only for your family's basement but also for free cake."

Jisung sends him a death glare and pulls Felix even closer as if that would prove any point somehow.

"Just get lost, dwarf", he replies. And that's exactly what Changbin does.

 

Chan decides to take the long way home that night. Which is honestly his usual route home. He likes walking along the shore, maybe even over the beach if the weather is still nice. Beaches remind him of Australia, of his youth, of places that feel like home. This place feels like home as well. At least now it does. It didn't really for the longest time. But walks on the beach and befriending Lee Felix changed that.

The only real downside to nightly walks on the beach is that they get Chan thinking. Sometimes that can also be a good thing. When it's pleasant thoughts, appreciation for the small things in life that he usually doesn't have the time to really ponder about. Small things that matter. Little details like the way the ocean sounds or how the summer breeze still feels comfortably warm so late at night. But most of the time the thoughts he has while walking along the seaside after the sun has taken her daily dip into the ocean and won't emerge again for another ten hours or so are of a more melancholic nature. And once Chan stats thinking he usually doesn't stop until he is home. Always arriving a little later than he thought he would and slightly puzzled about what exactly took him so long.

Now that he is thinking about it, they are a rather weird group. The friends he has now are mostly people he didn't think he would ever interact with. And yet they are all gathered together in a basement now. Honestly, it's all because of Felix. When Chan first met the younger Aussie he thought that he was the one picking Felix up and offering him someone to confide in. But actually, it was always the other way around. Chan was just the first one. But Felix gathered up the weirdos around him and grouped them all together one by one. In their little solar system, he really is the sun.

Within just a few weeks at school, Felix had accomplished what Chan hadn't managed to achieve in over a year. He had made friends his age.

Changbin was the first of the two Felix introduced to Chan. He just sat with them at lunch one day. No big explanation from either of them. No formal introduction. It had actually taken Chan a couple of days to really catch Changbin's name. The boy wasn't talkative at all. At least not until Chan had tried out a couple of different topics and eventually hit the bull's eye with fantasy novels. As it turned out Changbin had always been a hardcore fantasy nerd, to an extent where he even admitted to knowing several fantasy and sci-fi languages but refused to speak any of them at first because he was sure they would make fun of him. By now Chan has actually heard Changbin speak bits and pieces of several made-up languages and honestly, it is more amazement than anything else that overcomes him every time Changbin spits insults – or at least that is what Chan believes those words to be – in Klingon or Elvish at Jisung who doesn't understand a word of it. Befriending Changbin was like playing memory. Slowly turning over card after card until you finally have all the matches. Next to fantasy and sci-fi he also likes musicals and old Nintendo games. He very passionately argues about which starter Pokémon is actually the best and probably has a PDF presentation on the Zelda timeline ready somewhere. He just doesn't really look the part. Whenever they met out of school and in casual clothes Changbin was dressed in all black. That together with his somewhat brooding expression and the intimidating glimmer in his eye made him look almost like a goth kid. Only missing the black eyeliner and heavy make-up. Then again... there was a phase. They do not talk about that though. At least not when Changbin is in earshot and ready to kill. Which has never actually stopped Jisung from digging up  _those_ pictures every other month.

Jisung was the last addition to the group. His entrance was a lot louder and probably a lot more unexpected. If Changbin already doesn't look the part then Jisung looks like another species compared to them. He was, or rather still is, the type of kid Chan would usually avoid. The pretty, popular guy that wears college jackets whenever he can and is way too interested in the school's sports clubs. But turns out he also likes animation movies and cheesy romance dramas. Befriending Jisung was like finally watching that weird show with the silly name your friend recommended to you a while ago. The one you were kind of unsure about but ended up loving after the first episode and now can't get enough of. And when you finally text him to admit it he just says  _see, I told you so._  Felix and Jisung share a passion for cheesy cliched romance and thanks to Felix bad influence Jisung now also watches romance anime sometimes. The two have always got along wonderfully. Whereas Changbin and Jisung have a bit of a complicated relationship. Sometimes Chan is not sure whether it's friendly bickering or just actual hate. Maybe it's both, depending on the time of day.

Of course, it was also Felix who came up with the idea of starting Dungeons and Dragons together. Apparently, he had played with some friends back in Australia before moving here. Surprisingly it was Changbin who agreed first. Almost too eager compared to how quiet and almost disinterested in everything he usually comes across as. Chan, who had never actually played before but watched podcast every once in a while when he was bored also agreed after seeing how enthusiastic the other two were about that idea. And Jisung pretty much just decided to come along for the ride as he always does.

At first, Felix was actually supposed to be their DM because he was the only one who had actually played before. But in the end, it was probably for the best that Chan volunteered. The group is already chaotic enough as is. So, when he should actually have been studying for end of year exams, he stayed up night after night to read through the player's handbook and come up with their first campaign. He still passed every exam though, so his parent's agreed to buy him a starter set, complete with dice and a physical copy of the handbook. And so that vacation they started their first D&D campaign.

Felix plays as an elf ranger, somewhat arrogant, self-centred, chaotic neutral and with a long and fancy name for every trick or weapon he has up his sleeves. Even though Felix probably spent the least amount of time on his character sheet, his character is the most thought out. But that's just because he is using a modified version of the character he used to play before. Jisung has created a human bard and his one strategy in the game is to charm off the pants of everyone that gets in his way. It's annoying how he always has good rolls when he is trying to seduce whatever comes his way and honestly, one day Chan will probably have a complete mental breakdown over the fact that he has to let the group escape yet another trap because Jisung managed to charm whatever guard he put there. And then there is Changbin with his dwarf mage. Neither was his first choice. But he got bullied into picking a dwarf for being the smallest in the group. Especially by Jisung who is just barely an inch taller than Changbin. And a mage was kind of necessary as a healer to babysit the other two. All things considered, it is understandable that Changbin seems that fed up with his friends at all times. Sometimes Chan almost feels bad for him. But in the end, he as the DM is the one to suffer most under the shenanigans of his friends. So he only feels a little bad.

 

Chan arrives home ten minutes later than he said he would. His mother doesn't ask any questions, only ruffles his hair and tells him that dinner is ready and on the table. She's used to her son being a bit of a scatterbrain. And honestly, she would be lying if she said that she isn't happy about him spending time with his friends. Even if that means that dinner gets a little cold sometimes.

 

When Chan pushes open the door to the coffee shop the next day he notices two things. First thing, apparently Jisung's parents finally got the doorbell fixed. A sweet silvery sound chimes through the air when Chan opens the door, announcing his entrance. Second thing, it's not Jisung's mother standing behind the counter to greet him with her welcoming smile. And also not his father with his loud and cheerful voice. It's Minho. The boy has one elbow propped up on the counter and scrolls through his phone with the thumb of his other hand. When he hears Chan enter he looks up for a moment but doesn't really bother with him for long.

"Ah, it's you", he notices, audible disinterested. As if he was either waiting for someone else to show up or already expected Chan to drop by sooner or later. Chan awkwardly takes a couple of steps and then stops in the middle of the room. There isn't much business happening right now. A group of schoolgirls that Chan only knows from having passed them in the halls a couple of times before sitting around a table, their summer homework laid out in front of them but they all seem a lot more interested in the gossip they have to share. By the window, the old man who used to sell fish on the market and always gave Chan some candy when he was out shopping with his mother is reading his newspaper while sipping on a coffee. Behind the counter, Minho is looking up from his phone again and slightly raises an eyebrow at Chan.

"If you're looking for Jisung he isn't here right now, but he said he'll be back around three, so I guess he'll be here soon", he explains finally. Chan sighs internally. He sent a message in the group chat last night to confirm the time again, but it's just like his friends to not be there and leave him awkwardly waiting. He's used to it honestly.

"Thanks, uh, for telling me. I'll just... sit around here and wait for him."

"Sure thing, want something to drink while you're waiting?"

Chan pretends to study the drink menu for a moment even though he should probably know it by heart at this point with all the hours he has spent here. But he is kind of blacking out and he also needs an excuse to avoid Minho's eyes now that the other boy has fully put down his phone to focus on Chan.

"Uh, a lemonade please", he manages to reply before he drags the silence out for too long. Minho nods before he walks over to the cooler standing next to the coffee machine and other equipment. Most of the time it's stacked completely because people rarely go to coffee shops to purchase soda, but Jisung's father still insists that offering cooled drinks in summer is a genius business idea. But apparently, Chan is the first to actually buy a lemonade since the cooler last got filled up again. But at least a handful of people must have bought a coke if the gaps in the top row are anything to judge by. Minho comes back with the bottle, sets it down on the counter and then punches something into the cash register.

"That'll be 2.500 Won please", he says and Chan is stunned for a second. He is so used to getting that lemonade for free that he honestly didn't think about having to pay for it. He fumbles around for a bit until he finds his wallet. It's mostly a coincidence that he actually happens to carry it with him right now. Then again, Chan is a firm believer that there are a couple of things one should always have on hand. Such as a phone, wallet, ID, maybe keys. And possibly also a towel. A towel is the most useful thing you can have. Chan hands Minho the cash, his fingers already feeling awkwardly sweaty but if Minho notices it he doesn't let it show. He just hands Chan back his change and then opens the bottle for him, throws in a straw for good measure and then hands it to him.

"There you go", he says, the fake cheerfulness of customer service voice colouring his tone honey sweet. Chan forces an awkward smile before he hurries over to the next free table where he sits down and pretends to check something on his phone while simultaneously trying to not poke his eye out with the straw. He tries hard to not stare at Minho the whole time. He really does. But there is not much else to look at. No new messages on his phone and the mobile data on his phone is too weak to load tumblr. Of course, he could just log into the free wifi, but then his excuse wouldn't work anymore. So maybe he wants to stare at Minho, what about it? At first, he just watches the other boy stand behind the counter and look casually gorgeous while he carelessly scrolls through his phone even though he is supposed to be working. Honestly, there is something about the whole scenario that makes him look almost intimidating. Threatening. Like he is above everyone else and he knows it. Chan would brush it off as arrogance. Maybe even be irritated by the boy who apparently thinks he is too good to actually be working and instead just takes his time to lounge around and get paid for it regardless. And maybe if that were really the case Chan could finally stop thinking about Minho. Could just note him down as some boy that maybe looks pretty but act like a prick because of it. But of course, Minho just has to prove him wrong and show that he is actually fucking perfect.

After another moment of scrolling, he puts down his phone and looks around the shop for anything to do. At first, he swipes the already clean counter with a wet cloth, then he walks over to where the friendly old man is sitting and offers him a refill on his coffee. After he declines and they have exchanged some friendly chit-chat he walks over to the table with the schoolgirls. Chan can hear how their low murmured gossip comes to a halt when he approaches and instead turns into hushed squeals and giggles. He is sure that he heard one of the girls whisper "oh my god he's so handsome, like an idol". And honestly,  _big mood_  as Felix would say. Minho asks the girls if there is anything else he can get them and one of them asks if she could have his number while the rest of her friends are giggling and hiding their faces behind their hands. Minho chuckles a little and then asks if there is anything they want that is actually on the menu. Chan watches him flirt with the girls for a bit, getting second-hand flustered just by watching him wink at one of them while he picks up a couple of empty dishes from their table. He carries them back to the counter, probably to throw them into the dishwasher but stops halfway to look at Chan with a slightly puzzled expression on his face.

"Is something up? You're kind of... glaring at me the whole time."

_Fuck._

"I'm sorry, I'm just, uh, thinking. Wondering when Jisung will get his ass back here", Chan stammers the first excuse that comes to his mind. And honestly it's a terrible one, but Minho seems to buy it. He nods silently to himself.

"Jisung can be a real pain in the ass, huh?"

And of course, it's in that exact second that the door to the coffee shop is being pushed open and Jisung enters loudly. Not just because of the loud chiming of the doorbell but the general fashion in which he enters. Jisung could be standing in a corner not moving and Chan would still describe it as loudly. It's just who Jisung is. He exists loudly. A vibrant flash of colours, arms stretched wide as if to greet the entire room and make everyone aware of his presence.

"Heard you were talking shit", he announces. Felix follows right behind Jisung, snickering at the comment. Minho rolls his eyes but shrieks a little when Jisung throws an arm around him in the next second.

"Han Jisung, I swear, if you make me break another plate you better explain this to your parents because I'm not paying for the damage", he complains, but at the same time, he is laughing. He frees one hand to ruffle Jisung's hair and mess it up real good at which the boy pouts at him.

"Oh come on, you know you love me", Jisung replies and Minho rolls his eyes again. Chan watches the whole thing unfold and once again it strikes him as odd how casual Jisung and Minho talk to each other. It's not unusual for Jisung to act comfortable around people rather quickly. And it's also not out of character for him to be very casual with physical contact like that. Hell, Chan gave that boy a piggyback ride within a week of knowing him and at movie night Jisung and Felix almost always form a pile in some corner of the couch if Felix is not half sitting on Changbin's lap already. But there is still something about the way Jisung acts so friendly and intimate with Minho that rubs Chan the wrong way. It's suspicions. They are too close. Look at each other a little too fondly despite the bickering. Touch each other too casually in front of so many watching eyes and then it suddenly dawns on Chan. They like each other. Jisung and Minho  _like_ like each other. And he is a complete and utter fool with a hopeless crush. This is probably what the kids would call an epic fail. Chan, however, decides to just call it yet another tragic chapter in the messed up story that is his life.


	3. a guy that I'd kinda be into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chan takes the scenic route, throws rocks at the ocean and fails miserably at giving up on his crush.

The rock doesn't skip even once and just pathetically sinks into the water with a small  _plop_  and a bit of splashing. Of course it doesn't skip. Rocks only really skip on shallow water. And if you throw them right. And preferably if it's flat and kind of rounded stones. Just aggressively throwing every one of them that is within hands reach into the thrashing waves of the ocean sure won't make any of them skip. But that doesn't stop Chan from picking up yet another rock with sharp edges from the sandy ground and hauling it off into the water. It splashes and sinks just like every other rock he's thrown before this one. It's hard to tell how many rocks he has sunk or for how long he has been standing here now but he is sure that he will be late for dinner again and that at this point it's already too late to even worry about it. The food is probably cold already. And it will still be cold, no matter if he gets home within the next five minutes or in half an hour. He's getting stuck in old routines once again. Taking the long way home, walking the beach at night. Throwing rocks at an ocean that just swallows them whole without even being bothered by such insignificantly small worries. 

Chan has always liked the ocean.

No matter if the waves are calm and shallow or wild and foamy with a storm brewing up somewhere in the distance, the seemingly endless masses of water have always given him some sort of comfort. The water, no matter what state it is in, somehow always gives off the impression that it is this huge unbothered force of nature that is only concerned with itself. It's vast, it's endless and it's deep enough to swallow all of his worries. Because compared to the huge masses of water, it's all just small pebbles being tossed into a fountain. Chan could throw every rock on this whole shore into the water and the ocean still wouldn't be bothered. It just keeps swallowing them, no matter how rough or hard he throws. It swallows them and maybe years later it will spit them out again. Smooth and rounded. And maybe if Chan just keeps hauling all his frustration into the ocean together with the rocks he's throwing it will also spit those back at him in the same way. Calmed and no longer sharp.

Chan picks up another rock from the ground and attaches a thought to it before he throws it away.  _Jisung likes Minho and I'm jealous_ he thinks while he watches the rock drown in the waves. And maybe after some time has passed the rock will land on the shore again, softened by the back and forth of the waves. And maybe by that time, he will have moved on as well. Maybe when the rock lands on the shore again the thought attached to it will say  _Jisung and Minho like each other and I'm happy for them._ But not today. Today Chan is just an angsty boy throwing rocks at the ocean late in the evening.

He picks up another one and is about to throw it when he suddenly notices another person approaching him. They are waving a hand above their head while walking directly into his direction. Chan squints his eyes a little to make out the person and – oh fuck this is not really happening right now. Minho is walking right up to him, waving with one hand and using the other to wrap himself a little tighter into the fluffy looking light blue jacket he is wearing. The wind is messing with his hair, blowing a few strands into his face and the light of the setting sun gives his skin an almost golden glow. He is gorgeous. Chan's first reflex is to look behind him in case anyone else is standing there who Minho might be waving at. But when he doesn't see anyone else he shyly raises a hand to wave back at him. The hand with which he is still holding the rock. Minho is now close enough that Chan can see his facial expression and he kind of raises an eyebrow at the rock in Chan's hand while he takes down his own hand to run his fingers through his hair and brush it out of his face.

"Hey, I saw you and thought I'd just say hi", Minho explains when he is close enough to be heard without having to shout over the distant sound of the waves. He's pushed both hands into the pockets of his jacket now and somehow it's making him look a little smaller. He's naturally shrugging his shoulders a little, arms pressed tightly to his sides. His whole posture makes him look awkward and a little bit insecure. As if he is the one shy about approaching Chan. Somehow that alone is enough to prevent Chan from functioning normally.

"Hi, Minho", he replies, like the complete idiot that he is. Minho slightly raises an eyebrow once again.

"How do you know my name? I don't think we've really introduced ourselves yet."

Yeah, they really haven't. Chan is just some creepy stalker that already knows about Minho because he asked his friend and memorised every little detail. Like a creep. A weirdo.

"Jisung, uh, told me your name after you... interrupted us yesterday", he stammers out his excuse. Well, actually it's the truth. Jisung did tell him. He wasn't even the one to ask about it directly. But somehow Chan still feels like a creep. But Minho only nods and shrugs his shoulders a little.

"Well, I guess I kind of know you as well", he muses. He's slightly kicking at the ground with one foot, drawing short lines into the sand while looking around before he suddenly looks up again. "You are Chan, right? I've met Felix before and Changbin is the small one. Jisung talks about you guys a lot. You're the one that  _abandoned_ the group, his words, not mine, to go to university in Seoul, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I guess that would be me", Chan replies with a slight shrug. "I'm not sure what Jisung told you about me, but don't believe everything he says."

Minho chuckles. It's the sweetest sound Chan has ever heard. Like the waves softly hitting the shore or the bell above the door of the coffee shop softly chiming again after just having been fixed. "I figured as much. But actually, he's only said good things about you. I think he actually admires you a lot. He talks about you like you are his personal hero, makes you sound like some really cool guy. I was actually getting a little bit excited when he told me you would be coming over."

"I hope you're not disappointed now", Chan says with a small forced chuckle to mask the fact that his mind is racing a million miles an hour while his heart is beating out of his chest. Minho makes a sound that is half laughter half snort. A small  _pfft_ kind of noise that makes him scrunch up his nose in the most adorable way.

"I think I'll need some more time to see for myself if you are really everything that Jisung makes you out to be, but you seem nice. Also, we are around the same age, I think. I don't really know a lot of people my age around here yet. So, yeah...“, his voice fades out towards the end of the sentence and for a moment he is just staring off into the distance while seemingly spacing out a little. Chan doesn't mind at all because that gives him time to come up with a proper reply. Does he offer to spend some time together so they can get to know each other? Or is that too bold already? But Minho basically indirectly asked him to be friends. Didn't he?

"When were you born?", Chan asks instead because he is an idiot and a coward. Minho snaps out of his small daze to turn back with a soft smile.

"In ninety-eight, October... the twenty-fifth."

"Oh", Chan whispers. Jisung did mention that Minho is younger than him but somehow he's only just now realising it. He's not a lot younger. But he  _is_ younger. And something about this makes Chan's head spin even more. A small smile lingers on his lips when he speaks up again. Suddenly he feels a little less lost. A little more like he has the upper hand. "Then I'm older by a little more than a year. I was born on the third of October. In ninety-seven."

"Do you want me to call you Hyung then?", Minho asks with a bit of teasing in both the cheeky smile he is flashing and his tone of voice. Aaaaand it's gone. The bit of confidence Chan thought he had gained back is suddenly washed away. With just a snap of a finger, it has completely pulverised. And he really thought he was getting the upper hand here. Some battles you just can't win. Especially not if a small word is enough to get you flustered like that. Being called Hyung should be nothing new to Chan. Almost everyone he hangs out with is younger than him. Then again, Felix pretty much drops honorifics entirely when he is talking to Chan and Jisung is a little shit with no respect – not that Chan would be one to demand that the others address him properly – who just talks to him like they are the same age and have been friends for years. Changbin is actually the only one to frequently call Chan Hyung. If he is not also dropping honorifics because  _fuck the age-based hierarchy, fuck society and down with the bourgeoisie_ or something like that. But still, a simple honorific shouldn't get Chan so flustered. And yet the second the word leaves Minho's mouth the world stops turning for a second and the sounds of the ocean grows louder in the background. Then again, it might just be the sound of the blood rushing up into Chan's head to colour his cheeks rosy.

"Uh, if you want to... I mean I don't insist on it. I don't really care but... yeah..."

Minho is laughing now and it makes Chan feel lightheaded and insecure at the same time. Part of him wishes the ground would just open up and swallow him whole, the other part is silently hoping that this moment never passes. That he can just stand here on this beach for forever, nothing but the sound of waves and Minho's soft laughter.

"So what are you doing here, Chan- _hyung_?", Minho asks, with a huge emphasis on the  _hyung._ Chan hopes that he can blame the bright red colour of his face on the light of the setting sun painting his pale skin like that. He's really so absolutely crushing on Minho, even though he knows that he shouldn't. Even though he promised himself he wouldn't. But he's helpless.

"I was just on the way home", he explains quickly, hoping that if he just keeps the conversation going like a normal human being he will be alright. "How about you?"

"Same here. My shift just ended so I'm heading back home. Or actually my aunt's place. My mom and I kind of live with her at the moment. It's... a long story."

"I have time", Chan hears himself blurt out before he can stop it. For a moment he almost follows that up by clasping his hand in front of his mouth to make him look like even more of a fool but at least this time he manages to stop himself before making the situation even more awkward for himself. Instead, he begins rambling and stuttering and trying to take back the words that are already out. "I mean, only if you want to share of course. Like, I'm here to listen in case you need, uh, want to talk about it. I mean it's probably personal and we just met and I shouldn't be prying or anything. But it's just that Jisung kind of told us that you just recently moved and I'm kind of curious about how you ended up here out of all places and, uh, yeah..."

He's laughing again. Loud and bubbly and absolutely lovely. And even though he is probably laughing  _about_ Chan, he can't help the way his heart starts racing again. God, he's such a loser. Pathetic. He is really out here being all flustered because a cute boy is laughing about how much of an idiot he is. Chan must have looked uncomfortable or something because Minho stops laughing again and tilts his head to the side as if he is thinking about something.

"Well, my mom used to live here as a child I think. Her sister, my aunt, still does. She runs that flower shop here in town, maybe you know her." Minho pauses just long enough for Chan to nod a little. He does know the flower shop. Or at least he thinks he knows. He only knows of one flower shop in the area and it's owned by a friendly woman in her fifties who lives alone and always lets stray cats walk into the shop and gives them a nice sunny spot to sleep as long as they are not bothering anyone or knocking anything over. Chan used to go there at least once a year. Usually on his mother's birthday to buy some flowers for her. And he always spent way too much time because he'd end up playing with a stray cat or losing track of time while chatting with the owner about the music that was playing on the radio right now or the book she was reading when things weren't busy and there was nothing to do around the shop. Minho nods back at Chan before he continues talking. "So yeah, we are living with my aunt at the moment until we find a place of our own again. My mom is not sure yet if we'll stay in the area but I think it's actually what she wants. I don't think that she was ever truly happy in Seoul. We haven't even been here for a month but I think I've already seen her happy more than in my entire life so far. This place wouldn't have been my first choice, I gotta admit that, but seeing her happy is nice. Especially after everything that happened. Oh, probably should have started by saying that. My parents just got a divorce."

He says it so casually. In the same tone of voice one would use to talk about the weather or make a small aside in a conversation. The same way Changbin casually mentions that he's started reading a new book or that Jisung and Felix make casual observations about other people they know from school. He says it with so little emotion that Chan is completely stunned for a moment until he finally manages to stammer out a reply.

"I'm... sorry, that must be hard."

He means well but apparently, the road to hell is paved with bad intentions and no good deed goes unpunished because Minho immediately furrows his eyebrows and looks at Chan with a face that clearly has irritated written all over it in bold letters.

"I don't need pity, it's better the way it is", he says very coldly. Chan wraps his arms around himself to feel the goosebumps. It's almost as if the wind has suddenly become stronger, the wind colder. The mood is so much tenser all of a sudden. He really messed this up. And he doesn't even really know how.

"I'm sorry... I just... I thought... yeah, sorry", he mumbles, his voice becoming thinner with every word until it just dies down into a faint whisper that is barely audible above the wind and the waves. Minho's brows are still furrowed, then he lets out a loud sigh, runs a hand through his hair and soothes over the angry wrinkles on his forehead. When he drops the hand again his hair is messy but his face is calm. A little frustrated if anything.

"I'm sorry too, shouldn't have snapped at you like that. It's just that... ugh, I don't even know. I think I'm just sick of people looking at me all sad and acting like this must be so terrible for me because  _oh no his parents got a divorce and they were probably fighting so much and this must be oh so hard for him because that's gotta be so traumatising._ And they don't even know anything about the actual situation and it's just... it's pissing me off so much. It's better this way. It really is."

Chan presses his lips together before he can apologise again. For a moment both of them stay silent. The wind blows a little harsher once again and Minho wraps himself up in his fluffy blue jacket a little tighter. For a moment he looks so small. So vulnerable. And Chan can barely control his urge to touch him. To reach out and place a comforting hand on his shoulder. To pull him in a hug and let him know that everything is alright. But he shouldn't. So he doesn't. And they just continue standing there silently. Minho bends down to pick up a stone. He grabs it with his right hand, inspects it, tosses it back and forth between his two hands for a moment like he is juggling with just one ball that happens to be a stone. Then he throws it. With his left hand. He throws it hard and far. Far enough for the sound it makes upon hitting the water not being audible from where they are standing. They can only watch the bit of water that splashes up where the stone sinks into the ocean. Chan wonders what baggage Minho threw away together with it. But he doesn't ask. They are standing next to each other, both looking at the ocean quietly, their own thoughts loud in their minds. Chan keeps sneaking glances at Minho, watches how the last rays of sunlight reflect in his sparkling eyes. The way he shoves his hands deep into his pockets and presses his arms tightly to his sides, legs kicking at the ground. He's always in motion. Probably it's to keep him warm in the cool evening wind. But at the same time, even the smallest of movements look graceful. Like he is dancing along to a song that only he can hear. The way someone dances at the train station when they are listening to music through their headphones and their favourite song comes on shuffle. Small steps, softly nodding their head along to the beat, trying not to attract too much attention because they are aware of they judging glances of curious eyes all around and at the same time, nothing else matters but the music no one else can hear. Minho suddenly turns to look at him and he probably noticed that Chan was staring at him. But he's smiling softly.

"I should probably head home, I promised to be back in time for dinner", he says. Chan nods slowly.

"Yeah, me too. I'll see you around I guess?"

„Sure. It was nice talking to you, Chan-hyung.“

A wink. A smirk. A small wave over his shoulder before he turns to walk away. And Chan remains where he was. Alone on the beach. Just a fool crushing on a pretty boy he can't ever get to like him back. He picks up another rock and tosses it as hard as he can.

_There is no way he would ever like me back but I can't help it._

 He bends down to blindly pick up the next one – the last one for today, he promises himself – without even watching the other sink first. But instead of a rock, his fingers brush something smooth. He picks it up and watches the last rays of sun reflect in the shard of brown glass. Smooth and no longer sharp. No cutting edges. Just a soft piece of glass, maybe a little murky, a little gnarled from where the sand worked the surface with every wave. Chan sighs and puts it in the back pocket of his jeans before he finally heads back home. Dinner is probably cold already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol, this chapter is literally just dialogue, I'm sorry. Also, I promise it's not gonna continue being this angsty.
> 
> (and if anyone has seen Endgame and wants to talk about it feel free to slide into my DMs cause I watched it twice and I'm still crying xD)


	4. Smooth Criminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a birthday party is planned, last minute gifts are organised and Chan realises he is way behind on his essay.

"Just letting you know that we are celebrating our birthdays this weekend", Jisung announces pretty much the second that Chan has pushed open the door and walked into their basement room. Changbin is already sitting at the table and even though there is no way he has been there for longer than five minutes he already looks fed up. Then again, that is pretty much his resting facial expression and it's kind of hard to tell the difference between Changbin just being Changbin and him actually being annoyed. Maybe he's just always annoyed, but that's yet again another thing entirely. Felix is sitting  _on_ the table, legs happily bouncing back and forth while he's furiously tapping his phone. He's probably playing some rhythm game or something like that. Chan remembers that when they were all still in school together he used to be obsessed with that one anime or whatever rhythm game. The name started with o he thinks. It's gonna come to him any second now. Meanwhile, Jisung is standing in the middle of the room and dramatically pointing a finger at Chan. For a moment he wonders just how long Jisung has been standing there waiting for him to come in just so he could jump at him with their birthday party invitation.

"Oh, it's this weekend?", Chan asks, feigning ignorance just to see Jisung pout at the reaction. Of course, Chan didn't really forget. There is no way he could forget about the birthdays of not one but two of his closest friends. They wouldn't let him forget about it even if he tried. It's a funny little coincidence that Jisung happens to be just a day older than Felix and the rest is pretty much history at this point.

"Oh come on, don't pretend you forgot", Jisung complains while crossing his arms in front of his chest. That in combination with his pout makes him look even more like a bratty child that is upset because his parents are sending him to be when he is still totally not tired at all. Chan laughs and for a moment he almost reaches out a hand to ruffle through Jisung's kind of orange hair. When did he even bleach it like that? Maybe Felix helped him with that. If anyone in their social circle knows how to pour some bleach and hair dye onto their head it's probably Felix. Even though Chan has also pondered just straight up pouring bleach over his hair until it's white – and possible also fried and ruined for life. Either way, back on topic. The birthday party.

"I don't think I could forget about it even if I wanted to", Chan jokingly replies. Jisung huffs out some air but at least he finally unfolds his arms and rolls his eyes before his lips twitch into a smile.

"So you're coming, right?", he asks, even though they both know it's not really a question. Chan comes to their birthday party. That's just how it is. It's been like that ever since Jisung first invited them to his birthday party and Felix replied with  _but that's my birthday._  Which has lead them to realise that their birthdays are literally just one day apart. It has also lead to Jisung taking any chance he gets to remind Felix that he is older and randomly walk up to him to start a conversation with  _when I was your age_ and then just recount what he did the day before. So yeah, ever since they discovered that they are basically twins they have been even more annoying than before. They insist that they have some kind of special cosmic soulmate bond, that they were born in completely different countries and at different times – Jisung late in the evening and Felix in the early morning hours – but under the same sky and therefore the universe intended for them to meet and become best friends. And go on everyone's nerves, as Changbin likes to add. They also insist on celebrating their birthdays together.

"Sure, are you making your mom bake you two cakes again?", Chan asks. He knows what the answer to that is going to be but he feels like being a bit annoying himself.

"One of them is for Felix", Jisung protests right away. Because of course he doesn't see that Chan is just messing with him. Somewhere in the back, Changbin is theatrically throwing his head onto the table for no one but Chan to see. Felix is curiously looking up from his phone at the mention of his name but he doesn't really bother to get into the conversation yet.

"So which of them is for him then?"

"The chocolate", Jisung says at the same moment as Felix replies with "Cheesecake". Jisung whirls around and they exchange looks. No words are spoken between them but Chan can still pretty much hear their silent conversation as if someone is narrating it into his ear. Jisung glares at Felix, Felix shrugs his shoulders and points at Jisung who dramatically stabs his finger into his own chest while waving his other hand around. A couple of seconds pass before someone finally says something out loud again.

"Who cares about their damn birthday cakes, can we just get going already?" Changbin has lifted himself from the table again and this time Chan is sure that he is actually a little annoyed. Then again, maybe he never is and just always looks like it. Experience also tells Chan that Changbin is a big softie and can't actually ever get upset. Jisung throws his arms up in defeat and then sits down at the table with a pout. Felix climbs off the table to sit down at his place as well and Chan manages to catch a glance at his phone screen. Osu! That was the name. He knew that it was something with an o! 

Chan hesitates for a moment. He knows that he should probably get this session started but there is one more very important question he's gotta ask about that birthday party. But he doesn't know how to bring up the topic naturally. So he comes up with a plan that involves strolling over to the shelf to spend a couple of seconds staring at the lemonade bottles before he takes one out for himself.

"Anyone else want a lemonade?", he asks over his shoulder. Actually, he doesn't even really want one himself but it's all part of a big act. It's like what he used to do when he first moved to Seoul and got lost all the time. He'd make a big act out of stopping, staring at his phone and acting all surprised as if he just received a text or checked directions to find out that his phone sent him in the wrong direction. He'd put on this whole one-man show of pretending to check for the right directions and acting as if he was looking at street sings just in case some passing stranger might look in his direction for half a second to find him lost in the big city. And now he's putting on a show again just to ask a question without seeming suspicious. The other boys all answer with no and Chan shrugs – totally not exaggerated and awkward. Then he turns as if to sit down, turns around again pretending that he just thought of something while staring at a box of lemonade – very natural – before he finally asks the goddamn question.

"By the way, are you inviting that lemonade boy? What's his name again?"

_Yeah, real smooth. Act like you don't even care. Pretend you don't even know his name because that's how much you don't actually care about him._

"Minho?", Jisung asks back, sounding more than a bit surprised. "Didn't you just talk to him last night? He told me this morning."

_Oh yeah, really smooth. Good fucking job._

"Uh, yeah, kinda.... we, uh, we met on the beach", Chan stammers while he finally sits down, his unopened lemonade bottle in hand that he now doesn't really know what to do with. He doesn't even have a bottle opener. There is one in the shelf, right next to the lemonade boxes though. But that would mean standing up again to open that bottle and then sitting down. So instead he just places that closed bottle on the table in front of him. He'll deal with this later. Jisung is still eyeing him somewhat sceptically but then he just shrugs it off.

"Yeah, I invited him, he's nice. I really like him."

_Of course you fucking do._

"That's... great", Chan says with a forced smile. Luckily Changbin saves him before the situation can become even more awkward.

"Do I need to remind you again why we are all here?", he asks sounding just a little bit exasperated. And Chan jumps at it right away to change the topic.  _Smooth. Real smooth._

"Sure, does anyone remember where we left off?" Chan's question is followed by a moment of awkward silence. He figured that much. He always begins the sessions by letting them recount what happened last time, he thinks it's an easier way to guide them back into the game than him narrating to them what happened. He wants to get them active. Wants to get them involved. They just kind of suck at it. Changbin is the only one to really properly take notes during sessions. Felix takes notes but they are messy and he spends more time noting down the names of random animals or unimportant side characters that will never make an appearance again than keeping track of the important stuff. Like his own stats for example. Jisung doesn't even take notes because he insists that he can memorise all the important things without writing them down. So basically, he never has any idea what's going on at all. Of course Changbin could just jump in for them since he is the only one to really keep track of all events orderly but he prefers to stay quiet at the beginning and let the others figure it out before they eventually give up and he can show them how it's done properly.

"Uh, we are still on our quest to figure out what's going on in that weird abandoned castle in this crazy forest. We crossed that lake, had a fight with fish people and now we're in the forest looking for directions. Oh, there was this tree guy we were going to ask for help. His name was Quickbeam I think, that's such a weird name", Felix starts reading of his messy notes. Chan encourages him with a few nods here and there every time he glances up like a child looking for approval from his parent. Changbin who is sitting next to Felix seems a little less approving.

"He's not a tree person, he's a treant. And that name is a reference. One that Chan had to come up with on the spot because you keep asking him to name every damn creature we come across", he scolds. But he does it in the fondest way possible. Changbin doesn't really get mad. Especially not at Felix. He has the biggest soft spot for the younger boy and it's almost endearing to watch.

"So, you guys are talking to Quickbeam the treant right now, what do you say to him?", Chan supplies before the conversation can become too off topic again. He's slipping into his DM mode and maybe they can actually get some progress on this campaign. If they don't get sidetracked again. How long have they been on this side quest now? He doesn't even really remember. The weird castle in the forest was actually meant to just be a small stop on their journey but now they're here so Chan is making it work somehow. He's trying to recall what the voice he did for Quickbeam sounded like. He knows that he doesn't have to do voices but he just likes spicing up his storytelling with different voices and stuff like that to make the characters they encounter along the way feel more real. He even has a sound effect app on his phone just to be prepared for anything.

"Shall I compare tree to a summer's day?", Jisung – now sadly very much in character – asks. Chan lets out a deep sigh.

"Just roll a charisma and get over it", he groans. Jisung takes out his dice and rolls a 12. Add his bonus and it becomes very clear that Chan now has to let him flirt with a tree person. This is starting out great.

 

"Okay, I think that's a good place to stop for today", Chan announces, about an hour later. After letting Jisung's bard flirt with Quickbeam for a while the group managed to get some direction to the apparently haunted castle and surprise there is a vampire that they're going to have to fight next time to then hopefully get back on track with their actual adventure. The other three boys complain a little but for the most part, they actually seem to be content with stopping here. Felix's head is pretty much half resting on the table and half on Jisung's elbow at this point and Chan is sure that if they start combat now it's only going to turn into even more of a mess. Also, it's probably going to take another half hour or so at least. And he should really try to get home in time at least once. Because even though his mother never really asks questions when he comes home a little too late for dinner he knows that she is silently worrying about him. Also if Jisung and Felix are celebrating their birthdays this weekend then that means that September is already almost half over. And he has a term paper that he is supposed to hand in by the end of this month. A term paper that he hasn't actually been working on since arriving back home even though he swore that he would finish it here and then hand it in when he's back in Seoul. So maybe he should start getting a little stressed about that. Because if he doesn't he's just going to end up doing it in a sleepless night the day before it's due just like he always does. So yeah, maybe Chan is in a bit of a hurry to get back home and then not get shit done either way.

"Yo, you forgot your lemonade", Jisung says when Chan has already gathered all of his stuff and is about to say his goodbyes. And yes, there is in fact still an unopened lemonade standing on the table. He kind of completely forgot about that one.

"Oh, yeah, guess I'm just going to drink it on my way back." Chan tries hard to sound all casual about it. He picks up the bottle and then awkwardly keeps it in his hand because it's not like he can just stuff it into a pocket or something. Jisung is somewhat staring at him which only makes him feel more awkward about the whole situation.

"So are you ever going to open that? You can also just put it back on the shelf if you're not going to drink it after all."

"No, no, I'm gonna drink it. I already took it out. Guess I just kind of forgot about it", Chan explains quickly. To underline his words he grabs the bottle opened from the shelf, almost drops it and then almost drops the bottle in an attempt to not let it slip through his fingers. He clumsily pops off the lid of the bottle and it drops to the floor. He bends to pick it up, almost spilling some of his lemonade, before he stuffs the lid into his back pocket and gives Jisung a quick smile. "See, ready to drink. Just forgot about it earlier when we were getting into the game."

"Just like you forgot lemonade boy's name?", Felix asks teasingly. He got up to stand next to Jisung and the two of them standing next to each other both with a wide grin on their faces is shockingly close to the wicked demons Chan sees leaning over his bed during sleep paralysis.

"Yeah, I'm just really.... forgetful these days I guess. Got that essay I should be working on and I guess it's kind of stressing me out a little. Uni stuff, you know", he says. They don't know. Because he is the only one in the group to currently attend a university. So this pretty much shuts the conversation down entirely and before anyone else could even try to say anything Chan has slipped out of the room with his opened lemonade bottle in hand.

He takes the first sip of it when he is out of the café. This time he is going to head straight home. Today there will be no beach walks, no throwing rocks at the ocean in the middle of the night, no distractions, no-

"Hey, Chan! Wait a moment", a voice calls from behind him and maybe this is all some kind of big cosmic joke. Maybe the entire universe is just constantly plotting against Chan. For a moment he thinks he could just pretend that he didn't hear anything and continue walking until he's home without ever turning back. But he can already hear the drumming of fast steps on the concrete behind him and he knows that there is no running away from his problems anymore. So he stops and turns around. Minho has apparently really been running to catch up with him. He seems slightly out of breath, his hair slightly sticking up, eyes crinkling into little half moons when he is smiling.

"Oh good, I almost thought you didn't hear me and I'd have to chase you around the block", he says with a laugh. He's still trying to catch his breath a little even now that he has walked up to Chan and stopped right in front of him.

"Sorry, I was just kind of... distracted", he mumbles. It's the second time he's making this apology today and somehow it still seems to be working. At least Minho seems willing to just brush it off.

"You really like that stuff, don't you?", Minho asks, vaguely pointing to the lemonade bottle in Chan's hand. He looks down as if he needs to check what Minho could be referring to. Which maybe makes him look a little bit stupid. Then he shrugs.

"I guess, it's good lemonade. But maybe I actually just like it for nostalgia reasons", Chan replies. He's not quite sure where this conversation is headed but he's also certain that Minho didn't just stop him to ask him about his lemonade preferences. Especially not after the conversation they had last night. To be completely honest Chan was sure that Minho would not talk to him again any time soon. So there's gotta be a reason.

"There was something I wanted to ask you. Like I need your help with something and I don't think there is anyone else I can ask this", Minho says. He's glancing around as if he's trying to check that no one else is listening in on their conversation and even his voice sounds serious and secretive. The sudden tense atmosphere is making tingles run down Chan's spine.

"What is it?", he asks, his voice coming out as a small yelp that he could punch himself in the face for. But Minho doesn't seem to mind.

"So, uh, Jisung invited me to his birthday... well, his and Felix's birthday I guess and I really don't know what to get them. I mean Jisung told me that I don't have to get him anything but I'd feel kind of shitty showing up without a present after he and his family have been so nice to me. But I also don't really have time to shop around for something and I don't even really know what either of them like so I figured I could just ask you for some inspiration."

"Oh", Chan replies rather unhelpfully. Of course this is about Jisung. The universe really wants to punch him in the gut right now. Because it is sending Minho his way only to have him remind him just a few seconds later that there is no way they'll ever be a thing. But Chan can at least try to be a good friend. To be supportive and just let it go. Conceal, don't feel. "Well, I could tell you what I'm getting them, maybe that helps?"

Minho shrugs at the suggestion. "Sure, go ahead. I guess you've known them for a while longer than I have."

"Yeah", Chan nods quickly. "Well, Felix is getting this dice set I found online. It's kind of inspired by this one magical girl anime he likes. I'd say he's generally into cute stuff. You know, anime, girl groups, anything in pastel colours. He's also into superhero movies though. And for Jisung I have another of those Disney character vinyl pop figures for his collection. Meg from Hercules because he insists that she is the most badass of them all. He' generally really into animation movies. Cartoons and stuff. But especially Disney. Oh, and if you were to ask Changbin he'd probably say that Jisung also likes really terrible music. Last year I got him a CD of the Camp Rock soundtrack as a joke gift but I think he actually genuinely liked it. Not sure if that is actually any help though. But I think you can basically get them whatever and they'd probably still be happy with it."

"Hmm", Minho hums while tilting his head to the side. He's biting his bottom lip a little while thinking. He's probably doing it unconsciously without even being aware of the effect it has but Chan notices it all the more. He can't help staring at Minho's lips and wonder where he has gone so wrong to end up here. He usually doesn't fall like that. That hard and that fast. Sure, he's had some superficial crushes before. Lots of them. Sometimes a stranger on the train just has pretty eyes and he falls in love with the idea of them for a moment but that's it. They get up at the next station, leave the train and Chan never thinks about them again. And when Minho first stepped into their basement room he thought that this crush would be like that as well. Because Minho is exactly the type that Chan falls for. The pretty boy that he sees once in his life and then never again. The one he falls for because he has pretty eyes and fluffy hair and a melodic voice. But Minho isn't someone who gets out at the next station and then walks out of Chan's life forever. He's still here. He's around constantly to make Chan fall in love with him more and more. And probably he's not even doing it on purpose. Because the things Chan finds himself falling for are all of Minho's small mannerism. The things he does without even really being aware of it himself. Like the way he bites his lips or plays with his hair. The way he moves as if he is dancing. And Chan has to once again remind himself that Minho probably likes Jisung. And that Jisung probably likes him back. And that there is no room for him in that.

"How about movie tickets then?", Minho asks all of a sudden and Chan needs a moment to realise what he is even talking about.

"Huh?"

"As a birthday present", Minho explains with a chuckle. "I think there is this new action movie thing coming soon, I could just get them a cinema voucher so they can go watch it together. Do you think they'd like that? Is there even a damn movie theatre somewhere close?"

"Hey, this may be a small town but we're not completely cut off from civilisation! I'll let you know that this town even has a decent supermarket. Either way, there is a movie theatre in the next bigger city. It's maybe a ten minute drive from here. Back when I first got my driver's license and my mom started allowing me to use her car we went there a lot. That was like the coolest thing we'd ever get to do back then. I'm pretty sure they would enjoy going there again. That's a really thoughtful gift actually..."  _You're a really thoughtful person_ he almost adds but he managed to keep that comment to himself before he can ramble even more. Why does Minho just need to be so goddamn perfect in every goddamn way? It's really unfair.

"Do they have a website or something where you can buy vouchers and stuff or do I need to find someone to drive me to the next town just to buy a birthday present?"

"They have a website", Chan laughs. He hesitates for a moment. He's still holding a bottle of lemonade in one hand and his hand is beginning to feel really clammy around the glass. As if it's about to slip from his sweaty palm. But he might as well go for it. "I could send you the link if you want... you'd just need to give me your number."

Minho looks a little surprised and Chan is already thinking about what name to pick when he runs away from his old life to hide somewhere in the mountains where no one is ever going to find him again. Then Minho smiles and takes out his phone. He taps around on it a little and then holds it out.

"Here, just type in your number and I'll send you a text so you have mine too", he explains. Chan hesitantly grabs the phone with his free hand and tries to type in his number with his thumb only while he's still holding the glass bottle with the other hand. Minho has already opened the add contact option. He's going to save him as  _Chan-hyung._ Chan mistypes his number several times and has to double check every single digit one by one before he can finally hand Minho back his phone.

"There you go", he says. Minho takes back his phone, takes one quick look at the number and then presses save.

"Do you use kakaotalk?", he asks while already opening the app. Chan doesn't even get time to answer when Minho has already found him. "CB97?"

"Yeah, it's like... my initials and my birth year", he explains. Minho nods without looking up from his phone. He opens the chat window and sends a cat sticker. Chan still has his phone set to silent mode but he could have sworn that he physically felt that vibration in his pocket just now.

"There you go, thanks, Chan-hyung. Like really, thank you for helping me find something they'll like. This whole nerd stuff is kinda like a whole new world to me", Minho says while stuffing his phone back into his pockets. Did... did he just? Before Chan can properly react to that Minho continues talking. "So, I'll see you at that birthday party, I guess. Remember to send me that link, if you forget about it and I show up without a present it's entirely your fault."

"I wouldn't wanna risk that", Chan laughs. Minho does too. Then they both kind of awkwardly stand in front of each other for a moment until Minho gives him another weak smile.

"Well, I'll get going then."

"Yeah, I should probably head home too."

"Sure, I'll see you around."

"Definitely. I'll see you. You'll see me. We'll see each other... yeah."

"Yeah so... bye, Chan-hyung."

"Yeah, bye, Minho."

 Chan watches Minho leave and only once he has turned around the next corner does Chan clumsily pull out his phone with his free hand to check his notifications. He opens the chat notification and goes straight to saving Minho's number in his contacts. He saves him as lemonade boy with a little yellow heart. Five minutes later he takes out his phone again and deletes the heart. Because even though a boy may still be allowed to dream sometimes it's so much safer to just stay on the ground.


	5. I chime in with a 'haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a birthday party is celebrated, Chan makes another very shocking discovery and Changbin takes half an hour to get lemonade.

The coffee shop is decorated in paper garlands and colourful napkins are lying on each table, folded so that they stand up. It looks a little bit like a child's birthday party. But that is probably exactly what Jisung and Felix are going for. It's the exact same set up every year and probably it has already been the exact same the years before the rest of them got to know Jisung and started coming to his birthday parties. The only thing that has really changed is probably the fact that Jisung now has a legitimate excuse to ask his mother for a second cake because he can never choose between chocolate and cheesecake. Now he just claims that one of them is for Felix even though Felix probably doesn't really care for either of those two. It's all a big lie. The cake is a lie. And of course Jisung's mother has probably caught on just like everyone else has but she still bakes two cakes and pretends that one of them is for Felix who she claims is pretty much her second son either way. And maybe it's also because she likes to spoil her actual son a little when she can. And because she's good at baking. After all, the family does run a coffee shop and sells a number of self-made baked goods.

So yeah, there are two cakes on the biggest table in the middle of the room, both of them decorated with colourful candles that are threatening to drip their wax on the cakes any minute now. The room is chanting happy birthday. For the first time. This time they are singing it for Jisung and Felix is clapping along with a beaming smile while loudly singing his heart out for his best friend. His deep voice clearly stands out between all the others. In just about three hours they are going to sing it for a second time but the name they'll sing will be different. Since the two have started celebrating their birthdays together Jisung usually has his party in the evening, they celebrate until about midnight and then go straight to celebrating Felix's birthday. Usually, that just keeps going until everyone is too tired and just goes home. Chan thinks that the longest he's ever been here was until three in the morning or something like that. Luckily he had his keys with him so he didn't have to wake his parents when he got back home. That was the first time the duo celebrated their birthdays like that. Last year he already left around half past one or something. He's not sure how long he'll stay this year but he's not going to go home and work on his essay either way so he might as well stay as long as he can. Jisung even offered that he could sleep over if he wanted to but he turned him down in the end. Because he knows that Felix is most likely staying over as well and he's not sure if he could stand a sleepover with them. Because they just never stop talking and Chan is already not really getting a lot of sleep either way.

They are done singing now and Jisung gets to blow out the candles on both cakes. Because eating cake after midnight would be bad or something so they are starting early with Felix's cake. Somehow he manages to actually blow out all the candles on both cakes at once. The other people in the room begin clapping and cheering and Chan joins in with them while he already tries to weasel his way through to pull Jisung in a hug the first chance he gets. Of course, he already congratulated him. He did that just as the clock struck midnight through a text message and then once more when he first saw him earlier today. But all good things come in threes and there is no stopping Chan from throwing his love at his friends any chance he gets. Felix beats Chan to the first hug, but he has an unfair advantage because he has been standing next to Jisung the entire evening so far and will likely not leave his side. Tonight even more than ever they are almost conjoined by the hips. But at least Chan manages to be second and thus still manages to catch Jisung's attention before his mother can finish cutting up the cakes to distribute the first slices.

"Happy Birthday, how does it feel to be an adult now?", Chan asks while ruffling through Jisung's hair. The younger boy pouts at him but quickly breaks out in a smile.

"Oh come on, this is already the third time you're wishing me a happy birthday today, I think I got the memo by now", he jokingly complains. Chan rolls his eyes and pretends to be offended.

"I am revolted. I'm dedicating myself to being a good friend for you and this is the thanks I get?", he replies in a high pitched voice to make his fake annoyance even more apparent. Felix chuckles and the two high five while Jisung throws his arms up in surrender.

"God, you guys are annoying", he complains but he doesn't mean it even the slightest bit. By now Changbin has snuck up from behind to secure his spot as the third person to hug Jisung – after all it's the one day a year where he shows that he actually doesn't hate Jisung  _that_ much – so maybe they should not be dragging out this conversation much longer. Also, everyone else is probably waiting to be allowed to have their cake (and eat it too). And well, let them have cake.

"So I guess you don't want your present then?", Chan asks and as always Jisung is way too sincere in his reactions. It's way too easy to mess with him.

"Fuck you, you can't take back presents."

Chan is about to tell Jisung that he might not be allowed to take it back but he didn't even give it away yet but then decides against it and just ruffles the younger boys hair once more.

"Cake first. And I think I shouldn't keep hogging you, guess there are some more people that want to congratulate you."

Changbin takes this at his cue to throw an arm around Jisung from behind. Jisung jumps a little and even lets out a high pitched squealing sound that Changbin will probably make fun of later but for the moment they just hug. Chan uses the moment to sneak away again and find someplace to sit down. And maybe someone to talk to in order to pass the time. He knows most of the people that are here. Most of them are kids he used to go to school with. Kids that still go to school with Jisung and Felix. Chan spots one of the guys from their class – Hyunjin, Chan thinks that he is in the same afterschool dance club as Felix or something – in the corner of the room talking to Minho. Chan walks in the exact opposite direction right after spotting them. He knew that Minho would be there, had even mentally prepared himself to strike up a casual conversation but the second he saw him, already surrounded by people talking to him and happily accepting him as the latest addition of Jisung's and Felix's extended circle of friends, Chan decided that he'd much rather spend this party sulking in a corner. Because he is pathetic like that. For some strange reason, he also hasn't really seen Minho around Jisung too much yet. Apart from witnessing Minho wish Jisung a happy birthday when he got there and pushing the envelope with his present into Jisung's hand, telling him to not open it until midnight because it's for both of them he's more or less kept to himself and socialised with the other people here. Chan had kind of figured that the two would be sticking together a lot but oddly they aren't really. Jisung is completely glued to Felix because this is their soulmate night and they are going to let everyone know and Minho is making friendly conversation with everyone coming his way. Maybe Chan should try that as well instead of having his personal pity party.

He looks around the room for some other familiar faces. Some people he wouldn't mind doing some catching up with when he spots two boys at a table and his heart kind of stops for a second. Jeongin and Seungmin were a year under Jisung, Felix and Changbin so Chan didn't really know them all too much. He knows that Jeongin's a band kid though. He played the flute or something. He's pretty sure that it was a woodwind. Braces, kind of nerdy looking, overly cheerful and easily excitable. Jisung was friends with him one way or another. Seungmin made his way into the group a little differently. And if he is here then maybe his brother is too... No, they wouldn't do that without warning him, right? Either way, that is certainly another confrontation Chan isn't really ready for yet. So that makes one more table to avoid. Socialising really isn't his forte.

In the end, Chan hangs up mostly sticking to Jisung's parents for a while. He helps Jisung's mother hand out the cake and later takes the camera from his father so that he can be in a couple of pictures with his son as well. The next few hours pass with cake eating, talking, music playing in the background and weird impromptu party games. Chan gets dragged into a round of Jenga that ends prematurely when Felix knocks over the tower before they even officially started. Felix gets banned from Jenga for the rest of the night and while he acts offended Chan is sure that he might actually be a little relieved. Felix is notoriously bad at literally any game ever. Sometimes the others jokingly suggest that he's only allowed to play with them because they need someone to lose. So Felix is probably more than happy with sitting back and watching someone else lose for a change. Especially when it's Jisung who makes the Jenga tower fall next time.

As midnight draws closer the games also become a lot more... well, maybe wild is the right word for it. Suddenly knocking over the Jenga tower comes together with a punishment. Of course, no one would dare to force anyone to do anything too crazy... yet. At least not while Jisun's parents are still being witnesses to the mess that is unfolding in their coffee shop. But kisses on the cheek have happened already and it's usually downhill from there. Usually, Jisung's parents go to bed after midnight and just remind everyone to not be too loud and be careful not to break anything. And as long as they don't hear any of their precious mugs breaking they normally don't come downstairs again. So that is usually when things start to really get out of hand. Well, even more out of hand than they already are. Somehow Chan gets swept up in a game of truth or dare together with Jisung and a couple of other guys he only knows the names of. At first, he tries to protest but upon noticing that the alternative might have been getting into a game of Twister together with Minho – who is so flexible that it's almost rude – he thinks that he might have dodged a bullet there. There is no way he could have gone through that without making a total fool of himself. But at the same time, he also can't deny the burning feeling of jealousy as he watches one of the girls giggle while she places her foot somewhere in between Minho's legs which leads to them becoming a little more entangled with each other than would have been necessary.

Shortly before midnight Jisung and Felix disappear. There is nothing really strange about that, they do that every year actually. Jisung insists on being the first person to wish Felix a happy birthday. And the easiest way to ensure that is by hiding somewhere with Felix so that no one can even have a chance to get to Felix first. And Felix always happily plays along because usually them sneaking away not only means that Jisung wishes him a happy birthday before anyone else can but also that they are up to some sort of mischief. Last year they snuck out on the street to light a small firework around midnight. But somehow they managed to tip over the bottle they had placed their little rocket in. So instead of shooting up into the sky and exploding into red sparkles there, the rocket went flying down the street, just barely missing a few parked cars and finally exploding somewhere further down the road and almost setting a tree on fire. Luckily no real damage was done but it probably still goes without saying that Jisung and Felix have a lifelong ban from using fireworks without adult supervision. And Chan is pretty sure that this ban is still in place even though both of them are technically considered adults now. Because no matter the age Felix and Jisung remain a safety hazard to themselves and everyone around them.

Either way, they are probably hiding somewhere to have their small private birthday party for a couple of minutes before they get back and give everyone else the chance to wish Felix a happy birthday as well. And just like last year and the year before that Chan is determined to find them. Because when he can't be first he at least insists on being the second to congratulate Felix. Normally he'd ask Changbin if he's seen them sneak out because Changbin is good at keeping an eye on everything that is happening around him without ever really engaging with anything or anyone himself. But strangely he can't spot Changbin either. It doesn't really worry him though. Changbin isn't necessarily a friend of parties and if he doesn't want to be seen he'll blend in with the background naturally. He hides in a cardboard box and no one suspects a thing. That's how he avoids being dragged into stupid games. So it looks like Chan is alone on his quest to finding his friends and wishing Felix a happy birthday. With his present stuffed into the pocket of his hoodie, he sets out to look around the room. His first instinct is to check outside or in the basement but neither seem like an actual option. So, after a bit of thinking, Chan makes his way to the back area of the coffee shop instead. Jisung's family lives right above their shop in a cosy little apartment. A wooden flight of stairs lead up and Chan finds the door unlocked. The light is turned on in the hallway upstairs and he thinks he can hear the faint whispering of voices from somewhere. Jackpot.

It's almost midnight so Chan hurries up the stairs. By now he exactly knows which ones to avoid stepping on if he doesn't want to give himself away. The closer he gets to Jisung's room the more certain he becomes that he is on the right track. The noises of what he assumes to be the two whispering to each other become clearer the closer Chan gets to the door. He can't really make out any words or anything like that but it sounds like soft whispering or murmuring to him. There is a sign at Jisung's door reminding everyone to knock before stepping in.  _You should be the one who knocks._ Chan is going to ignore this one. He watches the seconds tick by on the timer her has set on his phone and in his mind, he is doing the countdown to midnight. The moment he reaches zero he bursts through the door, ready to shout  _happy birthday_ at the top of his lungs but the words get stuck in his throat once he realises what he just walked in on.

Jisung has one hand in the other boy's hair, pulling him even closer towards him as if he never wants to let go of him again. Their lips are pressed together in a way that looks almost desperate from an outsider's perspective. As if they have been waiting way too long to be together like this. Jisung's fingers are tangled in the boy's hair to pull him in and he seems all too eager to in turn throw himself into Jisung's arms even more. He's almost crawled into his lap already. Small hands cup Jisung's face and if it weren't for Chan suddenly barging into the room like that they would have probably stayed in this position for as long as they can. Chan is completely frozen in the doorway but the two boys on the bed move almost instantly. They immediately bring more distance between them, guilt on both of their faces. But Chan doesn't miss the way Jisung still has his other hand on Felix's thigh. The way both of their lips looks slightly more red and swollen. The tiny red mark just above the collar of Jisung's shirt.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you", Chan squeaks. He forces the words out so fast that it almost sounds like one way too long word. Before any of the two boys can even reply anything to that he has already turned on his heel to bolt down the stairs. And then another flight of stairs right after that because there is only one hiding place he can think of right now. The basement.

 

"For fuck's sake, you scared the living shit out of me!"

For the second time in the span of probably not even a minute Chan has walked in on an unsuspecting person and startled them out of what they were doing. Changbin has dropped the book he was reading onto the floor and is now picking it up while still cursing Chan out under his breath for scaring him like that. And once again Chan is more or less frozen. Changbin looks up at him again once he has checked up on his book to make sure that no pages got any tears or anything like that. He stops mid-movement to kind of really notice Chan for the first time and then raises his eyebrows at him.

"Are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost or something. Did Jisung and Felix actually manage to set something on fire this year?"

"No, that's not... I think I just saw them...  _kiss_ ", Chan finally manages to stammer out. The last word comes out high pitched as if he's either asking a question or having a mild mental breakdown. Maybe it's a mixture of both. He slowly closes the door behind him and falls onto the closest chair. Changbin sits down next to him, still looking a little confused but at least he puts his book down on the table.

"Who?", he just asks. And Chan doesn't even know how to begin explaining what he just walked in on. It already feels like he just made the whole thing up. Because there is no way this just happened. There is no way he had no idea about this.

"Jisung and Felix", Chan chokes out finally. If Changbin is just as surprised about this as he is then he is not really letting it show on his face. He just sits there silently and waits for Chan to continue explaining what happened. "I- I went looking for them because I wanted to wish Felix a happy birthday and I thought I heard them talking in Jisung's room so I decided to just walk in and- they were sitting on his bed and... I don't even know. I was just so overwhelmed that I literally ran and I guess I'm hiding here for now."

"Oh, is it past midnight already?", Changbin asks. As if that was the only take away from that. He does not seem shocked at all. Not even the slightest bit surprised. As if this isn't news to him at all. And that second it dawns on Chan that maybe it really isn't. That maybe he was just the only one to now know about this. Because if Changbin didn't know there is no way he could be that calm, right? Because this is so crazy. Not that Chan is in any way against his friends... dating? If that is even what they are doing. But it's just so weird that they wouldn't tell him about this, right. Because that's what friends are for after all. Chan always thought of their group as a no secrets kind of friendship. A  _we tell each other everything_ type of group. Well, maybe not  _everything_ everything. But something like that for sure, right?! There is no reason they would feel the need to hide it from him, is there?

"How are you not surprised by this at all? Don't tell me you already knew about this?" The question comes out sounding a lot more accusing then Chan had intended it to and he feels the need to back paddle and apologise instantly but Changbin just huffs out something that is half laughter half annoyed tongue clicking.

"Well, I guess technically I know as much as you do. But I kind of had a feeling about them, you know?" Even though the question is most likely rhetorical in nature Changbin still takes a small break to look at Chan who nods his head on instinct. Even though he clearly doesn't know. But Changbin seems satisfied with that and continues. "I mean they have always been really annoying together. But I think it got even worse after you left. I mean not that their weird pining or whatever wasn't already annoying before that. I think they've probably liked each other for ages without ever actually realising. It was almost painful to watch. You know like one of those tv dramas where everything would literally be solved in one episode if people just talked to each other. I'm sure you didn't really notice either, you've always been terrible at figuring out feelings. I'm sure you also never noticed that Felix used to have a crush on you."

"Wait,  _what_?", Chan blurts out. Felix? Liked him? What? When? Changbin is messing with him, right? The other boy begins to laugh, even slaps his own knee a couple of times before he looks up at Chan again while wiping a fake tear from his eyes.

"The look on your face, oh my God. You're like three years too late to freak out about this now. I don't think it was ever that serious and it only lasted for like a whole week or so. Just a stupid school crush. When we all first met he used to gush to me about how cool you are and how nice it is to have someone to talk to in English and whatnot. But that was years ago and it pretty much stopped the second he met Jisung. It's not like he is still carrying a torch for you. But yeah, I've seen Felix give you the heart-eyes before, I know that look on him. And he's been looking at Jisung the exact same way since forever."

Chan takes a moment to take in all of that new information. He had no idea about any of this and maybe he feels a little bad about it. For a second he wonders how things would be now if he had known about that  _stupid school crush_ but he quickly shakes off the thought. It doesn't matter anymore. What matters now is that apparently he completely missed two of his best friends crushing on each other right in front of his eyes. He always knew that Jisung and Felix were close. Clingy even. And they had their whole soulmate thing going on but somehow Chan always just classified the whole thing as purely platonic. A no homo friendship. But it kind of makes sense now the longer he's thinking about it.

"I actually always thought you kind of had a thing for Felix", Chan admits. Changbin lets out a dry chuckle.

"Damn, you really suck at this whole reading people and feelings thing, huh?", he comments with a smirk, but then his facial expression suddenly switches to serious. "I do love him though. Just as I love Jisung and you. You know, just as friends. That's enough for me. As long as I have you guys that's maybe the only love I'll ever need."

There is a lot to unpack here but Chan isn't sure if this is the time and place for it. Or whether Changbin even wants to further elaborate on this. A statement like this from his is already more vulnerability than he usually likes showing. And even on the rare occasion where he speaks sincerely like that he usually brushes it off the next moment. Because sincerity is scary. So maybe it's better to not force that conversation now but Chan makes a mental note to maybe ask just how exactly that statement is meant the next time he gets a chance to talk to Changbin when they are not hiding in the basement while two of their best friends are celebrating their birthdays. Maybe they are looking for them already. They can't hide here forever. So, in the end, Chan only resorts to patting Changbin on the shoulder awkwardly.

"You'll always have us", is all he says. But maybe it's enough. Changbin gives him a small thankful smile. The kind of smile that makes him look so much younger and rounds the edges of his angled face. There is a bit of an awkward pause after that until Chan clears his throat and decides to change the topic before the silence can get uncomfortable.

"Why are you even down here? What are you hiding from?"

Changbin shrugs. The casual  _I'm a cool boy and nothing can touch me_ kind of shrug he always does. He has perfected the unbothered bad boy look even though that might be unintentional.

"Got tired of socialising. I told someone I'm getting some lemonade and that I'd be back in a few minutes. I think that was like half an hour or so ago. I don't think anyone has really noticed that I'm gone though. Totally not complaining about that or anything. I'd rather rot down here than be forced to play truth or dare with some of these people up there."

Chan can't control the small burst of laughter. Changbin says it so dryly that he could almost mean it. And maybe he does. A little bit at least. But for the most part, he is probably just being sarcastic and socially awkward.

"We should probably go back there soon though. You know, because it's Felix's birthday now", Chan muses. This whole evening he has pretty much done nothing but avoiding confrontations. He's avoided Minho like the plague, avoided talking to some of the other people he knows one way or another because he was scared  _something_ might be brought up that he doesn't really want to talk about. And now he's even avoiding Jisung and Felix. This is really getting ridiculous. This is not really how he thought the night would be. He was prepared for awkward. He had prepared for that since his conversation with Minho a couple of days ago but he didn't really prepare for this level of awkward. The moment he thinks about Minho a bell rings in the back of his mind as if there is something really important he is missing but he pushes the thought aside for now. There are more important things right now than his stupid one-sided crush.

"You should probably talk to them", Changbin says very matter-of-factly. Chan knows that he is right but he still slightly winces at the thought. This is going to make things weird. But then again, maybe it actually won't be. It can only be awkward if they make it awkward. And in the end, it's not like Chan is in any way against that relationship or whatever it is. As long as they're happy he's happy for them. And maybe there are reasons they didn't tell him about it. And maybe it's also his fault for not noticing anything at all. Chan gets up with a loud sigh.

 "Well, then let's go before anyone comes looking for us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *tags this story as side jilix*  
> also me five chapters into the story: omg jilix are boyfriends who would have thunk?!
> 
> (also I somehow managed to forget completely that they are literally that young so while writing this I was like haha, look at these children, it's their 18th birthday, they are still going to school lol, they are so young and then I realised... they literally are 18 and now I'm having an identity crisis)


	6. "I have connected the dots." "You didn't connect shit." "I have connected them."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some important conversations happen, Chan finally connects the dots and Felix is bad at keeping secrets.

Chan doesn't really have to look around for Felix and Jisung. When Changbin and he make their way back into the main room of the coffee shop the duo stand right in the middle of it. Jisung is the first one to spot them. He tugs on Felix's sleeve and wildly gestures into their direction. Chan raises a hand and waves at them awkwardly. Changbin gives him a short pat on the back.

"Good luck with that, buddy", he mutters, before he is suddenly gone. Disappeared somewhere in the crowd. Chan turns his head to follow him with his eyes but it's as if Changbin made himself invisible. When Chan looks back at Jisung and Felix the two seem to be silently arguing. Jisung is wildly gesturing around while Felix's eyes go back and forth between following Jisung's movements and glancing over in Chan's direction. Even though his exact expression is hard to make out from the distance he looks stressed. Almost anxious. Chan finally takes a deep breath in and begins walking towards them the same second Jisung gives Felix an encouraging shove in his direction. Because apparently the two came to the conclusion that it's easier to let Felix handle that one. Maybe it really is. Chan would have felt awkward talking to both of them and if he had to pick one he probably would have chosen Felix as well. They meet halfway and awkwardly stop in front of each other. Felix opens his mouth as if he is about to say something but then just closes it again. So Chan does the first thing he can think of. He opens his arms and pulls Felix in for a hug.

" _Happy Birthday, Lix",_  he whispers. He can feel the younger boy tense up for a moment but then he hugs back tightly. Almost a little too tight as if he wants to squeeze all air out of Chan's lungs. And despite the situation, Chan can't help but laugh a little at how Felix clings to him like a koala and how small the boy feels in his arms. And maybe he's also laughing a little bit because he's relieved. Because he's suddenly confident that everything will be alright.

"Maybe we should go outside to talk", Chan suggests when he lets go of Felix again. The boy hesitates for another moment. He's looking back over his shoulder and Chan can tell that he is probably looking for Jisung. But then he turns around again to look Chan straight in the eyes and nods.

 

They sit down on the sidewalk in front of the coffee shop. It's a little cold outside. Not really freezing cold but a little chilly and when the wind blows it kind of makes you shiver for a moment. Chan buries his hands in the pocket of his hoodie and his fingers brush the little package he put in there earlier. He takes it out hesitantly and hands it to Felix who is nervously fiddling next to him.

"Here, hope you like it", he mutters. Felix looks at the small item that is covered in colourful wrapping paper and way too much clear tape with a confused look on his face. For a second he seems to have no idea of what to do with it. As if he forgot his own birthday over everything else that is happening. But then he takes it. They both sit in silence as Felix tries his best to tear open the paper without damaging what's inside. It's a set of seven dice and one coin, a moon on one and a sun on the other side. All stored in a somewhat opaque blue sachet with golden glitter weaved into it. Felix pulls it open carefully to let the dice fall into his hand. He looks at them for a moment and Chan watches how his eyes sparkle in amazement while his lips twitch into a small smile. Maybe even unconsciously.

"I love them", Felix says finally before he puts the dice back into their sachet and stuffs it into his own pocket carefully as if he's handling something incredibly precious. "Thank you."

Chan smiles back at Felix and gives his hair a friendly ruffle. But he quickly pulls his hand back when the gesture conjures up the image of how just a moment ago another hand was entangled with Felix's hair. They both fall silent again. Chan is not sure if he should wait for Felix to start talking on his own or if he should start by asking a question himself. And Felix remains completely quiet while he plays around with the zipper of his jacket. Chan waits for another long moment because maybe Felix just needs some time to gather his thoughts and think about how he wants to approach this whole topic. But when he continues to stay quiet and the silence just becomes too much to bare Chan takes in a deep breath and prepares for the worst.

"So are you and Jisung... dating?", he asks carefully. Felix flinches a little as if he didn't expect the question but honestly, what else were they going to talk about? How nice the weather is? The meaning of life maybe? (The answer is 42, duh). But eventually Felix just shrugs his shoulders.

"I guess", he mutters. Felix wraps his arms around his knees and it makes him look even smaller. Chan is about to ask what exactly he means by that because  _you guess? Don't people usually know when they are dating?!_ but this time Felix continues talking on his own.

"It's been kind of complicated", he explains without really looking up. He's staring somewhere in the distance and Chan decides to let him. "I've liked Jisung for a while now and I guess he also liked me back but I've never been sure about what our relationship exactly was and we were never really official or anything. And I guess I'm also not really... out and everything, you know."

Felix makes a small pause and pulls his knees even tighter to his chest. Chan carefully reaches out a hand and awkwardly places it on Felix's shoulder hoping that it will provide any comfort at all. Felix shoots him a small thankful smile. Chan clearly remembers the time when coming out kind of became an issue for all of them. At the beginning of his third year – so the second for the other guys – Han Jisung had figured himself out and was determined to let the world know that he was a bisexual. Or at least he was going to make sure that everyone in their group got the memo. He even called in an "emergency meeting" and everything to ramble on and on about this whole terrible sports analogy about cheering for both teams and finding the cheerleaders just as hot as the players or something like that. Changbin interrupted him halfway through with the words  _Jisung, I literally don't care that you are bisexual but please just stop talking._ Chan had worded it a little nicer, saying that he was proud of Jisung for being honest with them and that he would accept him no matter what. And Felix had shyly added that he wasn't really sure what he was but that maybe he liked boys as well. Yeah, maybe he really could have figured this out earlier. Anyways, even though Chan had not decided to come out as well that day – or actually ever at all – he had secretly felt relieved. He had known that he was into boys since basically forever and he always felt kind of alone with it. It's already hard enough to really find some other LGBT people here, even now that he lives in a big city it still feels like such an underground scene. So in the rural areas, you are basically better off staying invisible. But somehow Chan has managed to find a queer friend group without even really looking for it. And yet he has never bothered with coming out. But he has dropped some – actually not so – subtle hints about it. And he more or less dated a boy once. But that's a whole different story and has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

"Either way, I guess he kind of asked me out on a date earlier, like officially, as his boyfriend and everything, we're going to watch a movie together... And I'm really sorry I never told you about any of this but I just didn't know how to talk about this. I didn't mean to hide it. We didn't mean to keep this a secret or anything", Felix mumbles. He's finally looking up again and at that very moment, Chan decides that he is absolutely okay with them dating. Sure, he was surprised for a moment but he'd rather see the two happy together instead of having Felix apologise for something that he shouldn't ever feel the need to apologise for.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for", Chan sighs. He really regrets that he walked in on them like that, but at the same time, he is kind of glad they are having this conversation. He really wishes he could have been there to support them more. Wishes he had noticed something. But he was gone and too busy with his own newfound problems as a struggling university student. But maybe he can at least be a supportive friend now. "I'm really sorry too. For barging in on you guys like that. And for running away. I just kind of didn't know how to react so I picked the worst possible option and hid in the basement."

Felix actually laughs a little at Chan's words and maybe Chan has never been more relieved to hear another person laugh. Suddenly all the tension just evaporates. They'll be alright.

"You know, I ran into Changbin after running away and when I told him he wasn't surprised at all. Like he already had you all figured out and he made me feel really stupid about it. For some time I even thought that Jisung-" Chan interrupts himself because the moment he's about to say it the puzzle pieces finally fit together. He has something like a eureka moment that very second. If his life were a cartoon that would be the moment where a tiny light bulb showed up over his head. He has figured it out, solved the equation, connected the dots. He has managed to put one and one together and the realisation hits him so hard that he just has to yell it out.

"Wait, so if Jisung is dating you that means he's not interested in Minho?!"

"Why would he- OH MY GOD WAIT!" Chan knows that he has made a mistake the moment he watches Felix's expression shift from confusion to a knowing smirk. Felix has connected the dots as well. Chan has fucked up. Mark those down as his last words because this is it. He faking his own death and moving to the top of a lonely mountain.

"Whatever you're thinking I swear that you've got it wrong", Chan says with both hands raised. He's trying to damage control even though he knows that it is way too late.

"Well, I don't know what you think that I am thinking. But I think that you are totally into Minho. That's why you asked if he would be here, I knew something was up when you started acting like you didn't know his name. Oh my God, I can't wait to tell Jisung about this. I can't believe you thought that he was into Minho."

"Don't you dare", Chan warns but he knows that there is no stopping Felix now. Because if Felix knows something Jisung has to know it as well. And if Jisung knows it pretty much everyone else is sure to find out eventually because the boy sucks at keeping secrets.

"Try me, bitch", Felix announces before he jumps up and runs. Chan chases after him but he doesn't manage to catch the younger boy. Instead, he pretty much collides with someone else the second he walks back into the coffee shop. He looks up to apologise to the person and freezes in place once again. This is really starting to become a theme. Also, the universe hates him, but what else is new?

Minho seems just as surprised as Chan but he bounces back quicker.

"Oh, hi, fancy meeting you here", he chuckles. He looks absolutely stunning. Someone put a small disco ball on the ceiling that is filling the room with dancing spots of colourful lights. There is a whole kaleidoscope reflecting in Minho's eyes.  _Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, a boy with kaleidoscope eyes._

"Hi", Chan mumbles in sort of a half daze. "Have you seen Felix?"

"Just ran past me and jumped straight into Jisung's arms", Minho explains while gesturing vaguely at a point somewhere behind him. Chan looks in the direction Minho is pointing at and he spots Felix and Jisung with their heads together talking excitedly. When they spot him with Minho they even point their fingers for a moment before they talk even more animatedly than before. Chan is never going to hear the end of this. He turns back to Minho with a sigh.

"These two are going to be the death of me", he mumbles. Minho chuckles a little.

"Yeah, I guess they make quite the annoying couple. Especially now that they really are one", Minho comments. Chan glances over at his friends again and spots them talking to some people on the other side of the room. Jisung with one arm possessively wrapped around Felix.

"Wait, you knew about them?", Chan asks once Minho's words have really fully sunk in. How come literally everyone but him knew about this? Changbin was one thing. But Minho is an entirely different story. Chan really is completely out of the loop.

"I guess", Minho replies with a small shrug. "I actually just found out about it. Jisung told me. When he thanked me for the cinema voucher I got them. Apparently, he used that to finally ask Felix out officially. I told him that they actually got you to thank for that because you gave me the idea. Wait... did you not know about them?"

"I also just found out... recently", Chan admits hesitantly. He doesn't really want to spend the rest of the night thinking about how terrible he is at figuring things out. Especially not when Minho did more to help his friends figure out their relationship than he did. Because that makes Minho look like even more of a perfect person in Chan's eyes. And maybe he'll have to say the damn l-word. He's in love. There is absolutely no denying this anymore. He's not just crushing or infatuated or over-obsessing about a stranger he'll never meet again. He is a fool in love. And how could he not be? With Minho right there in front of him and looking absolutely stunning under these stupid disco lights. And he's single. Or at least he's not into Jisung. But there could still be a million different reasons why that still means that he wouldn't want Chan either way. Maybe he has someone else he likes. Maybe he is not interested in a relationship right now. Maybe he doesn't even like boys at all. Luckily someone interrupts them before Chan's thoughts can spiral even further down that rabbit hole.

"Hey, could you two make yourself useful and help move the tables aside?", someone whose name Chan can't get himself to remember right now asks them. And before they could even have a chance to reply the boy has already moved on to talk to someone else. Probably the ask them the same question. Minho is looking at Chan with surprise painted onto his face.

"What does he mean?", he asks. Chan sighs. For a moment he thought that maybe he could escape this whole thing this year. But of course not.

"We're moving the tables aside to have something like a free space in the middle of the room to create a  _dancefloor_." Chan draws air quotations around the last word. Even with all the tables being pushed to the side it doesn't really create that much of a free space. And even then people rarely use it to actually dance. They have to keep the music somewhat down after all and it's not like most people here are really motivated to dance. So usually the whole scenario kind of plays out like an awkward school prom. With almost everyone standing to the side and making awkward conversation while a handful of idiots that couldn't care less what anyone else thinks are dancing by themselves. Usually, those idiots are Felix and Jisung and the few poor souls that they manage to drag onto their makeshift dancefloor with them. Chan usually ends up being one of them. He's not really looking forward to it but Minho looks absolutely thrilled at the idea of dancing.

"We should better get to work then", he decides. And how could Chan say no to this? So the two go and grab the nearest table that is small enough for them to carry it like that. Because they'll have to lift it up and carry it through the room. If they just push it they might leave some scratches on the floor. Also, the tables, as well as the chairs, make awfully loud squeaking sounds when they are being pushed around and if Jisung's parents hear the commotion down here they might get alarmed. And Chan is not sure how okay they actually are with their coffee shop being transformed into a dancefloor. Maybe it's better not to ask.

Chan is walking backwards with his eyes on the table because he doesn't really dare to look up and straight into Minho's eyes. Minho is guiding him so that Chan doesn't trip or run someone over because he can't see while he is holding up the table on the other side. They walk until Chan is with his back to the wall and then they put the table down again. It's standing between them now and Chan no longer has an excuse to look down. When he glances up finally he finds Minho still looking at him. And maybe it's because of all of the damn lights or the fact that Chan's head is already spinning either way with everything that has been happening in the past few hours but Minho has this look on his face that Chan can't quite read. He can't read him at all. There is a small hint of a smile on Minho's face and Chan has no idea what it means. So he does what he's best at. He panics. 

Chan awkwardly squiggles out of the space between the table and the wall that he's trapped in and looks for something else to do. Someone who he can help carry another table. But the others have been fast at work and the space is almost completely cleared up already. Chan manages to get his hand on a chair that someone else was probably going to pick up already but grabbing it gives him an excuse to walk further away from Minho to put it together with the other chairs. They are stackable so they are all gathered in a corner stacked up into small towers. Last year someone tried to climb one of them and sit on a stack of five chairs. Of course, that was an utterly stupid idea but at least no chairs or bones were broken that night. But there now is a strict no climbing policy. Sometimes Chan wonders how many weird rules have been put in place because of people he knows or things he's witnessed. The list probably goes on and he's sure that Jisung and Felix are to blame for at least half of them. They just do whatever seems fun to them at that moment and then shrug it off with a  _mischief managed_  once they are done. And Chan and Changbin just always get wrapped up in it. And maybe they actually don't really hate it that much.

Chan glances around the room carefully because now that he no longer has a chair in his hand to make himself seem busy he doesn't really have an excuse for standing around in the corner anymore. So it's only a question of when until Jisung and Felix drag him onto the dancefloor with them. But at the moment the two are too occupied with each other. Some idiot put Never Gonna Give You Up on and while Chan can't believe that he is being rickrolled in this day and age the two are wiggling around their arms and being silly together as if no one is watching. A few others have joined them because maybe everyone is slowly getting too old to worry about being uncool and just decided to have fun no matter how stupid they look. And maybe Chan should just get over himself and allow himself to embrace his uncoolness. But then he spots Minho still standing in the corner where he left him. And something about that scene is just utterly wrong. No one puts Minho in a corner. So Chan takes a deep breath and decides that if he is going to make a fool out of himself either way he might as well do it right.

"Hey, you wanna dance?", Chan asks once he is close enough to be heard by Minho. The boy looks up in surprise and the second their eyes meet the song switches to something a lot slower. Because the universe still very much hates Chan apparently. But now he's already asked and he can't just take it back so he's standing there with one hand awkwardly half held out. The lights are dimmed and only the stupid dancing colours of that cheap disco ball remain and Minho looks stunning. His plush lips slightly parted into a surprised smile and all the lights reflecting in his sparkling eyes. And maybe he's not interested in Chan at all. Maybe he has someone he likes. Maybe he doesn't even like boys at all. But he grabs Chan's hand with a wide smile while he says  _sure_ and then drags Chan towards the centre of the room.

And maybe he has a chance.

 

Chan stays until it's time to clean the place up again and put the tables back where they belong. So basically he stays until around three in the morning. Luckily he has his keys with him, he really wouldn't want to wake his parents at this ungodly time. But somehow he is not tired at all. He did dance with Minho for a bit. Well, if his awkward stiff sidesteps can be considered dancing at all. Minho did dance though. And he's good at it. Too good. Good enough to send Chan straight into another crisis. But their awkward dancing didn't last too long. Which Chan is both grateful for and moping over. Because the music switched to something more upbeat soon after they started dancing and that dragged a few more people onto the dancefloor. And somehow the whole thing turned into a circle of idiots doing Fortnite dances. So eventually Chan stepped off again and rather joined Changbin sitting in a corner and collecting blackmail material on people. Because even if they don't care about looking stupid right now they'll care again eventually. And maybe Changbin just likes collecting embarrassing pictures and videos of people to make sure he has something to threaten them with in case anyone ever brings up his emo phase again. It's been over a year and it's time to move on from that, thank you very much.

Chan is wiping down a table at the moment. The coffee shop is almost completely restored again and there are almost no real traces of the party left except for the few slices of leftover cake and the remaining paper garlands that are still stuck to the wall. Most people have left by now and right now it's just him, Changbin, Jisung and Felix left. Oh, and Minho. Chan has more or less gone back to avoiding Minho now that the party's over. Instead, he hung out with Changbin for most of the time to make sure the boy didn't spend the whole night alone. Even though Chan is pretty sure that Changbin wouldn't have minded that at all and that he is just using him as an excuse. He also did talk to Jisung and Felix again though. Apologised for barging in on them once more. They are already at the point where they are making fun of it. So Chan is pretty sure that they are not actually mad or anything. He's also sure that he will never hear the end of that.  _Remember when you pretty much walked in on our first kiss?_ They'll tell that story for years to come. Chan looks up and makes eye contact with Minho across the room accidentally because the boy just so happened to look into his direction at the same time. Yet another story that Chan will never hear the end of. Especially not now that Felix and Jisung know about his stupid crush. He is sure that they are already plotting something and it will be horrible. To make things worse, Minho starts walking towards him and Chan does his best to act as if he is super busy with wiping this already clean table even more.

"Hey, I was about to go home, what about you?", Minho asks. Apparently, he has stopped right in front of Chan but there is no way he would know because he still refuses to look up. Instead, he glances around the room to look for an excuse to not walk home with Minho. But Changbin has already disappeared and Felix and Jisung look like they are about to make out right on top of that table they were supposed to put back where it belongs. Chan finally looks up with a sigh.

"Yeah, I guess we better leave those two alone."

 

"That was surprisingly nice", Minho says after they have been silently walking next to each other for a moment. For half a second Chan is not sure what Minho is talking about and maybe he must have looked a little confused because Minho goes on to elaborate on his point while gesturing around wildly. Chan has never really seen him speak with his hands like that before. Usually, Minho's movements always seem elegant and precise but right now everything about him is a little more lose. He's moving more freely, there is a bit more of a swing to his steps, he's talking more and with more excitement and his hands are gesturing around wildly. Maybe he's just tired and doesn't care about appearing all in control anymore. It's endearing.

"You know like all the parties in the city that I went to always end up with everyone getting shitface drunk and stuff like that and it's all wild and crazy and random people making out with each other and all that", Minho explains. Chan nods slowly. He's been to his handful of dorm parties since he got into university. He's not really used to the fast-paced way people in the city have fun yet. It's louder, more, faster, harder. Everything at once. You're being spun around until you're dizzy and stumble into the arms of a stranger who is happy to hold you for the moment. Chan doesn't really like it but maybe he's starting to get used to it.

"Yeah, Jisung's parents have a strict no alcohol policy. But it's not like people here don't get drunk and stuff, trust me if you want to you can find just as many idiots here. Usually, they're hanging out on the beach on warm summer nights." Chan is not sure why he's adding that last bit as if he has to defend himself. As if he has to act all cool and tough in front of Minho who just chuckles at his remark.

"Don't worry, I wasn't complaining. I really liked it. It's a nice change of pace. Everything is kind of... calmer over here. It's nice. I don't miss the city at all."

"Are you going to go back? To study and all that?"

Minho shrugs and Chan thinks that that pretty much ends that conversation because they are almost at the point where they'll have to part ways either way. But then Minho suddenly stops and gives him this oddly serious look.

"I really don't know what to do, if I'm being honest. Actually, I more or less had a guaranteed spot at the Dance Academy in Seoul, but now I'm not sure if I should take it anymore. Maybe I should try to find something in Busan or somewhere else that is closer to here. Seoul is so far away now. And I'm not sure if I want to go back there alone. I mean my father kind of offered me that I could live with him again while I'm there to study but I... I just don't know about that right now."

Chan is not sure what to reply to that. Especially after how he fucked up the last time Minho decided to reveal something personal to him. So he just opts for some empty phrase. Some words that are meant to be encouraging but actually don't really mean much at all.

"You still have some time to figure it out, right?. I mean the next semester is starting soon, but maybe you could just sit one out. Take some time to yourself until you have it figured out. There is no shame in taking things slow."

"I guess you're right... But hey, at least I'd still have you with me in Seoul if I decide to go back, right?"

The last part catches Chan a little off-guard. Minho's smile is disarming. So he can only smile back awkwardly and mumble a soft  _of course_ back at him.

 They are standing at a crossroad and they'll have to part ways soon but for a moment they are just standing there and allowing themselves to waste more time talking to each other. Because it's already the middle of the night either way and they have nowhere else to be in this whole world right now. And Minho is smiling at Chan in a way that he still can't quite read and he doesn't understand it at all. But maybe there is a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also hey, I just posted a smol Jilix moodboard for this story on my twitter and insta, so maybe check it out


	7. I won't say I'm in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jisung and Felix plot a very important mission, Changbin is done with everyone's shit and Minho gets a beginners guide to DnD

"Okay, okay, everyone, calm down", Jisung says even though he is clearly the only one in their small round that is currently not calm. Changbin has his head on the table and looks like he has pretty much given up on life at this point. The poor boy just wants to play some damn Dungeons and Dragons but in the end, he always ends up getting dragged into relationship drama he doesn't care about. Felix is sitting on the table with his legs bouncing back and forth and his eyes completely focused on Jisung who is standing between Chan and the table. Chan has the door to his back and every fibre of his being is screaming at him to just turn around and leave again. That would probably the better option considering what's about to come. Because Chan has a pretty clear idea of what Jisung wants to talk about. He has that serious expression on his face and the _this is an emergency meeting_ tone of voice. And Chan hates it but that won't stop Jisung from talking now that he has everyone's attention.

"Thanks to my very reliable sources", he stops a second to look over his shoulders and smile at Felix who is smiling right back at him, Changbin acts as if he is shoving a finger down his throat and makes some exaggerated gagging sounds "I have come to know that Chan here" he takes yet another theatrical break to dramatically point at Chan but the audience doesn't really seem impressed by that "likes Minho."

There is no loud gasping, no shocked screams or anything like that even though with all the drama he is creating Jisung seems to be expecting the same level of enthusiasm from his audience. But they stay quiet for the most part. The only sound coming from Changbin is his hand hitting his forehead and Felix makes no sound at all, he just sits on the table looking at Jisung with starry eyes and seemingly zoning out a little. Chan sighs, he knew they would be annoying but he really didn't think he'd be assaulted like that before he even got a chance to sit down. He came to have a good time and he's honestly just feeling so attacked right now.

"Are you done now?", he asks Jisung a little snappier than he intended to but who cares, Jisung probably deserves all of it and more. He crosses his arms on his chest and pouts dramatically.

"Actually I'm not, you're not getting out of this until we have figured out a plan to get you and Minho together", Jisung announces. Chan had figured that much but he still sighs one more time. A little heavier, as if the weight of the whole world is pressing down onto his chest. He really needs better friends. Because he knows that determined look on Jisung's face. This very specific hard expression he puts on when he has decided to do something stupid and there is no holding him back. Eyes focused on his target. And this time the poor target just happens to be Chan. The worst part is that he is way too used to this already.

"There is no getting us together. It's just a stupid little crush. I'll get over it." Chan knows that Jisung won't have any of that before he has even finished his sentence so he is not even surprised when his friend rolls his eyes at him and brushes his comment off because apparently Chan has no more say in his own boy troubles

"Just a little crush my ass, you look at him as if he put the moon in the sky or something", Jisung snorts Chan is about to protest that but Felix cuts him off before he could even open his mouth.

"You love him to the moon and back", he adds while cheerfully bopping his legs up and down. And even Changbin raises his head up from where he put it down on the table in frustration earlier to add something.

"And you'd probably be willing to lasso the moon for him if he asked."

Chan looks at Changbin accusingly but the boy just shrugs with a sheepish grin that doesn't look the slightest bit apologetic. Probably he is just so fed up with Jisung's antics that he decided that joining the fun and bullying Chan is a lot easier than trying to fight it and be miserable in the corner of the room. Chan can't really blame him but he's still a little offended that they are all ganging up on him like this. He was hoping that at least Changbin would stick up for him. Or at least help him change the topic to get the game going. He expected nothing but somehow he still got disappointed.

"What's with all the moon comparisons today?", Chan asks. He doesn't even try to defend himself because he knows that it won't get him anywhere. If anything it might even make things worse because he knows that Jisung is going to twist every little word he says and use it against him somehow. And now that even Changbin has joined, Chan doesn't stand a chance anymore. Curse the whole lot of them.

"They just fit really well", Jisung says with a slight shrug and for a second Chan almost thinks that he really managed to get off the hook with this little distraction. But then Jisung puts on his signature mischevious smirk again. "Either way, you are being accused of having feelings for Minho, how do you plead?"

Oh for fuck's sake, not that bit again. Even without looking past Jisung Chan knows that Felix is intensely staring at him from where he is sitting on the table while mouthing _not guilty._ Or maybe he is already mouthing it incorrectly because apparently, that is some kind of meme that has something to do with hot milk. According to Felix, Chan would know that one if he followed a couple more anime fake quote blogs on Tumblr. But Chan has always preferred Twitter. Either way, he is not playing this stupid game right now.

"I'm not pleading anything", Chan replies grumpily. "Can we just forget about it for now and start playing?"

"Nope", Jisung replies, making sure to make the p pop nicely. Because of course, they can't move on from that now. "It doesn't matter what you are pleading, I've already come to my verdict and you are definitely into Minho. You can keep denying it if you want to, I don't care. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm not going to do anything", Chan says. He crosses his arms in front of his arm defensively and tries to push past Jisung to get to his place but Jisung jumps in front of him with both his arms stretched out to hold him back.

"Oh come on, don't be like that, I totally saw you guys dancing together last night", he says. Of course, he had to see that and bring it up again. Chan sighs, but before he could even attempt to defend himself Felix jumps in.

"Also you guys left together, don't pretend we didn't see that."

Now, this is just straight up bullying. Also, Chan really didn't believe that the two would have noticed that. They seemed pretty occupied at the time. So he tells them that. Half as a way to defend himself and half in hopes that this kind of playful banter will stir the conversation away from the thing between him and Minho. That isn't even a thing at all.

"Thought you were too busy trying to eat up Jisung like he was that last piece of cake to notice that."

Chan even adds in a slight shrug to seem like he is all cool and nonchalant about it but he already knows that it's not working before he has even finished the sentence. Jisung and Felix aren't having any of that. And Changbin is enjoying Chan's mystery way too much to step in and complain that he'd rather get the game going so they can actually make full use of the time they set for playing for once in their lives. He watches the discussion with the expression of someone who is so focused on the movie he is watching that he completely forgot about the popcorn that has fallen into his lap earlier.

"Just admit that you're into him, we all already know, so where's the harm? Also, he doesn't seem completely opposed, you know", Jisung muses. Chan could probably give him at least twenty different reasons why he thinks that maybe Minho might not be _completely opposed_ to being friendly with him but that does not mean at all that he is actually _interested_ in being anything more than friends. Hell, maybe he isn't even all that interested in befriending Chan in the first place and just wants to get to know some more people in this town. But Chan knows that getting into that debate is pointless. Because Jisung won't let him win. Or he just won't admit that he's losing it. So instead Chan just sighs and pushes past Jisung. This time he actually makes an effort of shoving Jisung aside and since the boy is both smaller and frailer than he is it's actually not that easy to push Jisung aside so he can get to his chair.

"Can we please just drop the topic? Yes, I _might_ be interested in him, but I'm not going to make a move on him. I don't even know if he even likes boys." Chan immediately knows that he shouldn't have added that last part when Felix's face lights up with a mischievous grin. The boy is still sitting on the table and the way he looks down on Chan with this wide smile and the devilish glint in his eyes makes him look almost intimidating. Diabolic even.

"Well, you didn't for a second question whether or not he was into boys when you still thought that he and Jisung were a thing."

In the background, Changbin chokes out a burst of small laughter and Chan remembers that to him this must be new information. He really hopes that he's at least enjoying the gossip now that he decided to throw Chan under the bus as well. Jisung is laughing as well. Or rather cackling. He's doubling over with laughter and smacking his thighs in a way that is so over exaggerated it could almost be comedic. But right now it's just annoying. When he finally stands up straight again and even wipes a fake tear from the corner of his eye for good measure he's smirking at Chan with his face bright red from all the laughing and acting like an idiot.

"I still absolutely cannot believe that you literally thought _I_ was into Minho. Like come on, how dumb can you even be?"

Chan rolls his eyes, completely skimming over the insult. He knows that he can't escape the debate anymore but at least he can try to not add any more fuel to the fire. Because he knows that's exactly what Jisung wants. To get Chan angry so he'll slip up and say something Jisung can twist and use against him. But Chan knows not to fight fire with fire. Because all that ever does is make the world go up in smoke. So instead he takes a deep breath and counts to ten in his head.

"You were clingy with him, but yeah, maybe I shouldn't have assumed things", he mutters in defeat. Jisung snorts out a small laugh and Felix on the table giggles into his hand while he watches the mess go down. Even Changbin in the back of the room raises his head again – apparently, he's already gotten bored with watching the fight go down and started reading something on his phone – to roll his eyes at Chan.

"Jisung is always fucking clingy", he sighs. And of course, Jisung responds to that by circling the table so fast that he almost falls over a chair and throwing his arms around Changbin from behind.

"And you love it", he declares. Changbin struggles against Jisung's arms but either he doesn't manage to push him away or he is not trying hard enough.

"I literally hate you", he says. He doesn't mean it. Chan watches in satisfaction as the two quarrel with each other because he's naive enough to assume that this means Jisung is done with making his life hell for now. But he didn't take Felix into consideration who is still sitting on the table and after watching his boyfriend choke one of their best friends in his arms returns his attention back to Chan.

"But seriously though, I think you should just try to ask him out or something. Maybe he's really interested in you, don't you think it would suck if you both just end up pining over each other like idiots because you didn't dare to make that first move?"

Chan can't really tell if that last part is still completely directed at him or if Felix is also taking a jab at Jisung. Maybe himself too. Because after what Felix has told him about how things between Jisung and him have developed Chan knows that he has no right to argue about senseless pining with the boys. But actually, they probably don't have any right to tell him anything about fessing up and confessing. Apparently, that took them long enough as well. Then again, they managed. So maybe they have a point. But Chan stays stubbornly silent. Maybe he shouldn't have because the silence creates an opportunity for Jisung to interrupt bullying Changbin so he can go back to bullying Chan again.

"But you know what, Felix and I have already decided that we're going to help you. Because we are such amazing friends. We're calling it operation Banginho. You know... like bang Minho, I think it's kind of genius."

Before Chan can tell Jisung anything about how that might be the least genius thing he has ever heard come out of his mouth – and he has heard Jisung say a lot of very stupid things in all the time that he's known him – another voice suddenly speaks up from the other end of the room.

"I really always walk in on the best conversations here, anyone care to elaborate what's going on?"

The room falls dead silent. You could have probably heard a needle drop in here if anyone had one on them to drop it. Instead, the only audible sound is four people collectively taking a sharp inhale and turning around to look at the door. Chan turns the slowest. Because as long as he doesn't see Minho standing there it's not really real. It's kind of like Schroedinger's cat. But no matter how reluctant Chan moves eventually his head is turned far enough to spot Minho casually leaning in the doorway with a smug grin on his face.

"How much did you hear?", he blurts out. Someone plan his funeral for him, please. Minho shrugs before he takes a couple more steps into the room to place a box in one of the shelves.

"Just enough to know that Jisung here apparently fantasizes about _banging_ me. I can't believe you'd say something like that right in front of your boyfriend. That's so shameless of you, Han Jisung. How is poor Felix supposed to feel about that?", Minho asks, completely directing his attention away from Chan to instead look at Jisung with over exaggerated shock on his face. At least Jisung has the decency to turn his eyes away and blush a little. Felix is not as decent.

"How about a threesome?", he suggests from his spot on the table. Minho's head whips around to look at the boy and for a second they just stare at each other. Neither of them moving or blinking. Then they both burst out into laughter at the same time. Jisung joins immediately and Chan adds in a nervous chuckle to mask the way his heart is beating out of his chest. Changbin, who still has Jisung's arms half draped around him, just rolls his eyes at the whole situation. Apparently, he's getting to the point where he is becoming too fed up with everything and would rather play sooner than later. And Chan agrees with him on that. But now they have Minho standing in the middle of the room just seconds after Jisung announced that he would start a secret mission to get Chan and Minho together. This whole situation is a powder keg waiting to explode.

"So, what are you doing here except listening in on other people's conversations? Getting lemonade again?", Jisung asks once they have all finally calmed down from their laughing fit. Minho shrugs a little. All calm and casual. All composed and precise movement. He's not wearing the apron with the logo of the coffee shop he would usually be wearing. Just the white shirt he usually wears underneath it.

"There is not much going on upstairs so you're parents said I could take a break if I wanted to. And your mother asked me to bring the decorations from the birthday party down here if I have some time. So I figured I could just combine the two and see what you guys are doing", he explains. He's looking around the room curiously and for a while, his eyes rest on the small collection of figures in the middle of the table that they use during sessions to remember everyone's places and everything. He looks at the figures with a mix of mild bewilderment and interest. Almost unconsciously Chan wiggles to the side a little to give Minho a better look at the set up in front of him. As the DM he probably has the most stuff lying around. Dice, character sheets, some more figures for monsters and other combat encounters, a rule book just in case and other items that might be useful. Maybe Minho notices him awkwardly shifting around and maybe he was just trying to glance at the table in front of Chan but for a second they make eye contact until Chan awkwardly turns away again.

"We were just about to finally start playing", Changbin announces from the other end of the table. He must have managed to shake Jisung off of him by now. At least the other boy's arms are no longer around him. Instead, Jisung has walked back to his designated seat and sat down with a pout on his face. Felix is the only one not yet in position because he is still sitting on the table but as soon as the words leave Changbin's mouth he jumps off to get to his chair. There is a sense of authority to Changbin's voice and Chan almost sighs in relief that apparently they are finally dropping the topic of him and Minho. Only problem is that Minho is still in the room.

"Well... could I join?"

His question is followed by a moment of awkward silence. No one really knows what to say or how to react that. Chan is stunned for a second. That was probably the last thing he expected Minho to ask and he's probably staring at him as if he grew a second head right now. But then his DM senses take over. Because when someone asks a question about the game Chan just has to answer it.

"Not that we don't want you to join or anything, but I think it's a little more complicated than you think it is. You'd have to create a character first and all that. That alone can take hours. Also, we are kind of already in the middle of a campaign. And we have been playing this for months. So we can't really add a new player to it just like that, we'd probably need to start a whole new adventure and so on", Chan explains. Minho's eyes grow wider and wider the more he talks and when Chan is finally done with his explanation Minho is looking at him with the biggest doe eyes he has ever seen on the boy. Chan's heart makes a small jump in his chest.

"I really didn't know that it was that... complicated", Minho mutters. Chan isn't sure whether he is actually amazed or just incredibly dumbfounded by this new discovery. So he tries to play it off with a shrug.

"Yeah, I think many people don't know this but actually playing Dungeons and Dragons can be very time-consuming."

Minho nods slowly. He's looking a little lost as the only one standing up while the rest of them are sitting around the table and Chan instinctively feels bad for shutting him down like that, so he quickly adds: "But I'm pretty sure you could watch if you want?"

Chan is looking around the room for help and the other guys either shrug or nod with different levels of enthusiasm.

"Well, if you guys don't mind. I'm actually really curious about what you do all the time when you lock yourself up in here", he says. And he says it sincerely with no hint of judgement to his voice. Chan can't help but smile at him like an idiot.

"Sure, take a seat then", he offers stretching his arms out a little to gesture at the table without realising that there are literally no seats left. Minho follows the movement of Chan's hands with his eyes before his gaze returns to him a little sceptically looking.

"So... want me to sit on your lap or do you guys have any spare chairs lying around?", he asks. And Chan jumps up so fast that he almost kicks over his chair and then stumbles over it. Jisung and Felix silently snicker while he desperately searches for that one folding chair he knows has to be somewhere here. No one else gets up to help him or point out that it is literally right next to where he is searching.

 

Minho somehow ends up being something like Chan's personal assistant for the duration that he is staying. He's sitting right next to Chan because they have all agreed that that's probably the best place for someone to sit and observe the game. Also, he gets to roll Chan's dice whenever there is a need for the DM to roll anything. Chan's dice that are marbled in the colour of the bisexuality pride flag. Minho calls them cute but doesn't comment on them further than that. And Chan pretty much sinks so low in his chair that he almost disappears under the table.

When Jisung's mother shows up about half an hour later to ask the boys if they have seen Minho anywhere she seems pleasantly surprised to find her employee with her son and his friends. Of course, she still scolds him a little because he should be back up and working and he apologises profusely but she watches all the boys with a soft smile that Chan knows all to well from his own mother. The same kind of smile his mother gave him the first time he brought Felix over after school. The same smile she always has when he tells her that he is going to go over to one of his friend's place to do something together. The smile a mother has when she knows that her child has made a friend. That they have become accepted into the group.

And without any of them really realising they really have accepted Minho into the group. Who knew that befriending someone could be so easy?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in forever and I'm really sorry about that. Life has been messy and the end of the semester where I'm supposed to hand in my Bachelor's thesis is approaching a lot faster than I thought it would. I was hoping I could finish more of this story before that but oh well, here we are now. I can't say for sure when the next update will happen, my upload schedule will probably become even messier now but I'll go back to more regular uploads once university and stuff like that are kinda settled.  
> For updates, you can also always find me on instagram or twitter (both are @ writteninspring). Thank you so much for your support and patience! <3


	8. ...unless?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chan procrastinates on his essay even more, meets Minho at the beach and they maybe sorta agree on a date.

 

It's been only a few hours since he has said goodbye to his friends. And Minho. Even though Minho has more or less snuck his way into the group now – not that it's particularly hard with the way Felix befriends everyone in his way – Minho still feels like a separate category to Chan. There are Felix, Jisung and Changbin. They are his friends. And then there is Minho. Minho is... a friend. Probably. Maybe. Supposedly. But somehow Chan can't throw him in with the others. Minho refuses to be put in a category. And whenever Chan thinks he has finally found somewhere to place him he steps out of it again. Minho is a separate category. They are too familiar already to be just acquaintances. Just a friend of a friend. They haven't really known each other long enough for Chan to put Minho on the same level as his other friends. Minho is a friend. And Minho is more than just a friend. Because you don't spend hours daydreaming about your friends. You don't find yourself observing and memorizing all their little mannerism, repeating that little moment of them tucking a strand of hair behind their ear in your mind ten thousand times over the course of a single hour laying in bed and feeling restless. Friends don't make your heart skip a beat like that. Friends don't make your palms sweaty and your knees weak or make you feel like you might throw up all over your sweater because you are so nervous and on edge. You don't feel the same way about a friend that you would feel about a crush. But Chan still refuses to put Minho into the crush category. Because he's in denial. And he's only known Minho for what? A week or so maybe? He barely knows anything about him. Except that he's working as a waiter at the café owned by the parents of one of Chan's closest friends. And that he has moved here from Seoul because his parents recently got a divorce. And he knows that Minho loves to dance. He knows that he taps his feet and nods his head when music is playing in the coffee shop while he is wiping clean one of the tables. He knows that Minho tucks his hoodie behind his ears and that he scrunches up his whole face when he thinks about something and that he likes to poke fun at other people but never actually has any malicious intent and that he is good at thinking outside of the box and can come up with amazing ideas that put even Chan's best thought out campaigns and the most creative approaches of his players to shame. And he knows... He knows that he is head over heels for Minho. But Chan's stubborn. And stupid. Because he refuses to admit to himself what everyone around him has already figured out long ago. Chan is in love with Minho but he'll be the last one to see. He doesn't have to worry about acting on any feelings if he just keeps refusing that there are feelings, to begin with. Because feelings only lead to disaster.

It's only been a few hours since Chan has said goodbye, but his Restless Heart Syndrome has already driven him out of his room again. To the beach. His safe place. His place to think and throw rocks and be angsty and emotional in peace. It's all just a drop in the ocean. It doesn't really matter much. Standing here under the night sky helps Chan put things into perspective. He's so small and the world is so big. The ocean and the sky are so vast and they meet somewhere at the horizon, now they just melt into each other. One giant void. And all his problems are just tiny pebbles he throws into it. It swallows like a black hole. And sitting here in front of all this vastness it's so easy to forget everything else. Time is an illusion. Especially when everything around you is dark and quiet, except for the roaring and crashing of dark waves against a dark rocky beach. Time is an illusion. Just like the deadline for Chan's essay that he had sworn himself to work on over the summer. The essay he has used as an excuse for leaving early after Jisung's and Felix's pestering about his relationship with Minho has become too much for him to handle without snapping at someone somewhere down the line. The essay he has to hand in by the end of this month even though he hasn't written a word of it yet. He has opened the document, sure. Even did some online research, read some articles about the topic, saved some weblinks to sites that seem like proper resources. But he knows that doing that much is basically worth doing nothing at all. But it's all fine. Time is an illusion. He is not procrastinating on his essay and he does not have a crush on Minho. It's all good. He's just standing here on the beach throwing rocks at the ocean after dawn like any sensible person should do from time to time. This is fine.

Except that it isn't. Nothing is really fine. He has feelings he shouldn't have for a boy he barely knows and he can't focus on anything and he's acting like a total idiot hauling stones into the ocean at night even though it's too cold to be outside without a jacket now and the harsh wind is blowing a faint spray of seawater into his face and-

Chan is just tired of it all.

He plops down on the ground, not minding that the sand is a little wet and will probably stick to his jeans and still be in his pockets weeks later. He smoothes out the sand around him with his hands, small circular motions until the ground around him is even and all the small stones and dried up plants and whatever else the ocean has washed onto the shore is out of the way. He begins drawing squiggly lines with his fingers into the soft ground mindlessly. His hands are moving on autopilot, his brain almost completely shut off. The ground is cold but he barely registers it. Doesn't mind at all. Drawing lines into the ground and then smoothing them out again feels almost therapeutic. Like stroking a small cat that you met on the street, the tiny animal curling itself into your hand as best as it can, softly purring while you methodically run your hands through soft fur again and again. Like filling in the squares on a page of your notebook with small lines to create patterns. It's something to do that keeps your hands busy but doesn't require any thinking at all. And Chan is so absorbed in drawing lines that he does not notice the footsteps of another person sneaking up on him from behind until he feels a hand softly tapping on his shoulder. He almost lets out a small shriek as he flinches and turns at the same time to find none other than Minho look down at him with a wide smile. Because who else would it be. Fate is cruel like that.

"Hey, I almost didn't see you there, are you okay?", Minho asks. Chan can't say for sure whether he is actually concerned or just worried about his mental state. Is Minho concerned with his wellbeing or just afraid that he might have blown a fuse and gone completely insane? There is no way to know. But Chan feels embarrassed about the situation either way.

"Yeah I'm just... having a moment I guess", he mutters. To his surprise, Minho not only shrugs it off as if that is nothing out of the ordinary but also gets down onto the ground to sit down in the sand right next to Chan.

"You hang out here a lot, huh? You must really like the beach", he remarks. He's staring into the distance, towards where the dark vastness of the ocean meets the dark void of the sky, the stars sprinkling it are the only clear indicator of where one of them ends and where the other begins. And for a moment Chan wonders what Minho thinks about it when he stares out into this nothingness. Does it make him feel small as well? Or is it just a pretty sight to him. It takes Chan a moment longer than it should have to realise that he should probably answer something so he finally makes a small approving hum, together with a small nod that Minho can't see because he is busy staring into space.

"I guess I do", Chan muses, because there isn't really anything to say besides the truth. Well, maybe not the full truth. But it's no lie that Chan likes the beach. He enjoys swimming and sunbathing and hanging out there with his friends during the day. But the beach at night is different from that. The things he likes about the beach at day, the laughter, the fun, the excitement, those are all things he wants to escape from when he goes to the beach at night.

"So, writer's block or just procrastinating?", Minho asks out of the blue and Chan is so taken aback for a moment that all he manages is a surprised  _huh?_ Minho chuckles. "Oh, sorry, your friends told me that you left early to work on some essay or something, but since you're out here and not somewhere locked up and writing I figured that you're running away from your responsibilities. Which is very much relatable by the way, no judgement on my side. "

"Ah", Chan makes, for a moment wondering whether his friends just happened to be talking about Chan or whether Minho actively asked why he had left earlier than the rest of them but it's not like he is actually going to ask Minho about that. "A little bit of both I guess. I don't really know how to begin, I mean I know what I want to write and I have done a bit of research but actually sitting down any typing it all out is way harder than putting the words together in your head. The problem of the blank page or whatever. And I guess I also, don't really feel like doing it now because I keep telling myself that I still have plenty of time to get it done."

"When's it due?", Minho asks, probably just to keep the conversation going now that he has gotten Chan to talk at all. But a tiny voice in the back of Chan's mind tells him to stop being so cynical. Because maybe Minho sounds genuinely interested after all. At least he looks interested. He has turned his upper body to face Chan, eyes on him, every once in a while pulling a face or faintly nodding while he listens.

"End of the month", Chan answers. "So a good two weeks left to work on it before I have to hand it in. And I have written essays in way less time than that and still got a passing grade. Not bragging or anything, I just make bad life choices and don't sleep enough."

"Yeah, I feel you", Minho laughs and then silence falls over them for a moment. At first, it's pleasant silence, at least Chan likes to believe that it is, but the longer they sit next to each other, both kind of staring into nothing, the more he feels like he should be saying something. Move the conversation forward. Ask some questions. Anything.

 _Ask him out on a date_ he hears Jisung's voice in his head, like a devil sitting on his shoulder and whispering into his ear.  _Do it, take a leap of faith_ another faint voice adds, this one sounds a lot more like Felix. Maybe Chan is going insane.

"So, what responsibilities are you running away from right now?", he asks, half to keep the conversation going and half to talk over the voices in his head. So many voices in his head. Minho lets out a small chuckle and shrugs his shoulders and Chan almost thinks that this is it and that his masterful attempt at making conversation has already ended in disaster. But then Minho raises his voice. Only faintly, but the night around them is so quiet that whispers carry loud enough between the two of them. It's only now that Chan notices how close they are actually sitting and he is so captivated by that realisation that he kind of misses out on half of what Minho was saying.

"... so basically I took that as an excuse to go out and get some fresh air for a bit."

"I'm sorry, what was that? I didn't really hear you right, the waves, you know...", Chan makes a vague gesture towards the ocean even though he knows that the sound of the waves is not nearly loud enough to drown out the voice of someone talking. But Minho either doesn't bother to point it out or actually believes Chan's terrible excuse of an explanation as to why he wasn't paying closer attention.

"Oh, I just said that I'm not really running from anything in particular, but my aunt sent me out to get some cat food before the store closes and I wanted to get some fresh air either way so yeah", Minho repeats his words, a little louder this time, although him raising his voice is completely unnecessary. Chan gives himself a mental slap across the face for blaming it on the noise levels. He actually liked the secretive atmosphere that whispers had. He liked the soft sound of Minho's voice that mixed brilliantly with the soothing sounds of the ocean in the background. Minho has raised his right arm a little while speaking to reveal a small plastic bag hanging from his wrist and Chan wonders how he has missed that before. It has the logo of that small supermarket chain printed on it. The only shop in this town that is opened until ten pm. Chan wasn't even aware they sold cat food as well. But maybe that's just because he has never actively looked for it. Even though the store is so small it is easy to get lost in the cramped aisles with no signs and apparently no system as to how items are sorted. Noodles are right next to soap and other cleaning supplies, the canned vegetables are stored on the same shelf as alcohol but the canned fruit is next to the dairy products. It's not impossible that there is a shelf with cat food hidden somewhere.

"Then I guess you should be heading back to deliver that to your aunt soon", Chan remarks. Not because he wants Minho to leave. It's the opposite rather. He wants to see if Minho will stay regardless. The boy shrugs.

"She won't need it until tomorrow morning. And maybe I'm running away from my problems a little bit after all. I kind of just... don't want to be home right now."

"Wanna talk about it?", Chan offers. Because it's the only thing he really knows how to do. To sit and listen. He's been told that he's a good listener by several people. He makes up for it in a lack of being good at talking though. But listening is easy. Minho seems to be hesitating for a moment. Chan can pretty much read every little thought that crosses his mind on his face. Minho is so expressive. With the way he scrunches his nose and rolls his eyes and knits together his eyebrows into a million different expressions in a matter of seconds until his face finally settles into a  _why the hell not_ kind of look.

"Well, everything just feels kind of weird lately. I feel like time moves differently around here. Like summer could last forever. I just get up in the morning, work a shift at the café where nothing much happens all day, when I get bored I sneak into the basement and hang out with you guys, when I walk back home the sun is setting over the beach and it just feels like every day could be like that for the rest of my life. But that's not real. I still haven't settled on what university to go to and applications are only open until the end of this month. I feel like I'm procrastinating on my whole life because everything feels so peaceful and serene at the moment and I'm afraid to admit to myself that it can't be like that forever", Minho takes a short break from speaking to gaze into the distance but Chan waits patiently for him to continue. In moments like these, he can kind of sense when someone is actually done venting and when they just need a moment to gather their thoughts. And he's pretty sure that right now it's the latter case. Minho just needs to inhale a bit of the night before he can speak his next words in a hushed tone. "I think that's what I like about being out here. Kinda puts things into perspective, don't you think. The world is quiet here."

"I didn't realise this was a sad occasion", Chan mutters under his breath, the response comes almost as a reflex. Minho looks at him a little puzzled.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Oh, uhm, nothing. Just... I really feel you. I mean... I totally feel the same way about this as you do. I like being out here, kind of makes it feel like all of my problems are so small and insignificant when looking at the big picture."

Minho makes a small approving humming noise while he continues staring into the distance. And Chan continues staring at Minho, wondering what kind of insanity drives him to keep talking right now.

"But you know, it kind of also helps me actually figure my shit out when I go back home. Because once I've realised how small my problems actually are it's somehow easier to get them done. I'm taking inspiration from the ocean if that makes sense. It's so huge and unbothered and no matter what problems you throw at it, it doesn't really mind."

"That's a really nice thought", Minho muses. Suddenly he's up on his feet again, slapping the sand off of his jeans and smiling. "Okay then, let's take some motivation and figure our shit out. You finish that essay and I figure out what university I want to go to. Both of us have until the end of the month."

He's extending a hand as if he's waiting for Chan to shake on it and make it a deal. Without thinking about it for too long Chan grabs the hand. And Minho holds it for a moment. He pulls Chan back onto his feet and Chan lets him, pulling back his hand immediately as soon as he is standing. He gives him credit for not wiping his hands on his pants right away because Chan is sure that his palms must have been sweaty.

"I guess I better get going before my mom fears that I have been kidnapped or something and starts blowing my phone up", Minho chuckles. Chan smiles back at him.

"Yeah, you probably shouldn't your mom and aunt wait. And you especially shouldn't let the cats wait for their food. Is it for the strays your aunt keeps feeding?"

"Oh, no", Minho kind of awkwardly rubs the back of his neck for a moment before he looks at Chan with an entirely different kind of smile, one that is just brimming with fondness, though it's clearly not directed at Chan, but rather the topic of conversation. "Well, they used to be strays I guess, but we adopted them. I've always loved cats and I especially love doing something good and adopting one that would otherwise be forced to live in a shelter. I like giving them a home. Do you have pets?"

"Ah, my family used to have a dog. Well, I guess we still kind of have the dog, but we left it with some relatives in Australia. We kind of figured that the long journey and everything would be too stressful. But I'm always super excited to go back home and see my Berry. But cats are pretty neat too, I like their soft purrs and tiny paws."

"Pretty neat?", Minho gasps, sounding almost offended. "Excuse me, I'll let you know that cats are the best creatures in the entire world. And their paws are not only soft they also smell great. You should really meet mine, they are so cute and adorable. They are like my children. Maybe if you're free you could come over to my place some time to meet them..."

"Sure!", Chan blurts out, way too quickly and way too eagerly. No one gets that excited about meeting someone else's cats. So he's trying to do some damage control. "I mean, yeah I guess that cool if you don't mind I mean... yeah, I would like that."

"So it's a date", Minho declares with a cheery smile and Chan almost chokes on his own spit.

"D-date?", he stutters out like the absolute idiot he is. Minho shrugs.

"Yeah, a cat meeting date. But if you were thinking of some other kind of date we could also make that a thing", he dramatically wiggles his eyebrows to give Chan the exaggerated version of a flirty look. The kind that is so obviously jokingly flirty that Chan knows not to take it seriously. And yet his stupid heart is beating way too fast as Minho begins to laugh. "Haha, just kidding... unless?"

"Unless what?", Chan hears himself ask. His mouth feels so dry, it's almost odd that his voice isn't cracking. It feels like there is a thin thread wrapped around his neck that is slowly being pulled on until it squeezes his throat shut to make sure no more stupid words can escape him. Minho only shrugs again.

"Nothing unless. It's that meme. You know. Felix told me about it... did I do it wrong or something? I'm not really up to date with the kids and all their weird memes."

Chan chuckles. He should have known. He should have figured that Felix – and thus probably also Jisung – was somehow involved in this. They are always involved when Shenanigans happen.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just as much of a grumpy grandpa as you are. I don't know anything about the youngsters and their weird internet memes."

Minho puckers up his lips and puts his head in wrinkles to mimic what Chan assumes to be his imitation of an old man waving his cane at the young kids playing ball in his yard before he speaks in a lowered voice: "Back in my days we didn't have the internet and all those  _me-mes_  and we had to tell bad knock-knock jokes that we heard from the creepy older brother of that one friend from school if we wanted to be funny."

Chan bursts out into laughter and Minho soon joins him until they are both doubled over and shaking with laughter, wiping small tears from the corners of their eyes and Chan wonders when he last felt so free. So lightheaded. So high on life. Minho is the first to straighten up again.

"No but honestly, if you want to come over and meet the cats we can totally make that happen. I have your number after all. We'll just figure out a time when we're both free and boom. It's a date."

"Yeah. It's a date", Chan repeats.

_Holy shit. It's a date._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> has it been forever? yes  
> am I sorry for the inactivity? also yes  
> but hey, I am almost done with my bachelor's thesis, I have basically graduated university (wow wtf, this feels unreal no matter how often I say it) and I am officially back on my bullshit. I'm aiming for at least one update a week now, if I ever work out a proper schedule (unlikely) I'll put it in the notes of the next chapter or so  
> Thank you for all the patience and support!


	9. OBJECTION!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Jisung casually drops a bomb, Chan denies all accusations made against him, and Minho forgets the lemonade.

"Guess who got himself a date", Chan announces cheerfully while he pushes open the door to the basement. The reaction is pretty much non-existent. Not that he really expected a big reaction to his words but he expected... well at least some kind of reaction at all. Instead, all he is met with is silence and Changbin raising his head up from his phone to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, congrats, I guess?", he mutters after a moment of awkward silence. A quick glance around the room tells Chan that they are the only ones here at the moment. Which is not unusual actually. Changbin and he are always the only really punctual ones in their group. Even though one would logically assume that Jisung should be the first one here. He does live here after all. But most of the time he ends up forgetting something essential – like his goddamn dice for example – in his room upstairs and has to run and grab them after the others have already arrived. And Felix has a habit of running late. Jisung swears that one time he actually saw Felix sprinting to school with a piece of toast in his mouth just like some anime girl. Chan is only half sure that the story is made up. Either way, him and Changbin being the first ones in the basement should not be something he is surprised about if anything he should have actually started being concerned about his own punctuality with how often he was the last one to arrive these days. But it still does make things a little bit awkward. It's not that Chan minds being alone with Changbin, he actually enjoys his company a lot. He also has no problem striking up a conversation with him, they share a lot of interests after all and it's fun to engage in way too serious discussions about minor details in fantasy franchises. Changbin is especially passionate about arguing about small film mistakes in the Lord of the Ring movies or sharing his knowledge of the Silmarillion with everyone who asked – or didn't ask but just happens to be there to listen. The problem is just that Chan is often not sure when he can actually approach Changbin for a conversation. Because – and he is saying this as a friend – Changbin usually has an expression like he is ready to murder whoever dares disturb him. Especially when he is reading something on his phone. Which is basically always.

Chan quietly pulls back his chair. Or rather, Chan stays quiet while he pulls back his usual chair, creating a loud creaking noise as he drags it over the floor. He pulls a face while he sits down and tries to at least get comfortable and start unpacking without making much more noise. Changbin has gone back to reading without as much as a word of greeting. Maybe a while ago Chan would have considered that rude, but at this point, he is used to it. Changbin might look grumpy, but actually he's just awkward and really introverted.

Chan gets all of his stuff out and sets up his place and there is still no sign of Jisung or Felix. Changbin is still reading and he is not quite sure what to do now. Maybe he should talk to him after all. He has been meaning to either way. There is something he has been thinking about for a while now.

"So...", Chan begins awkwardly and in the exact same moment Changbin puts down his phone and says "Hey,..."

They both awkwardly stop and look at each other waiting for the other to finish first but neither of them dares to speak up and accidentally interrupt the other again. Finally, Chan breaks the silence.

"You first", he mumbles, awkwardly gesturing towards Changbin.

"Oh, uhm, I just wanted to say sorry if I came across as rude or whatever just now. I'm really happy for you. I'm just not that good at being enthusiastic about that stuff like Jisung and Felix." Changbin fiddles around with his hands in his lap while he is talking and for a moment Chan feels taken back in time. His first few conversations with Changbin had been just like that. Before the boy warmed up to him and got more comfortable just talking and being himself. And Chan responds just the way he used to back then, being as ensuring as he possibly can.

"Hey, it's cool. I know that you just aren't as overly cheerful. And you don't have to be ecstatic about it or whatever. Also, it's not like an official  _date_ date thing yet, we just kind of agreed to hang out together", Chan explains. Suddenly he feels a little stupid for bursting through the door like that earlier. What was he even thinking to call it a date? They haven't even really agreed on a time or anything yet. He hasn't even dared to text Minho again to suggest a time. All they did was make hypothetical plans to meet up... so that Chan could meet Minho's cats. That's hardly something worth bragging about.

"Yeah, you know, but other people don't. And it's just that lately, some people have told me that they think I'm rude or arrogant or something like that because I never get excited and I always seem disinterested when someone is talking to me and I'm just... trying to work on myself I guess. You know, get some better social skills, learn to approach people and actually have conversations with others even when Felix and Jisung aren't dragging me around. I can't be their third wheel forever. We're all graduating next spring and I think I really need to get better at dealing with people before I can be ready to move out from here and do adult stuff all on my own somewhere far from home."

Chan nods slowly. He knows that struggle way too well. His first few weeks in the big city were rough. Not just because of the unfamiliar environment. People act differently there. Here he got used to greeting people on the street and smiling at whoever was passing him on his way to school or the store when his mom sent him out to get some groceries. The first time he smiled at a stranger in the city she gave him a dirty look and changed the side of the road. Trying to have friendly chit-chat with cashiers or cheerfully greeting the barista at the coffee shop on campus has also gotten him some weird looks. Everything feels a little less personal. People sit down next to him at lunch with no intention to talk to him just because there are no other free tables in the overcrowded cafeteria. Actually connecting with people is harder and Chan is sure that he still only knows half of the people he sees in classes regularly by name. And he's only actually got to know a handful of them. Human connection is complicated. But maybe it's worth putting in effort for.

"I get that. But remember that you don't have to force yourself to be overly cheerful or whatever. Especially not around me. I'm sure there are better ways of showing people that you genuinely care. And the whole adult thing is tough, but I'm sure you'll manage just fine. You've always been one of the most mature ones here. Sometimes I even feel like I should be calling you Hyung and ask for your wisdom", Chan chuckles slightly at the end of his sentence and Changbin shoots him a smile as well. The genuine kind.

"I think you've changed a lot", he suddenly says. The way he says it makes it sound so factual, like a plain observation about the weather or something. The way some of the old people living around the docks say that they can feel the rain coming in the aching of their bones. Chan is not sure what to respond and maybe Changbin misreads his surprised silence for being offended, because he quickly adds: "For the better, I think. Maybe moving out did you good. I think you're more adult-like now. Not like, super serious and mature but just... I don't even know how to really describe it. More sure of yourself maybe? I think I want to be like that."

"Thanks, I guess", Chan mutters, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. He wonders if that is really how he comes across. Like someone who's got both feet on the ground. He doesn't feel like it honestly.

"It's cool. So, what did you want to say?"

"Ah, I just wanted to ask about something you said the other day when-"

The door explodes open in that moment. Literally. Jisung throws open doors like he is trying to knock them down. As if he had to force it open despite it being unlocked – and even if it were locked somehow he should have a key for it. The door flies open and hits the nearby shelf so hard that a couple of bottles rattle while Jisung marches into the room. A one man army knocking down the door to the fortress and invading. Resistance is pointless. Felix follows right behind with a big smile and a cheerful wave of his hand.

"Oh, Chan, you're here already", Jisung notices. He sounds a little bit too happy about that and Chan instinctively starts bracing himself for whatever is about to happen. There is this little mischevious flicker in Jisung's eyes and he knows that it means trouble. Felix can barely contain the wide grin while he follows Jisung into the room. Both of them sit down in their usual chairs and Chan waits for Jisung to unleash whatever chaos he is about to start with his breath held. Jisung takes his sweet time with it, enjoying the tense silence in the room while he gets comfortable in his chair before he looks up at Chan to drop the bomb almost like a passing remark.

"I saw Seungmin the other day and he told me that Woojin is in town. Maybe you two should meet up, for old times sake. You were super close to him, weren't you?"

_Oh no. Hell no. This can't be happening._

"We hung out a bit back in school. Haven't talked to him in forever", Chan says through gritted teeth but on the inside, he is screaming. Jisung has the audacity to act all disinterested and even pick at his fingernails, only raising his head for a moment to give Chan a questioning look.

"Are you sure about that? The way you shoved your tongue down his throat that one time at the school festival kind of looked like more than just friends?"

Maybe Chan does let out a bit of an audible scream, he can't really tell with all the other chaos that is unfolding around him. Changbin sighs loudly and Felix pretty much explodes in a fit of choked up laughter while Jisung watches all the mayhem he caused with a satisfied expression. God, sometimes Chan really hates that brat.

"Can you stop bringing that up? It was really just a one time kind of thing, it's not like we were dating or anything", Chan mutters, even though he knows full well that that won't stop Jisung. They have been over this countless times. So maybe Chan kind of had a soft spot for Woojin throughout most of high school. And maybe they kind of made out at that one school even once. No big deal. But Jisung just has to make it one.

"Are you sure? Because I have some evidence that it was more than just this once", he says, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Chan wants to scream. He knows that Jisung is just trying to rile him up to make him accidentally slip up and confess something, but there really isn't anything more to say and he's really tired of the whole debate.

"We weren't dating", he repeats. A little more forceful this time, but apparently that was the wrong thing to say as well. Jisung and Felix exchange a glance before Jisung turns back to Chan with a smirk.

"So you are denying all accusations made against you?", he asks.  _Oh shit, here we go again._

"Please don't do this", Chan begs, but it's too late to stop Jisung now. He has straightened his back and folded one leg over the other while glaring across the room.

"Does this mean you deny the accusations made against you or not?", he repeats his question. Suddenly a loud bang rings through the room. Felix has jumped up from his chair and slammed both hands down on the table.

"HOLD IT!", he exclaims and Chan rolls his eyes. Yes, they are here for roleplaying, but he was hoping for more DnD and less courtroom drama. "The prosecution is purposely trying to confuse the defendant."

Felix dramatically points his finger at Jisung who does an overexaggerated gasp and slaps his hands to the sides of his face. Maybe it would be comical if Chan wasn't the butt of this joke. But the easiest way to get through this is to endure, so Chan bites his tongue and hopes for this to be over soon.

Felix shuffles the unmarked pages in front of him around as if he has some important evidence that he is preparing before he speaks up again. "So far the prosecution has failed to bring forth any evidence on the claims made against the defendant. Therefore the accusations don't hold water."

Jisung, who has apparently just been waiting for his turn as if this is some great reenactment of a scene they have played multiple times, responds without missing a beat. "I have testimonies from eyewitnesses who claim to have seen the defendant together with Kim Woojin on several occasions."

"OBJECTION!", Felix shouts. "There are no witnesses present today, only witnesses present in the courtroom can give testimonies. Your honour", he turns to Changbin who raises up his hands.

"Don't drag me into this", he says. Felix pouts. Stupid puppy eyes.

"Oh come on Changbin, please. Play along, just this once."

"Ugh, fine", Changbin rolls his eyes. "Objection granted. The prosecution may only use evidence or testimonies of witnesses present in the courtroom right now."

Jisung pouts for a second before he slips back into his character of the Demon Attorney. "In that case, I would like to bring up an old file of an unresolved case. I am speaking of the mystery of the indecent incident on the sportsfield in summer last year."

Fake gasping all around the room. Felix slams his hands on the table again. "OBJECTION! There is no proof that this case has any relevant connection to the trial currently going on."

Jisung counters that with a scream of  _OBJECTION_ of his own and maybe he's enjoying the whole thing a little bit too much. "There is clear evidence that the culprits that were surprised by an eye witness back then were two male students."

Chan can't believe that they are bringing this shit up again. In summer last year some random kid in first grade allegedly found two guys making out under the bleachers on the school's sports field. When they got discovered they ran but apparently left behind an unopened condom which that kid proudly presented as evidence to everyone who dared question his wild story. And well... Woojin had always been the most out kid at school. Not that he ever actively outed himself or anything, he was just probably the one who was least straight passing with his gentle attitude and school uniform always perfectly ironed, hair washed and generally just smelling... clean. It's maybe a little bit sad how in a room full of pubescent sweaty schoolboys just having personal hygiene makes you look gay, but that's the way the world works. Maybe the rainbow socks and other questionable fashion items people have seen him wear around town in his free time added to that a little. Also, the fact that he was a theatre kid if Chan has ever seen one. Male lead of pretty much every musical performance the school's theatre troupe put on in the three years that Woojin went there. And apparently he has also gone on to pursue a degree in musical theatre. When other kids tried to make fun of him for being  _gay_ he only shrugged. So yeah, still the most out kid at that school. Maybe that's what Chan admired him for so much. But of course, when rumours started spreading about a potential gay couple at school fingers were quickly pointed in Woojin's direction. Chan has no idea whether or not Woojin was actually somehow involved in this. Or it if it actually something that has ever really happened. All he knows for a fact is that he and Woojin never made out... under the bleachers. But that does not mean that his friends are actually buying it. Or maybe they just like to be irritating.

"Objection! That is a cold case already if you can't present any new evidence on it you should not be bringing it up", Felix says. Chan is not sure if the boy is actually trying to defend him or if it's all just a way too elaborated gag between Jisung and Felix that the rest of them have to bear witness to now. Probably they have just waited for a chance to act out there court drama anime in real life. Jisung crosses his arms in front of his chest, trying real hard to look serious while he puts his forehead in wrinkles.

"The evidence clearly points towards a gay couple making out under the bleachers at school a year ago and the defendant and Kim Woojin seem to be prime suspects for this."

"Can you guys just stop with this? I didn't secretly meet Woojin under the bleachers. I didn't make out with Woojin under the bleachers. Woojin and I didn't go anywhere near the bleachers. I've never done anything weird with Woojin under the bleachers", Chan finally breaks down exasperated. There is a second of silence before Jisung and Felix both raise their voices at the same time. But another voice cuts through before they can say anything.

"Order in the court!" There is a loud knocking that is definitely not coming from Changbin, even though he is supposed to fill the judge position. Chan literally wants to die.

"Hey, Minho", Felix greets cheerfully as if the boy Chan has maybe sort of kind of a crush on didn't just walk in on a conversation about Chan and his alleged ex-boyfriend making out on the school grounds.

"Hey guys, I'm here for the usual crate of lemonade", Minho greets back just as casually. "Seemed like you were having fun so I wanted to join in, is this some new roleplaying thing you are doing?"

"Chan's ex is in town", Jisung replies very much not helpfully. Chan could really strangle him sometimes. He has not yet dared to actually turn around and look at Minho but when he does now he is met with a sort of half confused half suspicious expression.

"He was not actually my boyfriend we were just... good friends", Chan mutters, not sure why he even still bothers defending himself like this.

"Good friends who totally kissed that one time", Felix reminds. Chan shoots him a death glare and for once it actually is enough to shut him up.

"So, are you going to meet up with your  _good friend_ now that he is here as well?", Minho asks. There seems to be some odd undertone to his voice that Chan can't quite pin down. Maybe it's because he's busy and should probably not be spending too much time down here talking to them and figuring out what kind of disastrous scene he has stumbled into this time but he seems impatient. Maybe even irritated. He is tapping his left foot on the floor without any kind of rhythm and his right hand is clenched around the door handle a little tighter than it has to be.

"M-maybe, I don't know yet", Chan stutters a little, taken aback by the hostile vibe he is getting from Minho so suddenly.

"Well, maybe you should... for old times sake", Minho replies. It sounds almost snappy. Sour. As if he just bit into a lemon and is now trying not to flinch or show a reaction but the acid is still lacing his tongue. There is something weird about him. Chan can't quite put his finger on it.

"Yeah, maybe you should. I'll just leave you guys to it... work's calling."

And suddenly he's gone again. Minho leaves the room in confused silence, the courtroom style debated they were having just a moment ago is already completely forgotten. Changbin is the first one to speak up again.

"Didn't he say he was getting lemonade? I don't think he took any with him."

"Huh, that's weird. Maybe he forgot about it?", Felix adds. He's kind of looking back and forth between the shelves and the door. As if he could count the lemonade bottles and take inventory to see if Minho really didn't take any with him. Jisung shrugs.

"Probably just forgot it. Or we didn't notice him grab it", he muses, already turning his back on the door again to mess around with something on the table. "But damn, this stuff seems to be popular lately. My mom always complains that we are the only ones who actually drink it so she only keeps it stocked for us and barely anyone else actually buys it. But they must be selling more lately with how often Minho has been down here to get some. Maybe cause it's summer."

"Oh, if it's getting popular we could ask your parents to get another flavour!", Felix adds in his usual overly excited tone of voice whenever the topic of conversation switches to anything he has even a basic level of interest in. "I saw somewhere that there is like this pink peach sparkly lemonade by the same brand and I really want to try that."

"I knew it, you are only dating me because of my parent's access to cool lemonade", Jisung wails dramatically. Changbin rolls his eyes and Chan lets out a silent sigh. Maybe he managed to get out of this conversation smoothly for once. They continue on with their banter as normally, switching from one stupid conversation to the next before Changbin finally threatens to leave if they don't start playing some actual DnD soon.

Minho does not come back for lemonade.

 

Later that night, when after five minutes of staring at a blank page Chan is already sick of pretending to be productive and he grabs his phone looking for some distraction there is a new message. His heart almost skips a beat at the preview that just reads  _hey, wanted to ask if you wanted to meet me at..._ but then he sees the name. And even though there is no logical way Jisung and Felix could have arranged this he is pretty sure that they somehow set Woojin up to this. Because there is just no other explanation why he would be texting Chan and ask him to hang out right now. But he has. The message is there. Chan stares at the preview for a moment before he finally opens it to read the whole thing

_hey, wanted to ask if you wanted to meet me at the old arcade if you have time, i'm in town for the week and i thought it would be fun to hang out and maybe catch up a little, haven't seen you in like forever_

For maybe half a minute Chan just stares. He's going to regret this. He is so totally going to regret doing this. He should not even be thinking about doing this.

 

 _Sure, I'm free tomorrow afternoon_ he texts backs. You know, like an idiot.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else obsessed with Ace Attorney? Because I have been building up to Jisung and Felix bullshitting a courtroom style debate for way too long to be the only person to actually like this game xD


	10. x x x x x x x

There are not many places to hang out in this small town. Sure, there are plenty of public spots, but not a lot of them really carter to younger people. If you're young and you want to meet up with your friends here, there's pretty much only three places you can go. The first, and most obvious one, is the beach. No matter if it's day or night, there are usually groups of teens hanging out, either playing volleyball or splashing around in the shallow when the sun is high in the sky. Or they are grouping around campfires when it's beginning to get dark. It's most crowded in the summer, even on his nightly walks Chan has had the occasional encounters with other people just hanging out there. But since it's a beach it only really makes sense to pick it as a meeting spot when the weather is actually good. And when it really is, the place is usually overcrowded. Even people from neighbouring towns make the trip on particularly sunny days to take a short dip and later buy ice cream or other snacks from the street vendors that pretty much depend on this sort of tourism at this point. If the beach is a little too crowded for your liking, the next best spot is probably the sport's field belonging to the school. Technically the students aren't supposed to be their outside of school hours. But there is a huge hole in the fence and no one has bothered to fix it for years. So keeping the students out can't actually be that high on the list of priorities. Some especially eager kids bring their own balls to play football or maybe volleyball on the green, but for the most part, they are just sitting around on the bleachers. Because they at least offer some kind of shade or protection from the weather if needed. Still, it's outdoors. So when it's cold or raining cats and dogs there is only one remaining place to go to – unless you and your group of friends prefer sitting in a basement the whole day – that is both a decent place to hang out and actually indoors. The old mall.

Although calling this place a mall might be a bit too much praise. It used to be a hospital until it shut down sometime in the 50s. Then it was just left to decay for a couple of decades until some investor bought the whole thing in the 80s and decided to renovate and turn it into a modern shopping centre. Apparently, at the time he was under the impression that this small town by the sea could turn into some kind of flourishing town with a bit of help. Well, that did not go so well. But at least the mall is still here. About half of the stores are empty, some broken windows with signs taped to them informing everyone walking by about which number to call in case they want to set up shop there. Chan wonders if anyone has ever actually called any of these numbers with the serious intention of bringing their business to this old mall. There are a few stores, still. A couple of fashion outlets, more struggling local businesses and the usual fast-food chains that are pretty much everywhere. And there is an old arcade. Most of the games were probably already considered retro by the time it was built and some of them don't really work anymore, but most are actually in decent condition. Except for the claw machines, Chan is sure that they are either broken or someone tampered with them because he is never able to actually win anything. And, judging by that teddy bear he has seen sitting on top of the pile of toys in one of them for possibly ten years no, no one else is either. Still, the place is alright, Chan supposes.

When he arrives at the mall Woojin is already standing in front of the main entrance. He's looking at his phone so Chan spots him before he sees him which gives him a moment to stop and observe before he actually goes up to greet Woojin. He has changed but at the same time, he hasn't. He still has that same hairstyle he had when Chan last saw him. Still carries around the same backpack slung over one shoulder. And although it's harder to tell from the distance, he probably still has the same stickers glued to his phone case. But the style around these signature items that he has been carrying around since middle school has changed. It seems more modern. More stylish and on-trend. And the way he carries himself is different. Chan remembers Woojin as mostly reserved. Not necessarily shy, but definitely softer around the edges. The type to shut down drama rather than starting it. But just the way he is standing right now makes him look a little more headstrong. But what's most different about him now is the feeling Chan gets when he looks at him. Back then he always used to get flustered around Woojin. The whole knees weak, head spinning, heart beating out of his chest thing. Now there is nothing left of that sensation. Just a bit of uneasiness. But that can probably be blamed on the fact that they haven't talked to each other in a year or so and Chan was never really good at making conversation with Woojin in the first place. Even back when they were actively seeing each other. But now he's here already, so he takes a deep breath and approaches Woojin.

"Hey there, did you wait long?"

Woojin lowers his phone and gives Chan a warm smile. A year ago that alone would have probably been enough to reduce him to a stuttering blushing mess, but right now it does next to nothing for Chan. It's at this very moment he realises why he has actually come here. He needed to confirm what he feels. And apparently this is it. Nothing. Well, except for some platonic feelings for some guy he went to school with a year ago maybe.

"I just got here myself, so don't worry about it", Woojin says. He stuffs his phone back into his pocket and for an awkward second, they both hesitate, considering whether or not they should hug or maybe shake hands or just stand around and do nothing. But then Woojin just goes in and pulls Chan in a short but tight hug. He smells clean. Soap and a hint of cologne. Chan barely has the time to struggle with whether or not he should do the awkward thing where he kind of taps Woojin's back while they are hugging when Woojin is already pulling back again. "Wanna head inside?"

"Yeah, sure."

Chan follows Woojin into the building. As soon as the automatic doors open a cold gush of air that smells like dust and the remainder of the squeaky clean disinfectants hospital smell that has never left this place hits him. Even though the building has been renovated the hospital air still seems to linger here like the ghosts of former patients exhaling it right into the face of everyone who enters. Chan shudders from the sudden cold and the chill that this atmosphere always sends down his spine. The flooring is the only thing that hasn't been changed at all. It's still all green PVC Flooring that seems to be squeaking under Chan's worn-out sneakers. He has never liked hospitals much and this place feels a little too much like one for his liking. There are a few groups of other teens scattered around the area, most of them assembled somewhere around the few benches in the big entrance hall sort of area. Some others are aimlessly wandering around, talking while they stare at the store windows that have been, for the most part, displaying the same items for years. Chan and Woojin head up a flight of stairs, down a hallway that smells like sesame oil and fried noodles and into the dimly lit arcade area. There is a sign with little light bulbs forming the letters right above the open glass doors, only half of the bulbs actually work properly and some are missing entirely but as long as it's not a fire hazard or threatening to explode no one will bother to take care of it.

The ground inside the arcade is laid out with a dark brown carpet that has some stains on it here and there but Chan still prefers it a lot to the hospital flooring in the rest of the mall. The smell in here is also more bearable for him. A mixture of sweat, sugary lemonade – that probably explains most of the sticky stains – and stale air. The feeling this room gives him is very similar to the basement.

"So, what do you want to do first?", Woojin asks. Chan looks around the room for some random two-player game close by that they can play for a while to make conversation flow easier when his eyes get stuck on a certain machine.

"Hey, think I can still beat your ass in that racing game we used to play?", he says, pointing to a game more towards the back of the room. Woojin follows with his eyes and then turns back to Chan with a smirk.

"Oh please, I've let you win because you always get super sulky when you lose at the shooters so I figured I'd let you have this one thing."

"Is that so? Then bring it on, old man."

"Who are you calling old? You're just six months younger than me. I can and will kick your ass." Woojin chuckles but he takes no offence. They are smirking at each other with that competitive glimmer in their eyes. They used to go here from time to time. Always challenging each other and placing stupid bets. Looser has to buy snacks and stuff like that. Maybe Woojin actually let Chan win because he liked treating him. Woojin's parents own one of the local stores and he has been officially helping out there part-time since he turned sixteen, so he was always one of the kids who actually had some spending money. But now neither of them will hold back.

"So how about we bet on it?", Chan suggests. It's just like in the old days. Expect that it isn't. Chan isn't awkwardly following around some guy he is crushing on. He is just hanging out with a friend from school. And that makes the whole situation so much more comfortable and enjoyable.

"You're on!"

 

They have been playing for maybe half an hour now. They moved on from the racing game, to some shooter and currently they are fighting each other in some streetfighter knock-off. Neither of them is really keeping score of who's currently winning or losing whatever competition they have started, but just for the record, Chan actually did win at that racing game. At least once. Conversation between games is coming easy. They mostly talk about university and stuff like that. Catching up and filling each other in with what they have been doing for the past year. But every now and then the topic changes to memories from school or what their classmates might be up to now. Apparently Woojin keeps up with a couple of them on Instagram or other social media. Or rather, he stalks them regularly, as he put it. He tells Chan that one of the girls who were in his class is three months pregnant and regularly posting pictures. The thought that other people his age are having kids makes Chan shudder and they change the topic to briefly wonder if that old guy that taught them math is going to retire any time soon.

They are in the second of three rounds, or two, if Chan wins this one as well, when a loud noise by the entrance rips through his focus and distracts him just long enough for Woojin to give him the final blow. He is about to complain how that wasn't fair at all when there is a second, even louder noise. A very obnoxious voice that Chan immediately recognises as Han Jisung.

"Hey, fancy meeting you here", he calls from across the room. A few people raise their heads to look for the source of the disturbance but most of them remain glued to their games. Chan turns around slowly. As if he could somehow prolong the inevitable. Jisung is standing at the entrance, grinning brightly. Felix is right next to him, holding onto his hand as if they were just on a date, strolling through the mall and happened to run into Chan here. But Chan is pretty sure that nothing of this is a coincidence. He made the mistake of informing them that he would be meeting up with Woojin today and now he has to bear the consequences. Changbin has tagged along as well, which is nothing unusual. Probably he just had nothing better to do, also he likes the arcade. But there is a fourth person in the group that Chan did not expect them to bring along. Minho is looking around the old arcade with curious eyes, taking in all the different machines and the blinking lights. Chan can't believe that stuff like that just keeps happening to him. Woojin, who is blissfully unaware of the absolute trainwreck of a situation they are in at the moment, cheerfully waves the others over.

"Hey, how are you guys doing? I'm so sorry that I missed your birthday party, but I think Seungmin was there to tell you happy birthday on my behalf?"

"Yeah, your brother was there, but you totally missed out on one hell of a party", Jisung says with a grin. Chan can't actually remember all too much about that party. Except for having several emotional conversations with his closest friends at the least appropriate times. And dancing with Minho. Speak of the devil, Woojin has noticed the stranger in the group as well.

"So, uhm, are you new here? I don't think I remember you from school", he says. Minho gives him a sweet smile. Chan has seen that face on him, it's the same one he puts on when he is serving drinks to customers. There is something kind of fake about it.

"Yeah, I'm Minho, I recently moved here, you must be Woojin, I heard about you."

"Oh, only good things I hope."

"Sure sure, hey sorry, I'd love to talk more but I actually always wanted to try out that thing." Minho points at something behind Woojin. All of them turn to follow the motion with their eyes. It's like they are five puppets on a string. The thing he always wanted to try that Minho is pointing at is one of the most modern games in the whole room.  _Dance Dance Revolution._ On good days, when the mall is frequented more and it's just around the time where all the kids that are coming straight from school go here to kill time, lines form in front of it that sometimes reach out to outside of the arcade. Right now there is no one waiting to play. They all turn back again. For some reason, Woojin is apparently still trying to make conversation. Because maybe that's just who he is.

"Ah, have you played before?", he asks. Minho shrugs, already making his way towards the machine, all eyes on him as he steps on and opens the menu.

"Only a couple of times", he mutters, not even bothering to turn around while he scrolls through the song selection until he arrives at one that he seems to like. Chan can't read it from where he is standing but apparently Jisung can. He whistles.

"Oh, that's a tough one."

This time Minho does turn around but only to flash the group that is standing and watching his every move a quick smile. "Oh, just a warm-up."

The countdown blinks on the screen and Minho gets into position. He's standing with his hands holding onto the red bar right behind him, his upper body kind of leaned back to put less weight onto his feet. Chan has seen some of the kids that go really insane on these machines stand like that. Or the ones that are trying to impress someone by acting cool. Within seconds it becomes very obvious into which of these two categories Minho belongs.

Chan has always been aware that Minho is a dancer. He has seen it in the way he carries himself, the way he taps his feet to the beat and nods his head while he mumbles along to the songs played in the café. Chan has always been aware that Minho is a dance but so far he was not aware that Minho can actually dance so well. Often times, when Chan is witness to one of the crazy DDR freaks going, all-out all they have to offer is speed. Speed and precision. They stomp their feet around, perfectly hitting every note and jumping around at a speed that seems so insanely fast that it should not be possible for a human to move like that. But there is no grace to it. It's impressive sure. But it's not the kind of thing that makes your jaw drop in awe. The way Minho moves, however, is unlike anything Chan has seen in that arcade before. His movements seem to belong on the big stage of a dance recital, not this dimly lit room that smells like sweaty teenagers and unfiltered air. Usually, when someone uses the DDR machine, all you hear is the stomping of their feet, mixed with the music and the machine occasionally announcing combos. But Minho moves silently. As if he is only gracing the panels with the tip of his toes as they light up. He hits them all. The screen shows one aggressively blinking  _perfect_ after the other, combos get called out so much that they almost distract from the song.  _Are you an alien?_ the computer voice asks at some point and honestly, Chan would very much like an answer to that one.

The whole thing only lasts for around a little more than a minute of stunned silence in which they are all watching Minho. When the song comes to an end the screen lights up in bright blue with  _clear_ written all over it. Minho turns around without looking at his score. They all stare at him in stunned silence while he just smirks.

"Only a little my ass, you totally practised that before", Jisung snorts, as the first one to say anything. Minho shrugs again.

"Maybe", he admits cheekily. The way he is leaning on that bar, one elbow propped onto it, hand under his chin and grinning at them looks almost challenging. As if he is waiting for someone else to step forward and try to beat him at this. Obviously no one dares to and after a moment he just gets down again.

"Well, that was fun", he muses. Woojin is eyeing him somewhat suspiciously at this point, as if he wants to say something but bites it back. Luckily, Felix steps in before the situation can actually become tense.

"Jisung, didn't you say you were going to kick Changbin's ass at air hockey?", he asks. Jisung's face immediately lights up and he grabs Changbin's arm and begins dragging him.

"Oh hell yes, I am so going to destroy him", he announces while he begins walking towards the other end of the room. Changbin tags along because he is forced to follow. He puts on a pained face but doesn't actually do anything to resist his captor.

"Well, I wouldn't want to miss that. It was nice meeting you, Woojin", Minho says. Customer service voice, polite smile. He nods at both Chan and Woojin quickly before he turns on his heel to follow the other two. Felix waves at Woojin before he jogs after his boyfriend. Once they are all out of earshot Chan turns to Woojin, an apology already on the tip of his tongue but he gets cut off before he can even open his mouth.

"Maybe you should go join them as well."

"But what about-", Chan begins, but Woojin cuts him off again.

"It's fine, I still have some stuff to do either so I was going to head back home soon either way. It was nice seeing you again", he smiles, already half turning around to walk away. A sudden surge of confidence overcomes Chan and he grabs Woojin's elbow to hold him back. There is a reason they met up today. And he's not going to let Woojin get out of this so easily.

"Hey, wait, there is something I want to know."

"What is it?", Woojin asks. He's stopped in the middle of moving to look at Chan with questioning eyes. The confidence he felt just a second ago is crumbling already. This was probably a terrible idea. But he still tries to stammer out the question he has been meaning to ask.

"Back when we... I mean, last summer... did you actually... you know..."

"Try to fuck another guy under the bleachers?", Woojin finishes the sentence for him rather harshly. Chan flinches slightly. He would have probably not worded it that way but yes, that was what he was going to ask. He only manages a small nod. Woojin sighs. "Would it change anything if I actually did? I mean, maybe I screwed up back then. But I thought that I made it clear that you were the only one I was interested in at the time. Sure, I probably never said it properly. I never asked you to be my boyfriend. But I thought it was still pretty obvious that we were exclusive. I was just scared back then. Hell, we both were. I just felt it wasn't safe to be out with you. And then this whole drama happened and people were starting to talk and you were starting to avoid me and... what does it even matter now? Does it change anything at all?"

"It probably doesn't." Chan knows that it doesn't. They are over. For good. He's not here to fix an old relationship. He has no plans to get back together with Woojin. And he doesn't hold any grudges or anything. It doesn't really matter anymore what happened back then. He already realised that the moment he saw Woojin. He has no romantic feelings left for Woojin. It's actually almost surprising how something that used to be so intense and overwhelming has just faded completely. But still... "I just... want to know, that's all. I think we should talk this out properly, we never really did."

"I didn't. I don't think anyone ever tried to do anything under those bleachers. I actually have proof that it's made up. You know the store my parent's own, right? Well, I think the kid that spread the rumours actually bought the condoms there himself. A couple of days before it happened my mom was ranting about a schoolboy buying condoms from her and she was so upset that apparently kids my age were having sex or whatever and then dad chimed in to say that at least they were using protection and it turned into this whole debate. Either way, so I guess that's what happened. I didn't really make the connection at the time. And even after I kind of figured it out, I didn't want to confront him about it. I didn't want to cause any more drama. Also maybe I was being selfish. You were distancing yourself either way and I thought that I could use the whole situation to smoothly break ties with you. I know it sounds dumb, but I was just so terrified of this falling back onto you. And you hating me for it. I was afraid of the rumours. Of people judging us. And I thought I could be some kind of martyr and save you from all that by taking the fall and stopping to talk to you and... yeah, I'm sorry."

They both stay quiet for a second. Chan realises that he still has his hand on Woojin's elbow and he quickly releases him and awkwardly pushes his hand into his pocket as if he doesn't know what to do with it now.

"I'm really sorry too", he says finally. He really is. But he's also aware that at this point apologizing is more of a formality. Neither of them holds a grudge. It's all over. Forgiven and forgotten. "I should have asked your side instead of just listening to the rumours. All I knew was that people were saying you made out with some guy and that it wasn't me and I just felt so betrayed and lied to. I know that I should have talked to you but I guess just believing the rumours was easier back then. I was scared too." He waits for a moment, not sure if Woojin might want to say something about this. Not sure if there is even anything else to say about it. Woojin remains quiet. Maybe that's for the best. "So I guess you're right. I don't think this changes anything now. But I'm glad we got to talk about it."

"Yeah, same here", Woojin answers. He's awkwardly shifting his weight back and forth and Chan can tell that he should probably not be keeping Woojin here any longer. It's obvious that he wants to leave. He clears his throat, it sounds a little forced. "I think I really should head back home though, you know, got stuff to do. And I think you're friends are waiting."

"They're idiots", Chan mutters. Woojin laughs.

"Aren't we all? Well, either way. Maybe I'll see you around? Is it okay if we keep in contact?"

"Of course, totally. It's always nice to talk to old friends."

"Great, I'll be going then. Also, Chan, good luck with him."

"W-what do you mean?"  _How do you know?!_

"Oh, I just know that look on your face. Tell the others it was nice to meet them." And this time Woojin really manages to get away before Chan can say anything else. He stands there for a moment, completely dumbfounded. Then he turns around to walk towards his friends who have grouped themselves around the air hockey table.

Jisung is smashing the puck around so aggressively that it might just jump off the table and hit someone in the face which is probably why the small group of curious onlookers that have gathered around them are watching with a bit of safety distance. Changbin, who usually seems all calm and maybe even sleepy, is also going all out for once. It's fast and aggressive and, for the most part, a little bit horrifying. They look as if they are about to jump on that table to strangle each other. Minho is busy taking pictures with his phone and giggling into his fist in between cheering on both of them at the same time. Felix is standing a little bit behind Jisung but he only watches the match with mild interest. So he is also the first one to notice Chan. And when he does he immediately pulls him aside.

"Did you see that just now?", he asks very urgently. Chan looks over to the air hockey table to make sure he hasn't missed either of them scoring a point with some kind of dramatic move. Felix shakes his head. "Not  _that._ I'm talking about Minho."

"What about him?", Chan asks, lowering his voice instinctively because Minho is literally  _right there_ and could probably overhear everything. He hates how defensive his voice sounds. But at this point, he is just so used to having to defend himself whenever the topic is brought up. Because apparently it is oh so obvious that he is into him. Obvious enough that even a guy he hasn't seen in maybe a year can tell instantly.

"Don't play dumb. Even you have to admit that he was totally ready to pick a fight with Woojin to impress you. Did you see him step on that DDR machine? That was a total declaration of war. He was ready to fight Woojin and all the other of your seven evil exes right then and there."

"Seven evil what now? Felix, what are you even talking about?"

"Ugh, come one", Felix rolls his eyes as if Chan is the dumb one in this situation for not understanding what is probably another reference to some obscure anime or cartoon or whatever that he has never even heard of. "All I'm saying is that I think he did it to impress you. You know, establish dominance. Like T-posing to intimidate other boys that might be into you. Mark his territory. You know."

"No, I don't know. Tea what now? Felix can you please talk Korean to me? Or English if you have to. Just use words that I can understand, I am begging you."

"He's into you, oh my god. How are you so dense? He likes you. Minho. Likes. You. Listen, I know you're going to deny it or whatever, but I've been there and I have done the dumb mutual pining bullshit and all I'm asking is that you just go up and honestly tell him that you like him because I really believe that you've got a chance."

Chan opens his mouth to reply something to that but he is cut off by loud screaming and hollering behind him. Apparently either Jisung or Changbin has scored a point. Judging by the volume of Jisung's yelling it was probably him. Felix is peering over at the table quickly before he turns back to look at Chan.

 "Look, just think about it, okay?", he mutters before he turns around to jump on his boyfriends back to congratulate him for his amazing play. And once again Chan is left behind dumbfounded.


	11. Date Mate Applications Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which chan has horrible friends, Changbin finally snaps and an existential conversation about life and endless summer happens.

"So, how are things going with Minho and you?", Felix asks the second Chan settles down on his usual place. He did not even have time for a greeting and he is already being attacked with that again. But well, after what happened yesterday he didn't really expect anything else. He should probably consider himself lucky that Felix even waited so long with his next attack instead of just continuing to pester him about it all day after giving him that sorta pep talk about killing ex-boyfriends or whatever. But still, Chan was hoping that maybe he'd be left alone for at least a bit. One normal day, that's all he's asking for. But apparently that is already considered too much.

"Oh yeah, wasn't he acting super strange yesterday?", Jisung chimes in right away as if he had just been waiting for his cue. He probably was. At this point, Chan is pretty much convinced that these two script and prepare these conversations in advance to torture Chan. Or maybe someone up there just has it out for him. Some awful author of destiny who decides to put him into one frustrating situation after the other. Yeah, the universe definitely hates him. Sadly, this realisation does not change anything about the situation. He still has to answer his friends.

"No idea what you guys are talking about", Chan mutters while getting comfortable in his chair. Felix frowns at him but to Chan's surprise, the boy does not further comment on it. Even though he could use this to repeat what he said yesterday and open the discussion about his observations up to the group. But maybe he has decided that this should really stay between them. Something Chan is grateful for. But just because Felix decides to leave it at that, for now, doesn't mean Jisung has to go along with that decision.

"Don't try to worm your way out of this situation. He was acting totally weird at the arcade yesterday. I mean, damn, he went hard at that DDR game. And he was totally confrontational with Woojin or whatever. I think he was trying to impress you or something." Jisung shares his observations with a very serious face as if he is once again ready to present evidence in some important case. But at least this time he does it without all the yelling and slamming his hands down on the table. It would probably not be as funny for them if they actually did it every time so they have to save it for special occasions only. Chan would not mind if they never did that again to be completely honest, but he knows that his friends are idiots and probably won't do him that favour.

"Yeah, and he totally avoided me after that", Chan says defensively. Jisung rolls his eyes in the most dramatic way he possibly could and Chan is almost surprised that his eyes are not yet stuck at some odd angle with how often Jisung has been rolling his eyes at him over the course of the past week or so. Now that he's thinking about that, time seems to be passing fast. It can't have been more than maybe a week or two until Minho first stumbled into them playing DnD down here. It practically feels like yesterday. And yet so much has happened in this time. Summer is ending soon. And Chan is wasting away his time denying a crush on a boy he has only talked to at a handful of occasions. But in retrospect, these few times feel like more than a handful of occasions where they have run into each other. He basically knows half of Minho's life story. But he hasn't managed to ask him what his favourite colour is. Or what kind of music he is listening to in his head when he is tapping his feet on the ground.

"Sure, he was avoiding you and not the other way around", Jisung scowls, snapping Chan out of his thoughts. Well, maybe he has a point. After that talk with Felix Chan did his best to avoid confrontation with Minho. When they were playing games as a group Chan purposely picked the opposite team as the one Minho was one or volunteered to sit out two on two games so that Jisung and Felix could compete against Changbin and Minho while he was watching his friends have fun together from the sidelines. He even made sure there was always at least one other person standing or walking between Minho and him as they moved through the arcade and mall. But it's not as if Minho made this particularly hard for him. He seemed very much content not approaching Chan on his own either. And if he really went through all of that trouble of pulling that DDR stunt just to impress Chan, why would he stop there? To Chan, this pretty much proves that Minho can't be that interested after all. Probably he just wanted to show off his awesome dancing. Brag about how good he is at DDR. And rightfully so. But it had nothing to do with establishing dominance or impressing Chan specifically or whatever Felix came up with. That boy just watches too much romance anime. Still, Chan's defence doesn't seem to be working against Jisung at the moment. So it's time for a change of plans. Maybe offence really is the best defence sometimes.

"Well, I do have a date planned with him", Chan announces, before he can even remotely start to realise the avalanche he is kicking loose with this. Jisung's jaw pretty much drops on the table and Felix literally almost falls off but manages to grab hold of Jisung's shoulder. Changbin peeks up from his phone for a second.

"Oh, so did you manage to actually make it a real date yet?", he asks. Jisung and Felix snap their heads around almost perfectly synchronised. With how Jisung is sitting he has to turn his neck an almost impossible angle to stare at Changbin instead of Chan and it makes him look a bit like an owl rotating its head around. The way his eyes are open wide only adds to that image. It's a little bit funny and for once Chan actually has the luxury to be amused since he is no longer the target of Jisung's attention. At least for the moment.

"You  _knew_ about this?", Jisung asks, sounding absolutely outraged and baffled at the same time. Changbin barely reacts to that. He just stares at Jisung for a moment like he is staring into the camera on The Office.

"Chan told me something about a date the other day. If you hadn't been late, as usual, you wouldn't have missed it", he replies dryly. Jisung gasps loudly and for once Chan can't tell if he is being overdramatic on purpose or if that was a genuine dramatic gasp. Not that the distinction really matters at this point.

"You knew and you didn't tell me? You just held back this important information? What else do you know about that you are hiding from the group?"

"I just thought it wasn't that important", Changbin shrugs and goes right back to reading. Chan admires him for his cool. He would have probably lost patience with this group long ago and since Changbin is neither interested nor involved in the 'drama' currently going on it's a small miracle that he still just sits and endures it all. It's an even bigger miracle that Jisung lets him be. Maybe because he knows that he won't get any sort of reaction out of Changbin. But that also means that he is now turning back around to Chan to accusingly point a finger at him.

"He  _knew_ but I didn't?", he asks, sounding absolutely offended. Chan tries to follow Changbin's example and just shrug it off but Jisung is having none of that. His slightly offended expression turns into a full-on scowl and Chan knows he has to act fast before he gets wrapped up in even more shenanigans. So he does what he does... well not best but at least okay. Decently. Maybe. Either way, it's time for damage control.

"He just invited me over to his place to introduce me to his cats, that's barely a  _date_. Also, we haven't really settled on a time yet and maybe he's already forgotten. But we have a date. In theory." Chan ends his explanation with another shrug because maybe acting all casual about it will get Jisung to calm down as well. Of course, it doesn't.

"He asked you to come over to his place?!", he practically yells at Chan. A few droplets of spit fly onto Chan's sleeve and he wipes them away in disgust. Jisung doesn't even bother with an apology.

"It's no big deal", Chan mutters. He attempts the shrug once again because maybe third time is the charm and this one will actually get Jisung to shut up. It doesn't.

"Well, I think it should be a big deal", Jisung announces. Before Chan can say anything to his defence, Felix, who has been suspiciously silent for the past few minutes, chimes in in support of his boyfriend.

"Why don't you just go upstairs and ask him right now? He's working today, right? I saw him when I came in."

"That's a great idea!", Jisung exclaims before Chan can say what a horrible idea that is. Jisung is so ecstatic that he has already jumped up from his chair and moved around the table to grab Chan's hands to try and pull him out of his chair. Chan uses his full weight to struggle against Jisung.

"Jisung, I really think that now is not the right time for this", Chan tries to reason with his friend. Of course to no avail, as Jisung just keeps pulling on his arm until he suddenly lets go almost causing Chan to fall over backwards.

"Well, if you're not going to ask him I'll just do it for you", he announces.

"Jisung no", Chan jumps up to catch his friend before he can make it to the door to run upstairs and bother Minho while he's at work. Jisung opens his mouth, probably for some stupid reply like  _Jisung, yes_  when the most unexpected voice of reason speaks up.

"Can you guys just drop it now? I'm getting really tired of this." Changbin has put down his phone on the table to glare at Jisung at his full capacity. Jisung immediately goes back to his seat like a dog that got scolded by its owner. Untypically for him, the boy sits down without a further word of protest. It happens rarely that Changbin ever actually gets upset. He endures a lot of them messing around. And for the most part, he might be looking like he is suffering through it but he's actually enjoying the mess from the sidelines. But right now he looks actually irritated. "Do I have to remind you guys that summer is almost over? Chan only has a couple of weeks to spend here and we planned to do as much stuff together as we possibly could. I remember how you guys were excited and making all these plans and now look at you. All you're doing is teasing him about some boy he just met. If he doesn't want to then let him be. Can we stop playing wingman and go back to playing DnD please?"

Silence. Then, the unthinkable happens.

"Sorry, I guess I just got a little overexcited", Jisung mumbles with his head lowered. Changbin's expression softens instantly.

"I'm sorry too, guess I kind of snapped... I just want us all to enjoy this summer. Might be the last one we get like this."

"Damn, Changbin, that's depressing", Felix laughs but it sounds a little forced. For another moment all of them are awkwardly quiet. And as so often it is up to Chan to do something about this. He slams his hands on the table softly.

"Well, does anyone remember where we last left off playing? Jisung, I'm sure you took some notes and would love to bring everyone back up to speed."

"Huh?", Jisung is so taken aback by the sudden change of conversation that he doesn't even bother to attempt pulling out his fake notes and brag about how he totally has it all figured out like he usually does when Chan tries to call him out. Felix snickers softly because he enjoys it when he isn't the one being called out for his lack of preparation for once. Changbin rolls his eyes and pulls out his neat little notebook in which he keeps track of the game and places it in front of himself.

"I really have to do everything myself", he mutters in his usual annoyed tone. Which means that he isn't annoyed the tiniest bit.

 

They chase each other up the stairs later that day. Jisung is leading ahead of everyone else and Chan is doing his best to catch up, almost stumbling over the stairs. Changbin is the only one to walk at a normal pace so they have left him behind right from the get-go. Jisung got an unfair early start and he even had the audacity to turn off the light before he started running. Chan tried to fumble around with the light switch for a couple of seconds before giving up and starting to chase Jisung. Since Jisung has been living here his own life and has probably run these stairs up and down ever since his parents couldn't hold him back anymore he clearly has an unfair advantage here. When Chan is about halfway up the stairs the light switches back on again. Probably thanks to Changbin's doing. But it's still not enough to help him catch up to Jisung. By the time Chan has reached the door into the shop Jisung has already burst through it. Chan follows right after to see a few heads already turned towards the door and staring at Jisung. The expressions range from slightly amused to irritated. Most of the loyal customers turn right back to their coffee, already used to the wild antics of the owner's son and no longer bothered by Jisung's behaviour. The few tourists or others who are not yet accustomed to Jisung just bursting through a door at any given time stare for a moment longer but eventually turn back to their conversation as well. Jisung's mother is the only one who keeps her eyes on her son.

"Is Minho still here?", Jisung asks her before she can even get a word in and scold him for running on the stairs like this. She looks a little surprised but then quickly shakes her head.

"His shift ended at four, I already sent him home. Why? Don't tell me that boy went home without his clothes again", Jisung's mother frowns a little bit as she speaks. Chan is missing some context on that statement but regardless it's enough to make him blush even though he is sure that he is misunderstanding. He must be misunderstanding. This is probably just about Minho leaving his jacket here. It has to be.

"No, I wanted to ask him something... is he working tomorrow?", Jisung has stepped up to the counter by now so he doesn't have to yell the conversation across the whole store but he's still talking loud enough for any customer in the shop to listen in. Jisung's mother grabs a small calendar from the pocket of her apron. Chan is convinced that this apron is actually bewitched or something. He has seen Jisung's mother pull so many things out of there, even some that seem to be way too big to fit in their logically. And she always manages to grab hold of the exact thing she needs in that moment. As if she always carries around everything that might come in handy. She flips through the pages of her calender for a moment before she looks at her son again.

"He's doing the afternoon shift tomorrow, but I guess if it's important you could just send him a text message, right? If I remember correctly you guys did switch numbers, didn't you?"

"Yeah... thanks, Mom", Jisung mutters. Either he is not trying to hide his disappointment at all or he is just very bad at it. But it's very clear that he is upset about the missed opportunity to start some new drama. Jisung's mother gives her son a weird look but is distracted by the bell above the entrance announcing a new customer.

"No problem sweetie", she quickly says into Jisung's direction before she turns to greet the couple that just walked into the shop and take their orders. Jisung walks back over to the rest of his friends. By now Felix and Changbin have also made their way up the stairs and they have lined up in a sort of half-circle next to Chan. Jisung is strolling over with a wide grin on his face.

"Well, you've got time until tomorrow afternoon to ask Minho about that date or I'll do it for you", he says. At least he has the decency to lower his voice a little instead of announcing this to the whole store. Chan doesn't even try to defend himself. He knows that it is pointless. Once Jisung has set his mind on something there is no stopping him. He is inevitable.

"Yeah sure, I'll ask him", Chan mutters in defeat. Jisung gives him a beaming smile in response.

"I can even give you his number if you want to", he offers with that stupid, shit-eating grin. But for once Chan actually has a response to that.

"Oh thanks, but I already have that. So I'll be on my way." And before Jisung can reply anything stupid Chan is out of the door. At least for once, he has managed that dramatic exit he always wanted to make.

 

Changbin catches up with Chan around the corner from the store. Apparently Felix and Jisung aren't coming, otherwise they would have caught him right after he was out of the door. So Felix is probably staying with Jisung. But Changbin is headed home. Chan slows down his steps immideatly to match his walking speed to Changbin's while the shorter boy does his best to catch up and close the distance.

"Thanks for having my back earlier", Chan mutters, once Changbin is close enough to talk to comfortably without having to awkwardly raise his voice or something like that. Changbin shrugs it off.

"It was mostly for selfish reasons if I'm being honest", he doesn't look up as he is talking. Instead, he focuses on a discarded soda can someone has left on the boardwalk. He gives it a gentle kick with his left foot, making it roll for a bit until it gets stuck on a stone a couple of steps ahead. Once they catch up he gives it another gentle kick. Rinse and repeat. "You know, I was really looking forward to this summer. All of us together again like the old times and all that. But now Jisung and Felix are dating and they have nothing better to do than trying to hook you up with this other random guy and maybe I'm just afraid of getting left behind, you know?"

Chan is not sure if Changbin is expecting some response from him or if he is just taking a small talking break to give his can another kick, so he just makes some sort of affirming hum, hoping that Changbin will continue to fill the silence. Changbin nods as if he is satisfied with Chan's small sound before he continues.

"I'm really happy for them, I already told you that. And I guess if you really got together with Minho or whatever I'd be happy for you as well. It's just that things are changing and I think I need some more time to adjust to that. It's weird to think that it won't always be the four of us, ride or die for all of our lives or whatever it was that we used to say. It kind of sucks that summer can't last forever."

Changbin gives the can one final kick, a little more forceful than the previous ones, and sends it flying into the bushes. He stares after it for a moment, as if he is considering whether to go get it or not but then continues walking with his hands stuffed into the pockets of the light grey jacket he is wearing. Now it's Chan's turn to fill the silence.

"Yeah, but summer comes every year", he says. He tries to make it sound like the very deep and thoughtful statement that it's supposed to be. But actually it's a very simple observation. One that he has also come to a while ago in a sleepless night. Even before he returned back home. It happened while he was packing actually. When he realised that he was going back to the place where he grew up without actually going home. He would be a guest in his own home. He would sleep in his bed, but it would no longer truly feel like his. Because he has a different home in Seoul, in a tiny room in the student dormitory with a bed that creaks when he sits down and a mattress that is a little too hard to be comfortable but not uncomfortable enough for Chan to bother with getting a different one. It's the same, but it feels different. And yet it's still Chan's hometown he is returning to. It's still his family, his bed, his room, his friends that he is meeting with. And he can return there whenever he wants. And it'll feel different but still be the same thing regardless. And summer will be just like that from now on. He will come back here together with the wave of tourists that want to go somewhere different and spend some sunny days at the beach. And maybe he won't truly feel at home here, but he'll still recognise the people working on the market that used to give him candy when he was shopping with his mother early in the morning. He'll still know all the little hidden places that you only really discover when you have all the time and boredom of spending your childhood in a small town with not much to do except explore. And he'll still walk Changbin to the same bus station that they are walking towards right now. Changbin pulls up his shoulders a little as he presses his arms tighter to his side.

"Stop sounding like a damn philosopher", he grumbles. His head is lowered, eyes focused on the tips of his shoes, but Chan can still see the tiny smile spreading on his face. He chuckles.

"Sorry, didn't mean to go all existential on you", Chan mutters in response. There is another moment of silence. They are almost at the bust stop when Changbin asks: "So, what are you going to do about Minho?"

Chan shrugs.

"Guess I'll die."

"Maybe just try to ask him on that date instead", Changbin snorts. Chan laughs again. It feels freeing to joke around with Changbin like that. And maybe it can really be like that for forever, no matter how much else changes.

"Yeah, that's my plan B."

 


	12. kiss the boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they pet kitties, Chan panics and a kiss doesn't happen.
> 
> Alternatively titled: dewdrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

_so have you asked minho out on a date yet???_

Chan throws his phone across the room after reading the text Jisung just sent him. At this point, he is not sure why he even bothered checking. Or why Jisung even bothers asking. He should know that Chan hasn't made any move since the last time they spoke – which was also just a few hours ago by the way. Chan has gotten as far as opening his chat with Minho and staring at the keys on his message board. He has managed to come this far a total of twelve times now, each with a little less hyping up than the attempt coming before it. But he hasn't actually managed to type a message. Or rather, type a message that he would actually feel confident sending. He has managed a couple of drafts during his last few attempts. Last time he even got as far as typing  _hey, I was wondering_ before he decided that it was probably better to just delete it all, close the chat again and stare at his wall for another five minutes or so. Not really his idea of a fun night in but it does help killing time. Maybe by midnight, he will actually have a full text together that he then won't send.

Chan's phone makes a sound signalling a new message and he picks himself up from the ground dreadfully slowly to walk up to his bed and try to find the phone that has been basically swallowed by the lump of blanket that is lying bunched up in the corner of the bed that he has thrown the phone at. He manages to find it by the time the screen lights up with another notification. He unlocks with his fingerprint and presses the notifications. His lock screen – a picture of the beach at sunset that he took himself ages ago – fades away to make room for a chat window. Two more texts from Jisung. Chan sighs as he reads over them quickly.

_just in case i was totally serious about asking him for you_

_i won't hesitate... bitch_

Chan stares at his phone with a blank expression until the screen begins to darken, signalling that even his phone is becoming impatient with his lack of activity. Right after the screen finally turns dark Chan uses his fingerprint to unlock it once more so he can send a reply to Jisung.

 _Respect your elders, Jisung_ he types and presses send without a moment of consideration. Chan quickly switches into aeroplane mode after the text is out. Not because he's afraid of what Jisung might answer – it'll probably just be something really dumb like  _*bitch-hyung –_  but since he is not going to send that text to Minho either way, he might as well at least get some peace and quiet for a while.

For a bit, Chan ponders the idea of going out. Taking another nightly stroll along the beach. But he doesn't even feel like doing that. Maybe that should be alarming to him, but at the moment he just doesn't really want to do anything. He's tired. The kind of tired where he does not necessarily want to go to sleep either, but he might as well because there is nothing he really feels like doing. And sleeping is maybe the easiest option when you have nothing else you want to do and no energy to motivate yourself to even try getting active again.

So Chan climbs into bed, the same bed he has slept in for at least fifteen years now, and stares up at the ceiling. He used to have stars stuck on his ceiling when he was a kid. That was in a different home though. He put them up with the help of his father when he was seven and he had them up there until he turned thirteen. Or maybe fourteen. Peeling them off again took at least twice as much time as putting them up and in some cases the double-sided tape his father used to fix them to the ceiling didn't fully peel off, leaving Chan's ceiling with a few spots of tape sticking to it that stayed there until they renovated before moving out. This experience may have partially contributed to Chan's aversion to sticky stuff. As a child, he used to be obsessed with stickers and he put them pretty much everywhere. He's sure that there might be some residue of cartoon stickers on his bedframe that he put on there when he was six and his grandmother got him this really amazing sticker set for his birthday. Putting stickers on everything was fun, but peeling them off again is hell. And you are going to peel them off. People who can place stickers on stuff without hesitation are either naive or really have their life together. Because you can't peel it off without ruining it. So either stick it somewhere where you are never going to want to take it off, or never stick it anywhere. After peeling off the stars from his ceiling Chan has turned into the kind of person to just never stick anything anywhere. Because who knows when he'll want to tear it off again.

 

Chan must have fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of his internal philosophical rant about stickers or whatever because the next time he opens his eyes there are still no stars on his ceiling but rays of sunlight shining in through the window. Chan rolls over and reaches for his phone without thinking about it. He has to squint at the screen for a bit before he can actually identify the time displayed there and then forgets it as soon as he turns his phone off again. His brain feels mushy. As if he either didn't sleep at all or slept for ten hours straight. If he could remember the time and do the math he'd be able to figure it out. But that's way too bothersome. So instead he just rolls over and closes his eyes again for a moment before he suddenly jolts into an upright position while fumbling for his phone. He checks the time again. And then once more just to make sure.

There is no way it's nearly eleven already, right? Right?

But apparently it is though. Time is cruel and always on the move and Chan has a little less than five hours left to figure out the dating situation. He knows that Minho's shift should be starting at four in the afternoon if he's covering the late shift. And Jisung will probably catch him the second he walks through the door. Five hours left to ask one simple question. Can't be that hard, right?

The first thing Chan does is turn his phone on again to switch off aeroplane mode. About ten notifications pop up at the same time. Most of them he clears away without even looking. A twitter notification, a timer for a youtube premier of some gaming channel he follows, a text message from Jisung. Nothing really important or worth looking at.

After that he spends maybe five minutes or so just staring at his screen, every time it begins to fade and turn darker he taps it briefly to make sure it stays turned on but despite that he does nothing. After mentally going through twenty different conversation starters and not liking a single one of them Chan decides that he'll shower and get dressed first. That can only take him maybe fifteen minutes but it'll help him get a clear head and figure out how to do this thing.

Fifteen minutes turn into a little over an hour because Chan spends way too much time just standing under the shower and staring at the steam rising and fogging up everything. When he finally steps out his skin is red and water is running down the mirrors like raindrops on the window after a rain shower. He makes sure to open the window before he leaves. Right then his mother catches him in the hallway as if she had been pacing up and down just waiting for him to get out of the shower to offer him some – at this point fairly overdue – breakfast. And because one does not simply turn down food from their mother Chan agrees to let her drag him into the kitchen where he sits for maybe half an hour nursing a glass of orange juice and mindlessly chewing his food while his father flips through the newspaper and every so often makes a comment about local politics or climate change that no one replies to.

The next time Chan looks at his phone it's a little past noon. Two new messages from Jisung and still no concrete plan about asking Minho out on a date. Chan aims to swipe away the notification about the messages from Jisung but accidentally taps on the twitter notification right underneath that. And then he just kind of ends up accidentally scrolling through twitter for about an hour. And then his youtube feed. And then twitter again. Repeat ad nauseam.

By the time Chan realises how much time has passed it has almost run out. Suddenly there is half an hour left to four. And he has no idea how to go about texting Minho still. A jolt of panic-induced energy goes through Chan's entire body and sends him to his feet before he even knows what he is doing. Suddenly he is running around in circles, gathering all of his stuff and then sprinting out of his room. He runs past his mother and almost stumbles over his own shoes when he turns over his shoulder to tell her that he's going to head out to meet up with the boys. She looks a little bit startled but still gives him a sweet smile.

"Will you be home in time for dinner?", she asks while watching he son struggle to get into his sneakers. Chan attempts a shrug that probably looks a little bit off due to him still being half bowed down and with his shoelaces in hand.

"I'll text you when I'm on my way back", he mutters. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see his mother roll her eyes.

"Take a jacket with you if you're staying out late. The nights are starting to get colder now, also the forecast announced rain for tonight", she says, already taking one of Chan's jackets off the hook to hand it to him. He grabs it once he is done with his shoelaces and quickly gives his mother the ghost of a hug, hand barely touching her shoulder when he is already pulling back again, before he storms out of the door. Twenty minutes left until disaster.

 

Chan spots Minho in front of the door to the café while he's jogging down the road, he speeds up his steps from a jog to a half sprint and raises one of his arms, even though Minho hasn't noticed him yet nor is he even looking in his direction.

"Hey, Minho", Chan calls out to attract the attention of the other boy. Minho stops with his hand already on the door handle of the shop and turns to where he must have heard what sounded like a maniac screaming his name. He pulls his hand away from the door handle and instead places it above his eyes to offer some shade and protection from the harsh sunlight. There's not a cloud in the sky, so much for the forecast predicting rain. Once Minho has apparently recognised Chan, he uses his free hand to wave back at him. He takes a step away from the door, probably to not block it in case a customer comes through. But that means the crisis is averted. At least for now. Chan slows down his steps a little to draw out what little time he still has left.

"Are you running late for the dungeon meeting or something?", Minho asks once Chan is close enough for them to talk comfortably. There is a hint of laughter colouring the tone of his voice. Like the entrance bell of the shop chiming and mixing in with all the other noise inside. That alone is enough to bring Chan out of concept for a bit. But he has something he needs to do. And even though he has no clear attack plan for this strategic manoeuvre it has to happen now. Or it won't ever happen at all.

"No. Well, maybe a little. But actually there was something I wanted to ask you. Might be kind of weird but... yeah." Good start, kind of fell through in the middle. Minho is looking at Chan somewhat suspiciously. Then again, the way he has his head slightly tilted to the side and his eyebrows raised could also be interpreted as curiosity. The look of a stray cat carefully approaching the held out hand of someone wanting to pet it. Just like a cat would sniff the hand for a while before deciding whether or not to trust that person Minho seems to be weighing the options in his head. Finally, he takes another step away from the door and towards Chan.

"Yeah, what's this about?", he asks. He's standing a little closer than he would have to for this conversation. Usually, Chan would feel uncomfortable about someone invading his space like this, but right now it only makes him flustered. They are almost close enough for the tips of their shoes to be touching because Minho is kind of leaning back on one leg while putting his other foot down right in front of Chan. Half stepping up to him, half leaning away. Intimidating and yet it also feels like a reward. Just like earning the trust and affection of a stray kitten makes your chest swell with pride because that precious little animal has chosen your hand to rub its fluffy little head against.

"So, this might sound awkward, but remember how you offered to introduce me to your kittens the other day? I'm not even sure if you were serious but I thought we could actually make that happen. Maybe not just the kittens, you know, take a little stroll on the beach together, maybe grab something to eat or whatever on the way, make it a real d- hangout", Chan almost stumbles over his words and accidentally says what he means for once. But he manages to elegantly save the situation and cover it up with half-truths. The slight confusion on Minho's face quickly turns into a somewhat lopsided smile. The sun coming out from behind the clouds.

"Of course, I'd gladly introduce you to my children. How about today after my shift is over? I gotta work until eight though, but if you want to stick around for that long we could walk home together after that."

"Yeah sure, I'll be hanging around either way."

"Great, so it's a date."

"Sure thing." Chan nods at the same time as Minho does. For another moment they awkwardly stand in front of each other until Minho apparently suddenly realises that he is actually here because he has work to do. He reaches for the door handle the same moment that Chan stretches out his hand to do the same. Their hands brush mid-air and both of them pull-back instantly. Minho chuckles and gives Chan that eye-wiggle look as if he is about to play it down with a stupid joke that never actually leaves his mouth because Chan's confused brain just goes into rewind mode and he reaches for the door again, this time actually getting to the handle without his and Minho's hands crossing paths.

"After you", he mumbles shyly, holding the door open with one hand and gesturing for Minho to go inside with the other. The boy follows the offer after a second of confused hesitation. The doorbell has already alerted Jisung who has probably been lurking around in the store like some kind of feral beast waiting for its prey. Chan sees him when he follows right after Minho. He sees the hesitation on Jisung's face once the boy notices that Chan and Minho are coming in together. And maybe that is what gives Chan the energy to be a little bit bolder than he would normally be. Just for once he wants to completely wipe that stupid grin off of Jisung's face.

"Well, I'll be seeing you later", he says to Minho before he turns to walk towards Jisung as casually as he can. Minho only gives him a quick hum in response, already half absorbed in getting ready for work. Jisung's mouth has been hanging open for the last minute and Chan actually reaches out his own hand and places it under Jisung's chin to close his mouth for him.

"Don't act so surprised, I only did what you told me to do", he whispers, just loud enough for Jisung to hear. For once Jisung actually doesn't have a witty response to that. It's incredibly satisfying to see him so dumbfounded. Chan walks towards the door leading to the basement in high spirits. Today is going to be his day, he can practically feel it. Like something hanging in the air, so real that he could almost reach out his hand and grab it. Luck is dangling in front of his face as if it's suspended by a thread from the ceiling.

It's hanging on an incredibly thin thread though.

 

Chan is definitely not having a great time. The minutes are ticking away slowly, like sand running through an hourglass. Except that the sand it wet and therefore clots together and sometimes just gets stuck entirely. Time is moving slowly like syrup. Thick and almost doughy. The last few drops of it are stuck on the bottom of the bottle and no matter how hard you shake it you can't get them out. And even if you keep holding it upside down, the opening pointing into your glass, ready to catch the remaining sweet goodness it only comes out one drop at a time. Agonizingly slow.

The campaign is barely moving forward. The party has finally made it up the hill and into the cursed castle where they are supposed to encounter the vampire. The final battle they have been working up to for god knows how long. But instead of marching into battle Chan's friends spend way too much time investigating every nook and cranny of their new environment.

"Can I roll to investigate the bed?", Felix asks. His face is all screwed up as if he is trying to think really hard about what else is in this room that Chan has described to them about half an hour ago that he could be using as some sort of hiding place for treasure. There is no treasure hidden in this room. No hidden traps or anything like that either. But if any of them makes too high of a roll he might have to come up with something interesting for them to discover on the spot. He keeps a couple of backup items and such for occasions like these, but so far none of his friends has rolled a perception check higher than twelve. This hardly merits any interesting finds. But they still keep trying.

"If you must", Chan sighs. Felix gleefully grabs his dice, he is using the new set Chan got him for his birthday recently and on any other occasion, Chan would maybe coo a little over how carefully Felix handles them. Usually, he just lets his dice fall onto the table but with the new ones he kind of lets them tumble out of the flat palm of his hand and onto the polished hardwood surface. As if they are made of precious glass that could break if handled too roughly.

"Seven... Oh no, nine, forgot to add my Perception to that", Felix mumbles. He sounds a little disappointed. Even with his bonus that is hardly enough for some kind of great discovery. Chan sighs again.

"It's just a normal bed", he states in the most deadpan matter.

"Have you checked underneath it though?", Jisung chimes in. "Do I need to roll to check under the bed?", he asks, this time looking directly at Chan.

"You pull away the covers and take a good look underneath the bed. All you find is some dust. You even kneel down and try to reach your hand underneath but there is nothing there. When you get up again you have some dirt on your pants."

"Ew, disgusting, I'll have to burn them once this is over", Jisung mutters. At least he doesn't seem to keen on further investigation of the bed. For a moment Chan almost thinks that they can move on now, but then Changbin suddenly looks up from his notes.

"Can we get back to that wardrobe real quick? You said there was a mirror? What the hell does a vampire need a mirror for?"

Chan takes a deep breath. About two more hours of this until Minho's shift ends. Time is ticking away slowly. Agonizingly slow.

 

Chan stands by and watches as Minho finishes his shift. One last sweep of the counter before he goes to gather his things and hangs up his apron in the backroom. And Chan's friends stand by and watch how he watches Minho. Of course, they are keeping a bit of distance but that does not make it any less suspicious how they are standing by a table and furiously whisper to each other. At least Changbin did have the decency to leave early, but with how Felix is tapping on his phone Chan is almost certain that he is sending him a live ticker of the events. Not that Changbin particularly cares about that, but he has no other choice than being spammed by Felix. That's probably why Felix does the spamming. Changbin would not hesitate to block Jisung for a couple of hours. He has done it before and he would do it again.

"Well, I'm done here, so if you want to get out of this place...", Minho speaks up. He leaves the end of the sentence hanging in the air. It's like a physical object floating between them. A bubble that Chan is about to pop with his reply. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers Jisung punching Felix's shoulder repeatedly while whisper-yelling into his boyfriend's ear.

"Yeah, sure", he mutters. Minho smiles at him. A kind of kitty smile where the corners of his lips curl upwards a little as if their sole purpose is to make Chan's heart flutter.  _Oh, look at me... I am Lee Minho, I have perfect bone structure and kind eyes. Go fuck yourself Lee Minho._

"Then let's go."

 

Minho suggests they get some sort of snack on their way back because it's late already so his mother probably already had dinner without him and Chan agrees right away. The usual fast-food stalls near the shore are about to close down for the day when they get there but they still manage to each buy a hotdog from a friendly old lady who is very gracious with the sauces and wishes them a fun night while she hands over their food. Before Chan can even get out his wallet Minho has already paid for him. Chan tries to get Minho to accept the money from him but he just shrugs it off and then goes on to mock Chan for his hotdog preferences for a good minute. Finally, Chan gives in and joins the banter about whether or not pickles actually belong on hot dogs which somehow turns into a full discourse about whether or not they are sandwiches. Chan is vehemently against this notion but Minho argues passionatly until Chan asks if by that logic one could also argue that ketchup is a smoothie. That makes Minho quiet down for a moment, while he apparently seriously ponders this new possibility.

"You know, it's kind of weird though", Minho begins thoughtfully and Chan turns to look at him. His voice is sounding a little too dreamy to still be talking about ketchup smoothies or hot dog sandwiches. He's staring somewhere into the distance again, as if his mind is somewhere else. "This whole setting kind of looks like the perfect place for like these really old street food stalls that sell you all the traditional stuff. The whole nostalgia flavour. You know, like these old-fashioned sugar cakes. Ppopgi? There was an old lady down the road in my old neighbourhood that sold them. As a kid, I used to save up my pocket money and always carry around change so I could get some after school together with friends. We always made a huge challenge out of eating them without breaking the design cause she'd actually give us another one for free if we did it. I actually managed to twice in a row, back then that felt like the most amazing day of my life. Well, either way, it feels kind of odd that instead of stuff like that they sell soggy hot dogs and mushy fries." Chan observes Minho while he is rambling on about his childhood and it instantly makes him smile. He likes hearing about the obscure little things that shaped someone else's childhood. But at the same time, it makes him feel nostalgic. And homesick. Growing up in Australia means he has made some very different experiences and when all the others in the room start gushing about their shared nostalgia for their childhood he can only listen and nod.

"I never actually had that. But I know what you're talking about. There is like this festival thing every summer and they sell a lot of old-fashioned street food and such then. I just never bothered with trying that stuff. I mean it's basically just molten sugar?"

Minho turns and looks at Chan with shock painted all over his face. "You so have to try it the next time you get a chance. Well... actually they probably don't even taste that great, but you know how eating things that you liked in your childhood just kind of makes you feel all warm and happy inside? That probably won't be working for you though when you have no memories to connect to that taste."

"Yeah", Chan mutters, fully expecting the conversation to end there. He's probably killed the mood with that. But to his surprise, Minho nods thoughtfully.

"So, you grew up in Australia, right? What was that like? I bet there's also some special snacks or something like that you liked as a child."

Chan takes a moment to process this turn of conversation. Did... did Minho really just express interest in him? But once the initial shock wears off he begins telling Minho about fairy bread and they notice that the two things are eerily similar. Two things that sound kind of disgusting when describing them - "it's like... cake sprinkles on toast" - but feel like the most delicious treat because of the memories connected to them. Conversation flows easily and Chan barely pays attention to the road they are taking. They waves crash against the shore, the birds are screaming and they are chatting about their childhoods until Minho suddenly stops walking to point to a house a little ahead of them.

"So that's the place, are you ready to meet my cats? Oh yeah, and probably also my aunt and mom", Minho asks casually and Chan chokes on his own breath. He clearly did not think this thing through.

 

"Oh so you must be Chan, Minho has told me about you", the woman that looks way too young to actually be Minho's mother happily announces once the two of them have walked through the door. Chan hasn't even taken off his shoes or accepted the slippers Minho offered him but he is already flustered and halfway into some kind of awkward half bow half handshake. Minho's mother is a gorgeous woman. Even though she must be in her forties at least she looks like she can't be much older than thirty. Her black hair is silky, her skin clear and almost completely free of any wrinkles, except the few around her eyes and the corners of her mouth where her lips curl into a smile. The same kind of cat-like smile Minho also has. She has the elegance and posture of a single businesswoman that struts down the streets of the capitol in her heeled boots with a designer bag hanging over her shoulder. But the soft smile and warm eyes of a mother. When she grabs Chan's hand for a greeting her palm feels soft and warm and he almost forgets to give a proper answer. It is so clear who Minho got his looks from.

"Only good stuff I hope", he chuckles. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see Minho cringe but he does his best to ignore him.

"Oh, of course, hun. He's told me so much about you. I'm really happy that he's already found such a good friend here", she replies enthusiastically. For a moment Chan almost thinks that she is going to pinch his cheeks. Or Minho's cheeks maybe. She speaks in that saccharine sweet tone of aunts at family gatherings that are just oh so thrilled to be seeing you again and oh dear how much you have grown. It's a little endearing. She seems to really care about her son making friends and feeling at home in the place she grew up in. It reminds Chan of how his own mother acted the first time he brought a friend from school over. And just like he did back then Minho seems to be slightly blushing from embarrassment.

"Mom, please", he whines. She chuckles before she goes to ruffle through her son's beautiful hair, messing it up in a way that almost makes Chan's breath hitch. He was not prepared for such a display of cuteness right off the bat. Minho cringes, dodges and switches the topic. "Where's Soonie, Doongie and Dori?"

"Last I saw them they were all playing in the living room after dinner."

"Thanks", Minho mutters quickly, apparently already eager to lead the way and introduce Chan to his cats. He's halfway through a door when he realises that Chan is still awkwardly standing next to the shoe rack. "Are you coming?", he asks.

"Sure", Chan mumbles. He quickly bows to Minho's mother again just for good measure before he heads after Minho.

 

"So, I adopted Soonie here from an animal vet, like six years ago, she is the oldest one. Doongie is the second oldest, I got her from a friend. Their cat had a litter of kittens and they couldn't keep them all so they put them up for adoption and I took this one in. Dori is the youngest, she's actually only a couple of months old. I got her from a website for abandoned cats."

Chan listens intentely as Minho rambles on and on about his cats. He's trying to memorise all of the facts. Not only because he's genuinely interested but also because the way Minho talks makes it feel like some kind of lecture where Chan should actually be taking notes instead of petting the kitten that has climbed into his lap halfway into the rant. Maybe there will be a pop quiz later. It feels like there should be one with how Minho keeps hammering these facts into his mind. Maybe it will be like that multiple-choice dialogue option in a dating sim game. And when Chan accidentally picks the wrong cat name later during a conversation with Minho he's headed right for the bad end.

_Minho will remember that._

"Well, either way, they are like my children. I am so happy that they have some room to go outside and roam around freely. I was always super afraid to let them go outside in the city. Even though that apartment complex where we lived had this like backyard area that was a little closed off I was always afraid someone would snatch them or they could escape to the street and be hit by a car or something like that. But I think this place is great for them. And my aunt loves them as well."

Minho has been gushing like a waterfall for maybe the past five minutes, so when his voice eventually ebbs out Chan needs a moment to process that he is no longer being hit with a stream of words and that it is probably his turn to add something to the conversation.

"Sounds like they found a good home here", he mumbles. He is scratching behind the ear of the cat that has draped herself all over him. He thinks this one is Soonie. Or maybe Doongie. One of the two. Damn, he is already messing this up.

"Yeah, it's really better for them here", Minho says. Suddenly his voice is sounding a little gloomy. Chan looks up to see if this reflects in Minho's face or if he just heard something wrong. Minho's eyes seem kind of distant, his mouth is pressed into a thin line. But as soon as he notices Chan's eyes on him he breaks into a smile again and jumps up to grab something looking like a feather on a stick from one of the chairs situated around a table in the back of the room that is cluttered with books, newspapers and other documents. "Here, this is Soonie's favourite toy, just shake it in front of her face and try to get your hands out of the way. Sometimes she forgets that her claws can actually hurt you."

The sudden change in Minho's mood slows down Chan's response time so when Minho actually throws the toy at him it just uselessly falls to the ground in front of his knees. Nonetheless the cat – so she must be Soonie then – completely hauls herself at it. Hesitantly Chan reaches for the end of the toy that has the stick and uses it to move the feather around. Soonie is rolling on the floor while trying to catch it in her paws. And probably also slaughter it. Out of the corner of his eyes, Chan notices how Minho takes out his phone and aims the camera at him. He just barely manages to protectively raise one hand and use it to cover his face before Minho has snapped a picture that he is grinning at. He turns his phone and holds it out for Chan to see. He barely looks at it.

"Delete that", he pleads. Minho giggles. Just straight up giggles, the sounds of little silver bells chiming through the air.

"Nope", he says, making sure the  _p_ pops loudly.

 

Minho has offered to walk him home even though he clearly did not have to. It's only a maybe five to ten minutes walk across the beach and then some and Chan is very much able to walk that by himself. Of course, he didn't turn Minho down though. So now they are walking over the beach. The sun has already set a while ago. It's cooled down, but not really cold yet and eerily quite. Low tide and no waves to crash against the shore. It's only their footstep in the damp sand.

"So, uh, today was fun. I mean, getting to hang out with you and all of that", Chan says because he has a feeling that he should be saying something. Anything at all. He does not want to be awkward. Does not want this to be uncomfortable for Minho.

"Yeah, we should totally do this more often", he replies. Suddenly Minho stops walking. Chan turns around to check on him and finds him standing right behind him. There are so close. He could stretch out a hand and touch him. Wrap his arms around him. He'd just need to lean in and he could kiss him. Just like that.

"Hey, Chan, I wanted to ask you something..."

It starts suddenly. The first drop lands on Chan's hand. It feels cold against his skin. Almost like a small needle pricking his flesh. Cold metal. The second drop falls onto his cheek. He only realises that it has started to rain once a third one falls onto his forehead and runs down his face, falling from his nose into the sand. He follows it with his eyes before he snaps out of it and looks back up at Minho. His soft lips have fallen open, shaping the silent sound of surprise. They are like rose petals, the few drops of rain hanging on them like dewdrops in the morning. So soft. So fragile. So close.

_Just lean in and do it. This is the perfect moment. What more are you even waiting for?_

Minho is standing so close in front of them. They are standing on a beach at night. Just the two of them. Cold summer rain is falling onto them. Wetting their lips and slowly soaking their clothes. Minho licks over his lips to get rid of the drops of water and Chan's insides squirm.

"I should probably hurry home, don't want to get soaked by the rain", he says at the same time as Minho starts with "I-". They both stop for a moment. Chan gestures for Minho to continue but he just shakes his head.

"Nevermind. I'll see you around."

"Huh? Yeah, see you around... I guess."

And he is gone as suddenly as the rain came. And what felt like the perfect set up for that fairy tale first kiss suddenly makes the perfect backdrop for a gloomy walk home.

 

_If life was a movie then it wouldn't end like this;_

  _left without a kiss_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been a hot minute since I last updated, I apologize for the wait. real life has been kinda rough and my energy to write is also really low lately for no reason in particular, but I finally made it, so yeah me
> 
> (also the last two lines are lyrics from waiting for superman by daughtry, great song, check it out if you don't know it)


	13. Quicksand Sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chan avoids Minho, finally gets his essay done and thinks way too much.

It's not like Chan is avoiding Minho on purpose. He's just very busy with important... stuff. Like his essay! Which is actually kind of important and due in a little less than two weeks but he's been using it as an excuse to get out of things for the past two months maybe. And he knows that if he actually sat down to write it the excuse would only be good for a weekend. Five days at most if he really takes his sweet time doing all the proper research and reading through all the good sources and all of that. But he knows that he won't do that. Why bother putting in twenty hours just for the chance of getting an A on this paper when you can put in ten and still possibly get a B? But at this point, Chan should actually really start putting in those ten hours. The deadline – and with it also the official end of summer vacation – is slowly approaching with every passing day. It somehow feels like this date has been sneaking up on him for the past few days, always stalking him from a distance and ducking to hide in a bush or behind a lamppost when he turns around. But now it's suddenly right behind him, chasing him down a dark alleyway, yielding a knife. Okay, maybe that analogy got a little violent, but it mirrors the way Chan feels about this paper – or rather his entire situation at the moment – pretty well. So maybe he actually has a decent excuse. Maybe he really could be busy with this looming deadline that marks the end of summer like the blade of a guillotine waiting to drop on him. It's not like Chan is making excuses. He isn't avoiding Minho on purpose.

He's avoiding everyone.

It's the second day of Chan's little lockdown. He has maybe twenty or so unanswered text messages on his phone. About half of them are from Jisung alone. There is a single one from Minho. One that he sent right after they parted ways after their little date. Probably he sent it as soon as he got home. Maybe still on his way there already. Chan hasn't dared to actually look at it. Not even the preview. He does not want to know what Minho has to say to him. He's afraid of it. Afraid that Minho somehow noticed what Chan was thinking about while they stood on that beach. So close that the distance between seemed so easy to close. And yet too much of a gap to actually risk the leap. But Minho probably noticed. Noticed Chan wavering on his feet, not sure whether he should take one towards or away from him. Felt his stare on his lips. Maybe he's a mind reader. With how loud those thoughts were in Chan's head it wouldn't surprise him if other's around him were actually able to pick up on them like radio interferences. So maybe Minho noticed. And maybe he's disgusted by it. Maybe the text will say something like  _we should not meet up again_ or  _please stay away from me from now on_. And then there is the other option. The option Chan is so much more afraid of then this first horror scenario.

Maybe the text is a nice one. A casual  _today was fun let's do that again soon._ Some sort of harmless little friendly text with no commitment. Soon could mean anything. Next week, next month, in a couple of years. Nice could be a stand-in for tolerable.  _I didn't hate hanging out with you so I'll say that we can do that again but summer is almost over and we'll both find some sort of excuse why we don't have time until then and after that, we probably won't see each other again for a while and then one day we'll run into each other and we'll both pretend to be so excited about seeing each other again and make some vague plans to catch up that'll never actually happen._ Okay, maybe that is reading a little too much into that hypothetical message, but at this point any sort of nice message from Minho would feel wrong. Suspicious. Because it would either mean that he hasn't noticed what Chan was thinking about or – even worse possibly – he has noticed but decided to ignore it. And that is so much harder than just being turned down. Staying around as a friend while Minho continues being oblivious to Chan's feelings. Or at least pretends to be. And Chan will continue playing the friend. Always just the friend. And he'll stare at Minho's pretty lips and dream about kissing them until eventually, it all becomes too much to bear. And then the summer ends. And they lose contact. And life goes on. (Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da). And maybe it's for the best.

So that is one text that Chan is ignoring. And as things you are pushing aside for later usually do, ignored texts also have a tendency to stack up. An hour after the text from Minho, Chan got one from Jisung asking him how his date went. And then half an hour another one from Felix asking the same question. In English this time. Because probably Jisung has told him to try it. Usually, Chan will still reply to Felix, even when he is ignoring almost everyone else. Sometimes they chat in English, but most of the time they try to keep their conversations Korean. Even when no one else is around that would be confused and feel excluded by the foreign language. When they first switched numbers Felix would make a point of texting in proper Korean. Full sentences and all. And he would tell Chan to correct him whenever he noticed a mistake. When Felix first arrived here his Korean wasn't the best and he saw every interaction as a chance to practice. But they have slipped into mixing in more English. When Felix sends memes or makes some reference that only makes sense in English. When they are talking about  _back in Australia –_  neither of them actually dare to refer to it as home, they are at home here now – or when they talk about more personal stuff. Maybe Felix has sent this text in English on purpose, knowing fully well that just seeing words typed out in that language they share has some kind of emotional appeal to Chan. There is something about switching into English with Felix that makes him want to pour out all of his thoughts and emotions. But this time his dread is stronger than his need to overshare his emotions. So he ignores that text as well.

More texts from both Jisung and Felix follow after those two initial messages. Jisung's texts seem to become more pestering with every new notification that Chan swipes away while Felix's tone grows more concerned the longer Chan ignores him. Probably he has both of them worried, they just show it in different ways. This morning he even got a text from Changbin. Simple at first glance, but Chan knows how much it takes for Changbin to show that he cares even just this little bit.

Probably he'll reply to one of them soon. When the guilt becomes too much. Chan doesn't like knowing that other people are worried about him. It's an uncomfortable feeling. He does not want to make anyone feel bad or actually get too worried about his well-being. He's doing just fine. He just needs some time to himself. To focus on that essay. Figure things out. Think a little.

That's also what he told his mother when she came to check on him an hour ago. Probably she noticed that the light in his room was still on when she went to bed and came to make sure her son would not stay up the whole night brooding. She has probably noticed his weird behaviour by now. Of course, she has, she's his mother after all. But for the time being, she must have decided to let him be. Because when he waved her off and told her that he was going to do some more work on that essay all she did was remind him to not stay up too late and wish him a good night. Maybe she would be disappointed knowing that it's now almost midnight and Chan is still awake. He hasn't really made any progress with that essay though. He has all the tabs open. All the articles he saved, all the papers with bullet points and messy notes laid out in front of him. The document open, cursor blinking. But not a single phrase written.

Chan is stuck. Stuck on that essay, stuck being unhappy, stuck all alone in this room that he has locked himself in. It's as if he stepped into quicksand and now he's slowly sinking. Somewhere he heard that you're supposed to stay still when you accidentally end up in quicksand. Because you'll sink faster if you struggle and move around a lot. So you are supposed to stay still and calm and wait for someone to come along and pull you out again. But even if you don't move around you're still going to sink. It'll just take longer. It's a slower death. But a death nonetheless. And when no one comes along to pull you out you're going to drown, even when you stay still as a rock. So maybe when you have been staying still for so long and there is still no helping hand that you can reach for, you have to struggle a little in an attempt to pull yourself out. Is it worse to drown without even trying to save yourself because you were waiting for someone else to come along and help you, or to at least try to save yourself even though you might end up failing?

Chan's screen has turned from the photo collage of his screensaver to completely dark but he brings it back to life with a faint touch onto the keyboard. It illuminates his room with fluorescent light and he needs to squint his eyes for a moment. But as he gets more and more used to it the rest of his body also seems to come back to life. It's like waking up to the curtains being pulled open to flood the room with sunlight. A wake-up call. Chan is brought back to life. He flexes his fingers a couple of times, he almost expects his joints to be cracking. Or squeaking and creaking like a rusty bicycle that needs some oil to get the gears turning again. But all the flexing does is remind Chan for how long he has been sitting still and that maybe the rest of his body needs some stretching as well. With the hunched over way he is sitting, he's sure to have back problems by the time he turns thirty. If not earlier. So he stretches a bit, tries to get his posture right and opens that first article he has picked out as a source.

 

The next time Chan looks up from his work it's almost four in the morning. 03:57 to be precise, if the numbers in the bottom left corner of his screen are to be trusted.

Chan has finished his essay. Well, finished writing at least. He will still have to go over it at least one more time to proofread and eliminate as many typos, weird phrasings or run-on-sentences as possible. But the whole thing is written out right in front of him. It's done, it's over. It feels oddly freeing. With the deadline also marking the end of summer this task felt like something that would, once fulfilled, mark the end of all things. But now that it's actually completed he recognises it for what it is. Just another pebble in the ocean, instead of a huge rock blocking his way. The essay is done, but there's still some days of summer left. Just enough to enjoy some quality time with his friends now that he has no more excuses to avoid them.

Chan grabs his phone and unlocks it. The numbers on the display are the same as the ones on his computer screen. It really is in the middle of the night. Chan hadn't felt tired before but now that he begins to realise how late it actually is the drowsiness is beginning to catch up to him. Still, he has one more thing he wants to do before he falls asleep.

There's four more text messages on his phone. One from each of his friends and surprisingly also one from Minho. He saves Minho for last and instead goes straight into the group chat that they created for their DnD sessions. Changbin is the only one actually trying to keep it for DnD related conversations only and he is also the only one regularly calling Jisung and Felix out for derailing and spamming other stuff that they could also discuss over private chat. Chan mostly just sits by and watches the chaos unfold. He rarely participates in the conversation and the only times he's ever sent a message to the group was to either inform the others that he was running late or confirm the date for the next session. But this time he takes the initiative.

 _dnd tomorrow usual time?_  He types. It will probably take a couple of hours for any of his friends to even wake up and read this, but at least he has finally given them some sort of response. He'll still have to look into the individual chats and maybe come up with a reply to the other messages they have sent, but that can wait. One more thing to do. There are no excuses left, huh?

Chan finally looks at the messages Minho sent him. The first one is exactly what he thought it would be.

_the rain kinda killed the mood in the end but today was fun, we gotta do something again soon_

Chan reads over these words maybe three or four times until he decides that actually, it's not that bad. Thinking about it just made it seem so much worse than it actually is. Maybe Minho actually had a good time. Maybe he is sincere in saying that he wants to meet up again. And maybe he isn't, but at least he's trying to be nice. At least he's going to let Chan down slowly. Maybe they can ease into parting ways and when they actually run into each other again in a couple of years they will both be honest about wanting to catch up. Maybe then Chan will have gathered up the courage to tell Minho about how he was thinking about kissing him that one day at the beach and they will both have a laugh about it. This too will pass.

The second message is a picture of the beach. No caption, no explanation. It even takes Chan a moment to figure out what he is even looking at. The whole scenery is poorly lit, grey on darker grey. Only when Chan has the brightness of his phone turned up to the max he is able to make out a coastline and waves. What he thought were just some weird specks of dust on his phone at first turn out to be stars. Minho must have snapped the picture at night. The message was sent at just a little after 11 pm. Chan would call this a weird time to be out on the beach but he really is in no position to judge anyone for when they decide to take a walk. But still, it's odd, this picture without any context to it. It's not the prettiest picture, kind of blurry even. If it were some aesthetically pleasing sunset on the beach picture, the kind you send to all of your friends to show them what an awesome life you are leading right now, then Chan would understand. But this is just the beach at night. A sight that is so familiar to Chan. Maybe Minho sent it because of that.  _Hey, isn't this the thing you like?_ But why would he? Also, when did he take it? On his way home from work maybe, when he does the late shift it could already be dark once he's heading back. But then why is there a three-hour delay between taking the picture and sending it to Chan? The second explanation seems even more bizarre to Chan.  _He thought of you, he was out on the beach at night and sent you this to let you know he was thinking about you._  Chan can't even begin to wrap his head around this weird little thought, but it has already planted its seeds in his mind. There are two voices in his head right now, battling for dominance like tongues tend to do in decently at best written Harry Potter erotica – not that Chan has any knowledge of that. One, the one he is used to, keeps reminding him that it was better that he didn't kiss Minho. That Minho wouldn't have wanted to be kissed by such a loser anyways. But the second voice is new, and though it is just whispering, for now, Chan has a feeling it'll grow louder.

_It's an invitation, he's telling you 'I'm out here on my own, why don't you come join me and we continue where we last left off?'. So, what are you going to do now?_

In the end, however, Chan falls asleep before he can come up with any sort of response to the message Minho has sent him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sort of a shorter filler chapter but we are slowly approaching the final "arc" of this story ;)


	14. High School Never Ends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chan's friends give him a pep talk, Jisung and Changbin argue about musicals and Felix actually has a good idea for once.

"Oh, look who finally decided to show his face around here again."

It's easy to tell that Jisung is trying to sound annoyed, but simply not doing a very good job at it. He's never been good at acting. He always overdoes it. Even when he is not trying to act he is usually overdoing it. But there is a clear distinction between his usual just being over the top and him purposefully trying to emulate some sort of emotion by using all of the most stereotypical markers for it. He has his arms crossed in front of his chest, which is a little puffed out for added effect. Lips pressed into an angry line, hip and head kind of cocked. He looks like a caricature of an emotion.

Chan just walks past him without even acknowledging him and slumps down in his usual chair. Jisung remains dumbfounded for a moment but then quickly drops his stupid act and hurries over to the table so he can stand next to Chan and grab his arm.

"Dude, seriously, got me kind of worried, what the hell happened for you to disappear like that?", he asks. He is using his hold around Chan's biceps to gently shake him while he is talking and maybe Chan would be irritated by that if it was anyone else. But he knows that Jisung has a tendency to hold onto something when he's nervous. It's just how he is and snapping at him would do the situation no good. So instead Chan just very gently frees his arm from Jisung's grip and pulls away a little.

"I think I just... really fucked up", he sighs. Even though the other two people sitting at the table with him show varying degrees of interest in this conversation Chan knows that he has their full attention. Felix is playing around with a pencil, alternating between chewing on it and twirling it around his finger. His eyes jump around the room. To the table, to Chan, then his eyes quickly dart away to look at some other random object. Back at Chan. And so on and so forth. Changbin is staring down at his phone, but he hasn't actually touched it since Chan walked in. There is text displayed on the screen, probably something Changbin was reading – and pretends to still read right now – but he hasn't scrolled for a minute or two now. Also, his head is titled just the smallest bit upwards to glance at Chan. But they haven't said anything yet. So they must have picked Jisung as the spokesperson for the group. Odd choice. Then again, he is the most outspoken of the three. And he is not afraid to just be straight-forward, ask the questions others are too polite to put so bluntly.

"Fucked up how? With Minho?", Jisung asks. Chan just nods, avoiding the younger boy's piercing gaze. In his attempt to look away he meets Felix's eyes instead who is giving him an almost pitiful glance. Which is definitely so much worse. So he turns back to Jisung who has this expression on his face like he is waiting. And Chan knows exactly what he is waiting for.

So he begins filling his friends in about how his date with Minho went. He tells them about the time they spent, how Minho insisted on paying for his food and how he got all embarrassed when his mother had told Chan that Minho mentioned him before. He repeats all the information about Minho's cats that he has managed to remember. Mainly because he is stalling for time. But eventually, he also tells them about the walk home. About how they stopped on the beach. About how he thought about kissing Minho. And how that freaked him out.

"So basically suddenly I got super scared that he could somehow tell what I was thinking and I just made the worst escape out of that situation and now I'm afraid that I made it all weird", he ends his little story. There is a moment of silence in the room until Jisung speaks up first.

"So, let me just sum this up really quick. You had a date that went really well and then he walked you home and you kinda wanted to kiss him but didn't even make a move and instead just freaked out completely over nothing? And now you think you made things awkward even though literally nothing happened and he even sent you a very normal sounding text asking for a second date?"

"When you say it like that it does sounds kind of dumb", Chan admits. He knows that he is behaving kind of stupid. But isn't that the whole thing about being in love? That it makes you behave like a really big idiot? Call it clouded judgement or whatever but even though the saying goes they eyes of love are blind, it should actually be the head of love is empty. Not thoughts. Chan is just really stupid.

"Hey, so what did you end up replying to that text he sent you?", Felix asks. It's the first time that anyone except for Jisung has asked a question. But that's not the only reason why Chan hesitates with his answer. He knows that all hell will break loose once he admits this. But he'll have to say it either way.

"I kind of... haven't really replied anything. Yet", he mumbles. As expected, the reaction comes immediately. And pretty loudly.

"You left him on read?!", Jisung yells. Since he is still standing so close to Chan he is pretty much screeching right into his ear. There is a slight ringing sound in his ears right after and he angrily pushes Jisung away.

"No need to yell like that", he mumbles, but Jisung either doesn't hear him or completely glosses over the remark. He seems outraged.

"You know what your damn problem is?", he begins what seems to be the set up for a heated monologue. There is a fire burning in his eyes and he is grabbing Chan's arm again. A little bit too tight for comfort. "All of you always say that I watch too many dramas and whatever but I think you're actually the one who is obsessed with this stupid high school drama bullshit. The world isn't highschool though. It's not all jocks versus nerds and you have to be either one of them and you can't sit at a table with the popular kids if you like anime and dnd. No one cares about that stuff. Not even in high school. I mean look at me. Not to sound pretentious or anything, but I'd call myself pretty popular. Even though I spend all of my free time sitting in a basement with you greasy nerds. But people don't give a shit. I have friends because I actually go up to people and start a damn conversation. It's okay to mix. You don't have to stick to the status quo."

It's very rare for Jisung to be the voice of reason. In fact, in most situations, he is the one refusing to listen to the voice of reason coming from someone else's mouth. Hearing him go on a rant like that leaves everyone dumbfounded for a while. Another surprise follows when Changbin is finally the first one to comment on this outburst.

"You know, I don't say that a lot, but I think I actually agree with Jisung here. But-" of course there is a but "did you have to quote high school musical to make your point? Out of all the things you could have said you just had to throw in a cheap reference to High School Musical?"

"Excuse me, High School Musical is a masterpiece and it fits in perfectly with my point that jocks and nerds can mix and sing awesome musical numbers together", Jisung protests. The tone in his voice shifts from actually upset to fake outraged. He has his arms crossed in front of his chest again and his bottom lip is slightly sticking out. Changbin rolls his eyes.

"Oh come on. If you wanted to throw in a musical about high school stereotypes so badly you could have at least picked something better. Heathers for example", he fires back. The two seem to have completely forgotten about what they are actually here for already. Everything else has been pushed aside for the sake of another of their stupid debates. Now Jisung is rolling his eyes back at Changbin.

"Yeah right. Just because you think you're some kind of musical connoisseur. Just admit that High School Musical is good even though it's not like what? Thirty years old? You do realise that the musical version actually came out  _after_ the first High School Musical film, right? So if Heathers is a classic, like you keep insisting, then I don't see how High School Musical isn't one."

"It's not about how old it is, it's about the quality."

"Oh come on, don't pretend like you care about quality. You absolutely love that one stupid musical. What's it called, be more cool?"

"Be More Chill."

"Yeah whatever, there is only like one really good song and that one makes me feel depressed, so I can't listen to it. Meanwhile High School Musical is full of absolute bangers. Like I don't Dance. That entire scene is gold. The cinematography. Damn. Them changing clothes in the end, the homoerotic subtext. That whole movie was a cinematic masterpiece and you can't change my mind about that."

"Uh, guys, aren't we kind of... forgetting something important here", Felix softly interrupts the bickering duo. Jisung shuts up immediately, which is pretty out of character for him but maybe he really is just that whipped for Felix. Changbin also stays quit. Which fits his character perfectly. Now that both of them are quiet Felix directs his attention back at Chan.

"I think what they are both trying to get at is that you don't have to be afraid that Minho won't like you because you are a bit nerdy or anything like that. He won't reject you just because of that. I actually think he's pretty open to that. I mean he sat here to watch us play for like half an hour just a couple of days ago. You need to stop trying to shove yourself and everyone else into a box where they can only interact with the other people that fit into that super-specific mould. No one really fits the mould. It's like, you know, every person is unique."

Even though Jisung and Changbin were just arguing a moment ago they now nod almost perfectly synchronised, both looking at Felix with fond smiles.

"Yep, what he said", Jisung declares. "Also it's like, you know, Minho is kind of a weirdo too. The other day he told me that he likes the smell of sewers? And he is like a walking enceclopädia of cat facts. Oh, and he's totally K-Pop obsessed. He knows like every damn girl group song there is. The other day some song by... I don't even know, I think it was MissA or something like that. Either way, some girl group song came on and he started dancing to it while cleaning the tables. He might be even worse than Felix is with Twice. He's not just the pretty popular kid, just like you aren't the damn wallflower, invisible, shy, nerdy girl that suddenly gets hot when she takes her glasses off."

Something about that thought fills Chan with fondness. He has seen the way Minho slightly dances when he thinks that no one is looking. Or when he just simply doesn't care about the eyes on him. He would have loved to see him just lose himself to a song that he likes so much that he can't help dancing. Even though people are watching him. Even though he should be working. Chan would have loved to watch him dance.

He must have been smiling to himself or something because Jisung is looking at him with that annoying grin he always has when he is about to tease Chan. Luckily, Felix shuts him up before he even gets to open his mouth.

"So, what are you going to do now?", he asks. It's a pretty straight-forward question and Chan knows that he should have a pretty straight-forward answer to that one. He should just reply something like  _I'll ask him on a second date_ now that he has all this newfound confidence from his friend's pep talk. But it's not quite as simple. Yes, he does see their point and yes he knows that he has been behaving kind of silly. But just because deep down he knows that they are right and that he needs to stop running. But when you are in a full sprint you can't just come to a sudden halt or you might end up falling face-first to the ground. You need to slow down bit by bit until you can finally stop completely.  _Walk it out_ his gym teacher used to scream over the track field when they were out running laps.  _Walk it out, don't just stop once you've reached the finish line._

"I don't know", Chan finally admits. Even though it's probably not the right answer, Felix seems satisfied with it. He nods thoughtfully like he knew exactly that Chan would reply that. Well, it probably wasn't that hard to guess.

"But I know", he declares. "You have to take a leap of faith. Reply to that text. Ask him to meet up again. See how it goes, you know."

"Leap... of faith?", Chan echoes. He has a feeling that he has heard that phrase before, but before he can remember why it seems familiar Felix already continues talking.

"Yep. Also, I just thought of something perfect, why don't you ask him to go to that summer festival thing together? I mean that's like super romantic, isn't it?"

"Pff, that's like straight out of some teen drama anime", Changbin huffs. Both Felix and Jisung give him a quick death glare and he rolls his eyes before taking out his phone again. This time he really does appear to be reading. So it seems that he is done with this conversation. Which means Chan's dating life is now completely in the hands of Jisung and Felix. Great.

"I guess we did talk about the festival before, so that could work", Chan mutters hesitantly. The two boys high-five.

"Great, so ask him", Felix says.

"You mean like right now?"

"Yeah, right now. And then we'll go back to DnD."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me forever to update, I guess seasonal depression is hitting me a lil harder than usual and pretty much I'm just tired all the time but I finally managed to write a little and I'm feeling so happy and accomplished right now, you won't even believe it :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, leave some kudos or maybe a comment if you enjoyed this! :3  
> You can also find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/writteninspring) or follow me on [tumblr](https://spriingflower.tumblr.com/) or [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/iamspringflower/) if you want to.  
> 


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